.stop.loving.me.
My lover's charms are in a box beneath my bed, And piece by piece I'll cherish them Until the end. Send me an angel to love I need to feel a little piece of heaven. Send me an angel to love, I'm afraid I'll never get to heaven. They burn my hands, Scar my face, And blind my eyes. I steal your breath, And throw away what I despise. Between these walls and darkened halls, I've done my time. If I should die before I wake then you'll know why.
Confused
I cant do it. "love" is too big of a word. too big of a comitment. i am to independant and too stubborn to give my heart to someone so willingly. love is giving a part of yourself to another person, and i can't do that. it's tearing me apart. i dont want to destry who i am.. but i dont want to destroy him either. i am 14 and i dont want to give my life away. i dont think i should be with anyone. maybe i just dont want a relationship. i think that's what it is. i know that i love who he is, i love how he smiles, i love how he loves me... but i dont know if i can do this "unconditional" love thing. i'm not ready. it's been bothering me for a while... maybe it's just now hitting me that i have the power to make or break a person. i hate that responsibility being in my hands. i'm not worthy. i dont want it.
What?
Basically me and adrian got in a big fight last night because of everything i mentioned above. me being scared: him loving me. me telling me i cant love him like that: him loving me anyway. i dont know what to do... and i dont want to make bad choices. i'm trying... but i dont know... i dont know what i want anymore. so as for now i'm just confused.
Other news
I figured out how to change my nosering so i have a pink one in. i'm gaging out my ears. i am wearing new blue eyeshadow. i bought some brighter orange lipstick yesterday [pictures later]. i prayed to God for 2 hours last night. me and my mom are closer than ever. i'm dying my hair on friday. today is the begining of the quarter. i decided that smoothies are my new favorite food. done
Confused
I cant do it. "love" is too big of a word. too big of a comitment. i am to independant and too stubborn to give my heart to someone so willingly. love is giving a part of yourself to another person, and i can't do that. it's tearing me apart. i dont want to destry who i am.. but i dont want to destroy him either. i am 14 and i dont want to give my life away. i dont think i should be with anyone. maybe i just dont want a relationship. i think that's what it is. i know that i love who he is, i love how he smiles, i love how he loves me... but i dont know if i can do this "unconditional" love thing. i'm not ready. it's been bothering me for a while... maybe it's just now hitting me that i have the power to make or break a person. i hate that responsibility being in my hands. i'm not worthy. i dont want it.
What?
Basically me and adrian got in a big fight last night because of everything i mentioned above. me being scared: him loving me. me telling me i cant love him like that: him loving me anyway. i dont know what to do... and i dont want to make bad choices. i'm trying... but i dont know... i dont know what i want anymore. so as for now i'm just confused.
Other news
I figured out how to change my nosering so i have a pink one in. i'm gaging out my ears. i am wearing new blue eyeshadow. i bought some brighter orange lipstick yesterday [pictures later]. i prayed to God for 2 hours last night. me and my mom are closer than ever. i'm dying my hair on friday. today is the begining of the quarter. i decided that smoothies are my new favorite food. done