no specific subject tonite
i have so much on my mind it aint even funnie. went driving around after work and had a semi long talk with nicci bout the shit thats been going on. felt good to get it off my chest but knowing that its been on my mind is frustrating me.
i seen robbie the other night for the first time in a long ass time. it was so weird. it was like meeting him for the first time all over again. i felt like i was falling in love all over again only my feelings werent as strong. i almost felt as though i was afraid to love him for the first time in a year. there was so much i wanted to say to him but i couldnt. i blew him off on sunday which wasnt a good thing but i didnt have it in my to see him again. it took alot out of me just seeing him for the half hour that i did. i miss him like crazy and just sittin here thinking about him i want to call him but i know he wont talk to me cuz i got the usual "i want my shit back" message already. didnt exactly want things to go down like that but what did i really leave him to expect? i was wrong this time. i was really wrong. i want to be with him but i can right now. i wish i could have the chance to be with him again in the future whether it be far or near but i know i cant have that. its confusing. i would get back with him right now in an instant but theres alot of things i need to figure out for myself before i get back into a relationship whether it be with him or with anybody for that matter. i just need time to re-adjust to life. i need to get my shit together. i know ive had alot of time being with out him but at the same time i really havent because ive still been talkin to him and things havent really changed except for our title. has hard as its going to be now is going to be the time when i cut off all ties. when i get things together and figure out what i want to do with my life. i wish he was here by my side to support me and tell me things will be fine and things will work out but i dont even have that. all i have is what will probally be the last message i'll get from him and he couldnt even say I Love You. that kinda hurt but there aint much you can do about someone falling out of love with you. shit happens right. i dont even know what to say. if you read this just know that im sorrie and that i love you more than you could know. i hope i see you again sometime. i hope your holding up alright, and like youve always said -- dont lose the thought that in the end we'll still be together. I Love You Kiddo.....
::sighs::
this is gonna be a long night full of tears.
i dont even want to think anymore. i wish you could shut the ability of thinking off and then turn it back on when you needed it. that would be sweet. too bad life works against you instead of with you.
i seen robbie the other night for the first time in a long ass time. it was so weird. it was like meeting him for the first time all over again. i felt like i was falling in love all over again only my feelings werent as strong. i almost felt as though i was afraid to love him for the first time in a year. there was so much i wanted to say to him but i couldnt. i blew him off on sunday which wasnt a good thing but i didnt have it in my to see him again. it took alot out of me just seeing him for the half hour that i did. i miss him like crazy and just sittin here thinking about him i want to call him but i know he wont talk to me cuz i got the usual "i want my shit back" message already. didnt exactly want things to go down like that but what did i really leave him to expect? i was wrong this time. i was really wrong. i want to be with him but i can right now. i wish i could have the chance to be with him again in the future whether it be far or near but i know i cant have that. its confusing. i would get back with him right now in an instant but theres alot of things i need to figure out for myself before i get back into a relationship whether it be with him or with anybody for that matter. i just need time to re-adjust to life. i need to get my shit together. i know ive had alot of time being with out him but at the same time i really havent because ive still been talkin to him and things havent really changed except for our title. has hard as its going to be now is going to be the time when i cut off all ties. when i get things together and figure out what i want to do with my life. i wish he was here by my side to support me and tell me things will be fine and things will work out but i dont even have that. all i have is what will probally be the last message i'll get from him and he couldnt even say I Love You. that kinda hurt but there aint much you can do about someone falling out of love with you. shit happens right. i dont even know what to say. if you read this just know that im sorrie and that i love you more than you could know. i hope i see you again sometime. i hope your holding up alright, and like youve always said -- dont lose the thought that in the end we'll still be together. I Love You Kiddo.....
::sighs::
this is gonna be a long night full of tears.
i dont even want to think anymore. i wish you could shut the ability of thinking off and then turn it back on when you needed it. that would be sweet. too bad life works against you instead of with you.