(no subject)
Ok, now that I'm out of school and unemployed, I am bored. All the time. It gives my brain a lot of time think really stupid things.
The other day, I was really hungover and I was driving to get something to drink and the only thought I could really hold onto was about Louis thinking that Italian rappers have an unfair advantage because all the words already rhyme. Anyway, I'm not hungover today, which means my thoughts are equally stupid, they are just longer. So, here are some of them. If you read them... lucky you. Not.
I got up at like noon (I went to bed at about 11:30...wtf) and turned on the TV and yay! The last half of Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion was on. Toward the end I saw an ad with Bill Engvall in it and I was like, "You fuck right off, Bill Engvall." Then when Romy and Michelle was over, the opening credits of a Chevy Chase movie came on and I was like, "This is not Caddyshack so YOU can fuck right off, Chevy Chase." And then I mentally consulted my list of celebrities (I use the term loosely) who can fuck right off and the first person who came to mind was, for some reason, Keira Knightley. Anyway, I changed the channel in order to avoid Chevy Chase and the first one I turned to, Keira Knightley and was suddenly all up in my grill and I was like...what? But it's King Arthur and I can't look away.
See, the previous paragraph is a nice illustration of why I can't write anything other than academic papers. If I try to construct a cohesive narrative, everything just goes to shit. It would probably help if I had better material than a mild coincidence about thinking about Keira Knightley and then seeing Keira Knightley. And for the record, I'm not sure that I think Keira Knightley can fuck right off. Based soley on her roles in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, I'm going to go ahead and say she can. Same with you, Orlando Bloom. Also, she's freakishly thin and makes me feel bad about myself. Then again, most female celebrities do, so I shouldn't hold that against her personally.
I can't wait until I can put my brain in a robot body. Or at least be a Futurama-style head in a jar. Did you know that someone patented the technology to keeps human heads alive, separate from their bodies? They've never actually tested it, but according to my sister, it's theoretically possible (Erika has always shamed me with her intelligence, and now that she's in medical school it's even worse... in any case, I tend to assume she knows what she's talking about). I think that's awesome! Why has no one tried this? I feel like there would be plenty of volunteers whose torsos have betrayed them. Patrick Swayze, I'm looking at you.
Edit:
This is for Marisa.
From textsfromlastnight.com:
(484): New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The other day, I was really hungover and I was driving to get something to drink and the only thought I could really hold onto was about Louis thinking that Italian rappers have an unfair advantage because all the words already rhyme. Anyway, I'm not hungover today, which means my thoughts are equally stupid, they are just longer. So, here are some of them. If you read them... lucky you. Not.
I got up at like noon (I went to bed at about 11:30...wtf) and turned on the TV and yay! The last half of Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion was on. Toward the end I saw an ad with Bill Engvall in it and I was like, "You fuck right off, Bill Engvall." Then when Romy and Michelle was over, the opening credits of a Chevy Chase movie came on and I was like, "This is not Caddyshack so YOU can fuck right off, Chevy Chase." And then I mentally consulted my list of celebrities (I use the term loosely) who can fuck right off and the first person who came to mind was, for some reason, Keira Knightley. Anyway, I changed the channel in order to avoid Chevy Chase and the first one I turned to, Keira Knightley and was suddenly all up in my grill and I was like...what? But it's King Arthur and I can't look away.
See, the previous paragraph is a nice illustration of why I can't write anything other than academic papers. If I try to construct a cohesive narrative, everything just goes to shit. It would probably help if I had better material than a mild coincidence about thinking about Keira Knightley and then seeing Keira Knightley. And for the record, I'm not sure that I think Keira Knightley can fuck right off. Based soley on her roles in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, I'm going to go ahead and say she can. Same with you, Orlando Bloom. Also, she's freakishly thin and makes me feel bad about myself. Then again, most female celebrities do, so I shouldn't hold that against her personally.
I can't wait until I can put my brain in a robot body. Or at least be a Futurama-style head in a jar. Did you know that someone patented the technology to keeps human heads alive, separate from their bodies? They've never actually tested it, but according to my sister, it's theoretically possible (Erika has always shamed me with her intelligence, and now that she's in medical school it's even worse... in any case, I tend to assume she knows what she's talking about). I think that's awesome! Why has no one tried this? I feel like there would be plenty of volunteers whose torsos have betrayed them. Patrick Swayze, I'm looking at you.
Edit:
This is for Marisa.
From textsfromlastnight.com:
(484): New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport