Pretty bad night.
So I really fucked up. I cut four times when I promised Jake that I would call him if I felt like doing it. I felt pathetic and I didn't want to wake him up. I hate waking him up just to cry into the receiver and make him feel sad. I sort of panicked. There were skinny women on television and I thought about how I'm probably too much for Jake to handle with all of my problems. I love him so much and I want so bad for him to be happy and when I feel like I'm not making him happy, I cut and he gets unhappy. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO????? I feel completely helpless. I'm a failure. I'm crying like a baby over my keyboard. THIS IS IT. No eating. No sleeping tonight. I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE IT.