another fanfiction?
Title: Clarity
Pairings/Characters: Matsumura Hokuto/Kouchi Yugo
Rating/Genre: PG, angst (?)/drama (?)
Fandom: JE; Juniors
Word Count: 3,108
Disclaimer: All Rights Reserved. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made.
A/N: The line's are from the rp plot we've made but the other end didn't really sent a reply after so i altered the ending a bit. I think i made this around December last year? And this is the first story thingy that I've made so forgive me if it's a bit confusing. Wrote it as a first person so yeah... that's about it. And oh the story's a bit depressing. lol
Kouchi Yugo POV
Waking up to a very loud ringing in my ears I reached for my phone and clumsily turned off the alarm, cradling my head with both hands feeling it throbbing, I blinked my eyes a few times adjusting them to the bright surrounding I’m in. Trying to shake off sleep I strained to remember where I was and why I’m here and so I turned to look around, seeing that light seems to seep off through the pristine white walls and ceiling. Although this room seems familiar I’m pretty sure this isn’t my usual bedroom. Still half asleep I checked for the time at my cell phone, just then I mentally kicked myself as I slowly sat up and see his angelic face, smiling and looking back as if daring me to try and touch him. Forgetting my splitting headache for a moment, I clutched at my chest feeling that all too familiar squeeze, which I’m pretty sure I should have been more accustomed to by now, but not really.
“Hokku..” I whispered, wishing I could bring him back at my side with just that.
Feeling more wakeful, I closed my eyes as I leaned back on the headboard letting some of my previous moments with him drown me for the nth time.
It was about a week before Hokuto and I was able to talk properly after the fiasco over our engagement and things hadn’t really been quite the same after that, well for me at least since I even made a promise to hold back on being too sweet or touchy so I won’t seem too clingy. That’s why I mentally braced myself as I knocked softly on their front door, preparing for the cold treatment that I might get.
“Hello,” I called out uncertainly just as I heard soft footsteps approaching. As soon as the door has opened I found myself almost falling back, catching an excited Hokuto in my arms.
“Hi,” Hokuto said enthusiastically as he pulled back and started dragging me along inside the house, looking all happy with that big smile plastered on his face.
Feeling relieved with this greeting I found myself smiling brightly and blurting out “I’ve missed you,” cheerfully. At that instant Hokuto suddenly stopped to face me again, still smiling as he quickly buried his face on my shoulder and answering in a small voice seemingly embarrassed “I’ve missed you too.” With just that Hokuto easily crumbled my resolve and even made me forget the fact that the door was still half open, not caring if anyone could see us, I pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head.
“How have you been?” I asked in a soft voice, drawing back a little so I could see his face.
“Missing you.” He answered with a pout. Seeing him pout like that, I can’t help but smile even wider as I pecked the tip of his nose.
“And you?” Hokuto asked back scrunching his nose.
“I’m good, now that you’re here…” I answered smiling at his reaction. Just then Hokuto decided to lean closer pressing his lips to mine for a chaste kiss.
“Yokatta,” he was able to mutter before I captured his lips for yet another kiss.
Pulling back, smiling and looking quite satisfied, Hokuto cuddled up to me warming me up, asking what our plan is for the day. At that moment a single thought echoed through my mind. I’ve actually been debating for quite some time now if I should show him my supposed to be surprise wedding gift. But then I remembered it would still take us quite a while before marriage talks can be brought up again.
“I don’t know, what would you like to do?” I asked hesitantly. Noticing my uneasiness Hokuto tilted his head a little and asks whining, “If you have an idea, tell me.”
“But, I’m not sure. I might scare you away again.” I answered smiling at him anxiously.
“Again?” Hokuto replied confusion evident on his face. At this point it dawned on me, my assumption on Hokuto’s real feelings on our situation was wrong. I’ve wasted a week worrying over a problem that didn’t exist in the first place. Laughing at my stupidity (mentally), I’ve decided to tell Hokuto what had been bugging me these last few days.
