SSDFD
same shit different fucking day...
those of you who know me know i am completely fucking insane. i'm surprised i've lasted this long....may 23, 2005 at hertz i got hired...longest job ever....john and i have been together since aug 04 longest rel ever i've been doing this fake shit ever since mom died. i'm losing it i'm trying to get on kaiser's website i'm checking myself into a hospital tomorrow i want help. i just took 40 mg of prozac--they put me on 20 and i'm drunk it's not helping. john loves me so much i dont' understand him fuck being rioght on typing damn it a i need to let go so please understand people/ i've lost my mind and i am so lost i lost my omom myu grand,ma my dogs dyan and pebbles i moved to cali which sucks fucked so many guys who hurt me and so many people have alked all over me in my life not even looking at the screen anymore just typing because i need ti let go.
techno music helps me it really does it helps me to get through life don't understand why but it does
i hate my dad for comepltely disowning my mom's family he sent me my baby photo album whioch my mom cherizhed so much and sent me my basptised clothes even though i don't believe in christianity anymore
i hate cynthia she is a backstabbing bitch who is using my dad for his money.
john is the fisrt person yto ever love me i broke down earlier and lost it with him., he burnt himself a week.five ago on his neck and ear and face second degree with a carborator he is in lots of pain but he still is there for me. he's 34 and i'm 25 (almost 35 AND 26) i do't understand how one person can belive in me so much and care for me so much. i don't like it but do like it and am totally confused.
i tried to kill myself when i was 22 and can't bring myself to do it agai even though i want to because it was so horrible the charocla and the hospital and my dad mom wasn't there she didn't care i am afraid to talk to doctors becaus ethey willwant to p[ut me away if i even metnion the thought of suicide i want helpf not being pout away with drugguies like they did when i was 14 and 22
btw i hate people who have perfect eyes and don't need corrective lenses. i am so jealous never admitted this before
those of you who know me know i am completely fucking insane. i'm surprised i've lasted this long....may 23, 2005 at hertz i got hired...longest job ever....john and i have been together since aug 04 longest rel ever i've been doing this fake shit ever since mom died. i'm losing it i'm trying to get on kaiser's website i'm checking myself into a hospital tomorrow i want help. i just took 40 mg of prozac--they put me on 20 and i'm drunk it's not helping. john loves me so much i dont' understand him fuck being rioght on typing damn it a i need to let go so please understand people/ i've lost my mind and i am so lost i lost my omom myu grand,ma my dogs dyan and pebbles i moved to cali which sucks fucked so many guys who hurt me and so many people have alked all over me in my life not even looking at the screen anymore just typing because i need ti let go.
techno music helps me it really does it helps me to get through life don't understand why but it does
i hate my dad for comepltely disowning my mom's family he sent me my baby photo album whioch my mom cherizhed so much and sent me my basptised clothes even though i don't believe in christianity anymore
i hate cynthia she is a backstabbing bitch who is using my dad for his money.
john is the fisrt person yto ever love me i broke down earlier and lost it with him., he burnt himself a week.five ago on his neck and ear and face second degree with a carborator he is in lots of pain but he still is there for me. he's 34 and i'm 25 (almost 35 AND 26) i do't understand how one person can belive in me so much and care for me so much. i don't like it but do like it and am totally confused.
i tried to kill myself when i was 22 and can't bring myself to do it agai even though i want to because it was so horrible the charocla and the hospital and my dad mom wasn't there she didn't care i am afraid to talk to doctors becaus ethey willwant to p[ut me away if i even metnion the thought of suicide i want helpf not being pout away with drugguies like they did when i was 14 and 22
btw i hate people who have perfect eyes and don't need corrective lenses. i am so jealous never admitted this before