Mental Health Check
Quick updates:
- I'm wishing I could pull the days so this project is over because, I swear to all things holy that this will be the cause of my meltdown. I don't even wish for it to be great in terms of performance anymore. I just want one day, just one day where I don't receive a mile-long list of problems about it that I have to fix by the minute. This project is the cause of all the physical pain that has been coming up lately, and all the emotional distress that keeps me up at night. It is making me hate my job, which I really don't hate. :( I can't even escape from this because I am the frigging central hub of all campaigns which means I am doomed. This project is making me miss out on time with my family, and my friends, and my dogs. It ruins my mood, I already lost my iPod because of this. I cannot sleep, I think I would need to get myself drunk every night just so I can sleep straight. It makes me hate weekends. It makes me hate people, it makes me want to just not show up anymore and let everything fall through. God I need help.
- I am at a crossroads now. Need to decide, need to decide. I'm so torn which adds to the stress but I can't keep on running away from this. I'm listing balance sheets in my head and ticking off boxes everytime I close my eyes.
- My days are an endless string of long meetings, quick/pocket meetings, phone calls, emails, firefighting. At the end of the day, it will always be: "You decide, Je. Je, please handle. Je, it's your call. Je, fix that." Mariosep ha. I do not even have time to get a decent haircut mukha na akong rockstar. :( There are a lot of things to decide on, and the only time I can stop and think is when I am in the elevator, when I'm in the car on my way to work, or when I am trying to fall asleep already.
- I hope I don't get sick. If I get sick I will kill myself to prevent the foreboding misery of having things fall apart because I was stupid enough to get sick.
- Oh, I have a new member in my team. I think she'll do just fine. Kae is becoming more and more independent and am really proud of her (she hasn't been on board for six months yet and she has never given me problems especially in these trying times courtesy of this *project*). Pat is a constant reminder of who I was before and it helps me remember who I am supposed to be. Most of the time lately, I forget who I am and what I am capable of doing.
- I make sure I do not have to go home straight every night. I see my friends for dinner. For my friends reading this, you know who you are, I am eternally grateful. If it weren't for all of you, I would be probably home each night crying. Or pulling my hair because of stress.
- We are going to Palawan in October. I've never been there. I swear I am so not bringing my work phone. Promise.
- I like this boy. :) Yun na muna. HAHAHA. Talaga naman nakuha ko pang magkaganito inspite of all the insanity. Award-winning.
Chica ulit next time. Wish me luck. *kisses*