“Yeah, I mean after I’ve proposed to you, you seemed a bit off.” I said looking at his shoulder to hide my embarrassment.
“I have? I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” Hokuto exclaimed, his brows knitting in worry as he took my absurd confession seriously.
“You don’t need to apologize, really.” I replied shaking my head chuckling at his reaction as I poked the tip of his nose, earning another cute pout in the process.
“But if you really want, I’d like to show you something.” I said deciding on the spot that it just might be ok to show Hokuto THE surprise.
“I do.” Hokuto answered with a smile.
“Ok then, ikkou.” I said taking one of his hands in mine leading him out again.
“Where are we going anyway?” Hokuto asked curiously as I stand on the walkway waiting for him to finish locking their house since his parents, Fuma and Kento, are almost always out.
“Hmm,” I said thoughtfully. “You’ll know when we get there.” I replied giving him a small smile and a wink as I get into the driver’s seat, thanking my dad mentally for allowing me to use the car today. Hokuto let out a giggle as he got into the front seat. Thinking of all the possibilities on how things might get downhill after this, I can’t help but feel nervous as I look at him and start the engine.
“Let’s go then.” I let out anxiously.
“You ok?” Hokuto asks concern evident on his voice.
“Hai, I am.” I answered nodding my head a bit, as I look ahead driving fast.
“Are we in a rush?” Hokuto looks at my direction, his eyes widening a bit, seemingly sensing my tension.
“Hmm, no, sorry was I driving too fast?” I laughed sheepishly slowing down my speed in the process.
“No, I just thought you were driving faster than usual.” Hokuto said with a smile.
It’s been quite a while since we’ve actually spent time together so having Hokuto by my side again, I can’t help but feel happy and content, although a bit nervous on what his reaction might be on this little trip. Grabbing the chance to be make him blush as well as let this bunch of butterflies out of my stomach, I took hold of his hand with my free one saying softly in one breath “I love you Hokku.”. Getting surprised with my bold statement, Hokuto blushed a bit and squeezed my hand back saying a timid “I love you too.”
We drove in comfortable silence through the city, finally getting closer to our destination as the scenery dramatically changed having more trees and no skyscrapers to block the sky. The sun’s up and strong, back dropped by a sky in the perfect shade of blue, I glanced at Hokuto who is clearly enjoying the scenery looking out at the distance with a smile that’s more brighter than the sun. Turning right to a semi-secluded area surrounded with more trees, I can’t help but whisper to myself “Nearly there.” What I forgot was that Hokuto would hear me too.
“Hm?” Hokuto asked.
“Uhm„ nothing.” I smiled nervously at him as got a glimpse of a white house.
“Oh, I thought you said something.” Hokuto replied with a smile, turning his attention back on the scenery again almost seeing my surprise but failed as I turned the car to a curve.
We’ve finally reached our destination turning up to the driveway of the simple 2 storey white house I’ve seen from afar. No one really knows of this, except my family, but my late grandfather entrusted me this house. It’s supposed to be the place where I should start my own family. And now that I have Hokuto in my life, I’m pretty sure it’s him I’d want to be with forever. Reaching to a full stop and pulling over, I’ve cleared my throat and announced “We’re here.” Just then I see Hokuto’s eyes widen in confusion, “Where.. is here?”
I couldn’t get a hold of my thoughts properly cause of nervousness, so kicking myself mentally I rushed out and opened the car door for him, while managing to utter a very dumb, “Uhm..” Hokuto being a well-bred kid that he is gives me a courteous nod to thank me before spinning around to face me again and ask, “Hm?”
Trying to gather my courage, I took a hold of his hand leading him inside the house.
“Uhm, no one’s really here. I think the caretaker’s out.” I said as we’ve reached the hallway leading to the living room and the staircase to the second floor.
“Caretakers? Whose house is this?” Hokuto asked still confused as to why I’ve brought him here.
“I kind of got it from my grandfather, just got it remodelled a bit.” I answered scratching the back of my head.
