Mental betrayal
Dear diary,
I feel like I just mentally just betrayed by bf. I don't dare to tell anyone about it so I can only write it here. Where not many know about.
Last night I dream of A. Again. Definitely not the first time but this time, this dream has really stayed in my brain and affecting my feelings the whole entire day, leaving me majorly exhausted. I keep having dreams of him because I think it was still an ugly ending. Things has improved with E and he has also moved on into other relationships and we still contact sometimes. That's really nice. But with A, I mean I don't regret breaking up with him but of course I still think abt him. "First" love, 2 and a half years. So many things happened during that time which made me happy and moments which I really don't wanna recall.
I don't really wanna explain the dream in detail but it was just weird. Knowing this will never ever happen. Him talking to me normally, yet to say still miss me. I do still miss him sometimes but I can't say it out. I tried to text him but nothing to say and can feel he doesn't really wanna reply since he deleted my number away. I still look forward to the day when I actually become friends again, or at least a acquaintance.
He might still not realized why I really broke up with him and how horrible he can really be but I'm willing to put the past behind. I'm not saying to leave D and get back with A but Just being able to talk normally and even better, become friends. This feelings I have will not go away until this Is solved. I really hope that the day I get married, A and E will turn up too. I know I'm being really selfish but can't they count that we were once in a relationship? Sigh. I'm still thinking about it and in 2 days it'll be my 3rd anniversary with D. No mood man.
I don't know how I want my brain to react to what I'm thinking but it's transferring the feelings to my heart which is not good. Not like I can tell D abt this. Not like I can tell anyone abt this. Sigh. I am feeling rather miserable. Like a bitch who wants the best of both worlds.
I hate myself.
Charlene
I feel like I just mentally just betrayed by bf. I don't dare to tell anyone about it so I can only write it here. Where not many know about.
Last night I dream of A. Again. Definitely not the first time but this time, this dream has really stayed in my brain and affecting my feelings the whole entire day, leaving me majorly exhausted. I keep having dreams of him because I think it was still an ugly ending. Things has improved with E and he has also moved on into other relationships and we still contact sometimes. That's really nice. But with A, I mean I don't regret breaking up with him but of course I still think abt him. "First" love, 2 and a half years. So many things happened during that time which made me happy and moments which I really don't wanna recall.
I don't really wanna explain the dream in detail but it was just weird. Knowing this will never ever happen. Him talking to me normally, yet to say still miss me. I do still miss him sometimes but I can't say it out. I tried to text him but nothing to say and can feel he doesn't really wanna reply since he deleted my number away. I still look forward to the day when I actually become friends again, or at least a acquaintance.
He might still not realized why I really broke up with him and how horrible he can really be but I'm willing to put the past behind. I'm not saying to leave D and get back with A but Just being able to talk normally and even better, become friends. This feelings I have will not go away until this Is solved. I really hope that the day I get married, A and E will turn up too. I know I'm being really selfish but can't they count that we were once in a relationship? Sigh. I'm still thinking about it and in 2 days it'll be my 3rd anniversary with D. No mood man.
I don't know how I want my brain to react to what I'm thinking but it's transferring the feelings to my heart which is not good. Not like I can tell D abt this. Not like I can tell anyone abt this. Sigh. I am feeling rather miserable. Like a bitch who wants the best of both worlds.
I hate myself.
Charlene