(no subject)
Well... What can I say about today other then it has been a horrible day... Sat outside for about an hour and thought about life, what I wanted to do, couldnt sit still so I got my MP3 player danced around on my porch for a while and the guys next door kept staring at me through there window... So I stopped and really thought... What should I do with my life, and why was I put on this earth. I couldnt really think of anything to do with my life and why I was put on this earth I only came up with bad ideas, like to bother people until they are ready to commit suscide, to try to help but only make things worse, to blow up the world to make it a better place... non-exciting. To not be loved but very loving and then when your not loved by someone you really love you go on a rage ready to kill anyone who steps in your path, a gang-banger, a gun men, anything that involves vilonce. I havent thought about anything good at all for a while. The only thing that was going through my mind then was why are you here! What are you going to do? Now that your stuck with bad things you can do.
After sitting for about an hour I couldnt think anymore, every single time I thought about something it was jsut a bad idea. So I was listing to sean paul we be burning... And then every tiny little detail I ever knew about drugs came rushing into my head and I was like " Is this a sign? I hope it isnt!" I didnt know I was automatically confused. So I switched the song, which then turned to my december, a great song to make me sad! But at that moment it didnt even matter. At that moment I began to think I have no reason to be on this earth other then to be bitched at by my people in my family, hated by my class, and failing in life. I just want to think twords the future like why am I like this.
After I read Craigs live journal something really sparked in my mind. I have alot of things in common with that entry, like people always say to me " You have an old soul." and " Your 14 going on 40" it really pisses me off when people say that to me. I think I matured to fast for myself because right away people make a stupid comment in class, everyone finds it funny but me and the teacher. I dont understan why I must be so mature for my age, I know it may be a good thing or not a good thing but I dont know. I feel like I'm too mature for my age and that I shouldnt be this mature at all. The guys in my class find every little thing funny and the girls find every thing and mostly me funny, and what do I find funny.... Nothing... But walruses, and how my boobs go on for ever( that isnt a funny statement)
I decided that if I dont find what my purpose is in life in the next week, I'm going to ask you guys what you think it is! And if you dont come up with it then I guess I will have to think harder, and if I still dont know then I must have deep seeded issues that I will have a hard time continplating with.
Okay... Now that thats off my chest, how about more bad bus experences!
Yesterday! This bitch kicked my bad knee really hard! I was five secconds away from punching her face in and making her so ugly a mother couldnt even love her! It wouldnt take much but I was going to do it!
Today! The same bitch pulled my hair and hit me on my head because a boy kept playing around with her If people would only know how colse I was to killing her! Then it would have been fine! I dont even care about these bitches anymore!
Today at home just now I'm getting even more pissed off then I was when I got home! Then today yesterday my Mom was like "If you get sick I'm not taking care of you!" Just because I told her to cover her mouth when she was coughing because she kept coughing when I was there but when Amy was there she always covered her mouth. Then she yells at me after I say ohh... I want one of thoughts too! Becasue I want to show how much I support amy with grease and shes like ME FIRST! BITCH DA BITCH LA BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm ready to go insane! If you care about me leave me a very loving comment I really need it!
After sitting for about an hour I couldnt think anymore, every single time I thought about something it was jsut a bad idea. So I was listing to sean paul we be burning... And then every tiny little detail I ever knew about drugs came rushing into my head and I was like " Is this a sign? I hope it isnt!" I didnt know I was automatically confused. So I switched the song, which then turned to my december, a great song to make me sad! But at that moment it didnt even matter. At that moment I began to think I have no reason to be on this earth other then to be bitched at by my people in my family, hated by my class, and failing in life. I just want to think twords the future like why am I like this.
After I read Craigs live journal something really sparked in my mind. I have alot of things in common with that entry, like people always say to me " You have an old soul." and " Your 14 going on 40" it really pisses me off when people say that to me. I think I matured to fast for myself because right away people make a stupid comment in class, everyone finds it funny but me and the teacher. I dont understan why I must be so mature for my age, I know it may be a good thing or not a good thing but I dont know. I feel like I'm too mature for my age and that I shouldnt be this mature at all. The guys in my class find every little thing funny and the girls find every thing and mostly me funny, and what do I find funny.... Nothing... But walruses, and how my boobs go on for ever( that isnt a funny statement)
I decided that if I dont find what my purpose is in life in the next week, I'm going to ask you guys what you think it is! And if you dont come up with it then I guess I will have to think harder, and if I still dont know then I must have deep seeded issues that I will have a hard time continplating with.
Okay... Now that thats off my chest, how about more bad bus experences!
Yesterday! This bitch kicked my bad knee really hard! I was five secconds away from punching her face in and making her so ugly a mother couldnt even love her! It wouldnt take much but I was going to do it!
Today! The same bitch pulled my hair and hit me on my head because a boy kept playing around with her If people would only know how colse I was to killing her! Then it would have been fine! I dont even care about these bitches anymore!
Today at home just now I'm getting even more pissed off then I was when I got home! Then today yesterday my Mom was like "If you get sick I'm not taking care of you!" Just because I told her to cover her mouth when she was coughing because she kept coughing when I was there but when Amy was there she always covered her mouth. Then she yells at me after I say ohh... I want one of thoughts too! Becasue I want to show how much I support amy with grease and shes like ME FIRST! BITCH DA BITCH LA BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm ready to go insane! If you care about me leave me a very loving comment I really need it!