“Oooh, so it’s yours?” Hokuto cooed at me as he looked around seemingly in awe.
“It was supposed to be a surprise.” I said in serious tone.
“A surprise?” Hokuto repeats as he wanders around confused.
“It’s… it’s ours… if ever..” I trailed of not quite sure how that statement would be taken by Hokuto.
“O-O-O-Ours..?” Hokuto managed to stutter with me looking at him nervously. After a few agonizing seconds of just standing there staring, Hokuto suddenly jumped into my arms and whispered, “I love you.” Catching him and smiling widely feeling relieved, I’ve managed to say “I love you too.”
“I can’t even tell you how happy I am.” Hokuto uttered as he held onto me tighter.
“I thought this would’ve scared you.” I replied burying my head on his shoulder and holding him closer.
Pulling back a little so he could kiss my forehead, Hokuto asks “Why would you think that?”
Feeling my cheeks burn with that gesture I shook my head as I said “Nothing, I just thought this might be too much.”
“No way.” Hokuto replied with an amused expression on his face.
“That’s good then,” I said smiling back and asking “would you like a tour?” Hokuto then nods excitedly. Taking one of his hands in mine, I started to lead him around the house.
“Waa, big house.” Hokuto exclaimed admiring the house as we look around.
Glancing back at him and smiling, “It won’t be that big when we move in here.”
“Y-y-yeah.” Hokuto stuttered blushing at my implication. Seeing him blush like that I can’t help but smile at him sweetly, kissing the side of his head while putting an arm around his waist pulling him closer to me as we walk more around the house.Blushing even harder at our sudden closeness Hokuto can’t help but stutter even more
“W-w-where to next?” Chuckling at his cuteness I tapped at my chin a bit thinking out loud.
“Hmm, let’s see we’ve covered the whole first floor the only important thing left is That.” Turning my head to glance at him giving him a sweet smile, I slowly slipped my hand twinning it to his, leading him on the second floor. Finally reaching our destination I opened the door on possibly the biggest room in the house.
“Waa,” Hokuto exclaimed spinning around the pristine white circular room with a mini library on one side, a walk-in closet near the door the bathroom, a white round bed full of black pillows in the middle side of the room and a small sofa along with some guitars and television near the balcony. “It’s massive.”
Charmed by his reaction, I can’t help but tease a little “Do you like our bedroom?”
Just then Hokuto decides answer by falling on the bed, letting out a small oof “It’s soft.” Hokuto said smiling.
Chuckling softly at his cute antics, I sat beside him trying hard to control my urge to pounce on him right then and there. Since I promised myself I would hold myself back, that I won’t initiate much skin contact even if I would seem too awkward or cold, although I’ve already failed at it. So I decided to just lie beside him looking at the ceiling while twisting with my hands together as another thought occurred to me. “Uhm.”
“Hm?” Hokuto asks.
“Oh, nothing. It’s nothing.” I replied at him shaking my head and chuckling at my stupid idea.
“Whaaaaaat??” Hokuto replied rolling over to look at me pouting, clearly getting annoyed at all my uncertainty.
“Really it’s nothing.” I said smiling at him, amused at how cute he can get whenever he pouts.
“Tell me.” Hokuto whines brows furrowing together.
I shifted my body so as to fully face him then leaned closer to kiss the tip of his nose.
“It’s nothing, so would you like to tell me where you’ve been to?” I asked, deciding that it would be best not to push my luck to the limit.
“Don’t change the subject!” Hokuto pouts as he rolls away from me.
I couldn’t really stand Hokuto getting angry at me. So I decided to forget my promise as I put an arm around his waist and whisper his name.
“Hokuto..”
Clearly still not budging, Hokuto replies a small “Hmphh.”
Deciding to not hold back anymore, I pulled him closer so his back is on my chest as I nuzzled my nose at his nape whispering “I know this is a bad idea, and your parents might not approve. But..” Pausing, hesitating for a bit if I should ask this now, but decides to go through this whatever the outcome would be. “Would you like to live with me?” I finished.
