Ode to my Father
Dad will be gone 1 full year April 28th. After quite some time, now that I'm ready to talk about things, I'd like to speak some about this person who helped create me...who I was, who I am, and who I will always be. Because we all know that nobody is "all bad", I wanted to take the time to speak about the strengths AND weaknesses the guy had.
At only 56, he died too young. Didn't take much care of his Diabetic health, ate far too much protein and not enough of all the other good stuff you're supposed to have in your daily diet. So he fried his kidneys to the point where he needed Kidney Dialysis to live. Your kidneys filter out all the bad stuff you have floating around in your body, and when they shut down or begin to fail, the toxins start building up in your bloodstream and cause problems for your body, in general, as most toxins do.
My father was a troubled person, due to his upbringing, and it affected him mentally in ways that it would most everybody else considered a Human Being. I won't get into scrutinous detail about what went on with him while he was growing up ( because this is a Public journal ), but I will say that there were many forms of Abuse that crippled his psyche. Like most of us, he LEARNED what he LIVED, and unfortunately as it generally happens with the offspring of troubled families, it got passed along; the cycle continued.
Mom and I were physically, mentally, and emotionally abused when he went on his tirades, though Mom got more of the physical than me during these times. Even our friends became estranged, driven away. We didn't have many that could understand what we were going through. Family knew about things, but a lot was kept swept under the rug.
I HATED MY FATHER FOR THAT.
As much as he was a HORRIBLE person he could be a WONDERFUL person, too. A true Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde.
Very affectionate, outgoing, friendly, musical, loving, charming, handsome even--when he still had his good looks. Very communicative, went out of his way to help people if he could, an absolute people-pleaser.
There wasn't anybody like my DAD when he was good to me, when he tried--and was at--his very BEST.
I LOVED MY FATHER FOR THAT.
As I was growing up, trying desperately to find myself during the onset of Puberty (like most of us go through, again), I was afflicted with many, many issues that threatened--and temporarily won--my self-esteem, thoughts on life, even though they were/are ever changing. My father made a pretty deep dent in who I am today......and you know something, for good times and bad times, too??
I wouldn't have it any other way.
At only 56, he died too young. Didn't take much care of his Diabetic health, ate far too much protein and not enough of all the other good stuff you're supposed to have in your daily diet. So he fried his kidneys to the point where he needed Kidney Dialysis to live. Your kidneys filter out all the bad stuff you have floating around in your body, and when they shut down or begin to fail, the toxins start building up in your bloodstream and cause problems for your body, in general, as most toxins do.
My father was a troubled person, due to his upbringing, and it affected him mentally in ways that it would most everybody else considered a Human Being. I won't get into scrutinous detail about what went on with him while he was growing up ( because this is a Public journal ), but I will say that there were many forms of Abuse that crippled his psyche. Like most of us, he LEARNED what he LIVED, and unfortunately as it generally happens with the offspring of troubled families, it got passed along; the cycle continued.
Mom and I were physically, mentally, and emotionally abused when he went on his tirades, though Mom got more of the physical than me during these times. Even our friends became estranged, driven away. We didn't have many that could understand what we were going through. Family knew about things, but a lot was kept swept under the rug.
I HATED MY FATHER FOR THAT.
As much as he was a HORRIBLE person he could be a WONDERFUL person, too. A true Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde.
Very affectionate, outgoing, friendly, musical, loving, charming, handsome even--when he still had his good looks. Very communicative, went out of his way to help people if he could, an absolute people-pleaser.
There wasn't anybody like my DAD when he was good to me, when he tried--and was at--his very BEST.
I LOVED MY FATHER FOR THAT.
As I was growing up, trying desperately to find myself during the onset of Puberty (like most of us go through, again), I was afflicted with many, many issues that threatened--and temporarily won--my self-esteem, thoughts on life, even though they were/are ever changing. My father made a pretty deep dent in who I am today......and you know something, for good times and bad times, too??
I wouldn't have it any other way.