Hokuto then turns around slowly clearly not expecting me to drop this bomb but still manages to stutter “R-R-R-Really?”
Not really sure how to take that, I felt my face burn and decided to just nod at him. Just then Hokuto leaned his forehead to mine not expecting to hear him say “Why would you even ask? Of course, I’d love to.”
Letting out a sigh of relief I smiled at him saying “Really..?”
“Really.” Hokuto replied as he pressed his lips to mine, adding in “baka.” As he pulled back smiling.
“Now we just have to let your parents know about this.” I said chuckling as I hug him tightly. “Ah, yeah.” Hokuto replied smiling cutely.
“So when would you like to move in?” I asked eagerly.
“Tomorrow, I’ll sleepover for tonight.” Hokuto replies as he snuggled closer to me. Elated by his reply I let out a small laugh pressing my body even more closely, holding him tight, as I leaned to gently kiss him. Feeling him smile as we kissed, I pulled back a bit to softly whisper, “Thank you Hokku.”
“For?” Hokuto asked.
Turning red in the face feeling a bit embarrassed to what I’m going to admit, “For making me happy.” I said looking at him in the eyes.
“It’s my pleasure. You’ve made me happy so it’s the least I can do, right? Hokuto nonchalantly replied.
I held my breath back for a bit and just smiled at Hokuto, feeling a crack in my heart with what I just heard. I didn’t really expect him to say that, maybe I just heard it wrong or maybe Hokuto hadn’t meant anything from that. That’s it, I just might have just misunderstood what he meant by that. Still defending Hokuto from myself I was jolted back to reality as I heard him laugh. Not trusting my smile to be able to hide how I really felt at that moment, I decided to close my eyes and just hold him as close as possible. Just then I felt him kissing my neck, pulling back I donned on my best smile, kissing the top of his head as I rubbed his back since I wasn’t really in the mood for anything at that moment. Catching on to my mood Hokuto decided to just rest his head on my chest, probably hearing my every heartbeat, but not really understanding that it’s crying out for him. Stroking his hair Hokuto eventually fell asleep in my arms.
Choking on the lump on my throat, a lone tear escaped my eye as I was jarred back to the present moment. “Pathetic just… pathetic” I mentally berated myself, laughing bitterly as I wiped it off my cheeks. What a big mess I’ve become after a month of being apart from him. I’ve tried to numb myself from feeling anything but it nothing really helps. Something always comes up to remind me of him. The only thing that helped me was my sparring session with Juri, but now I don’t even have that since he needed to go somewhere. I sat up more comfortably letting out a deep breath. Resting my hand that’s holding my cell phone on one leg and started staring at Hokuto’s smiling face, enthralled, confused and hurt. Why won’t you contact me, why.. I kept asking myself, going over everything I had said and done. Trying to place the moment when I’d lost him. Then my phone suddenly beeped, my eyes widening in excitement as I read the name that flashed on the screen. “Hokuto..” I exclaimed hands fumbling as I hurriedly opened the mail he’s sent. My smile fading as I start to read the message…
Hey.. I miss you so much. But don’t wait for me anymore. I won’t be coming back, I just can’t. So just think of it as a bad dream. Forget everything. Forget about me. I’m sorry.
-Hokuto
“Just think of it as a bad dream….. Forget everything….” Mumbling to myself I started to laugh manically, my tears starting to pour again. It seemed like hours that I was like that, head bowed down as I hug my knees, my pants soaking wet as my tears continued to pour. It’s not like I didn’t expect this.. I’ve seen this coming I just didn’t believed it. I needed sign and I got it, though I didn’t really expected Hokuto to be this blunt. Feeling more numb than ever, my hands decided on typing the last message I’ll be sending him in autopilot.
No… I won’t forget…I'll remember.. I’ll remember for the both of us. All the time we spent together, so YOU can forget about it... Be happy Hokuto.
-Yugo
