(no subject)
So... Apparently my list of shit I can't do got revised.
1. My car/broom/ or wand is not a robot in disguise.
2. Nor am I.
3. Not allowed to bite Near to see if he tastes like marshmallows.
4. Not allowed to tie chocolate bars to a string and attach them to a remote control car or broom and see if Mello will chase it.
5. I am not the antichrist.
6. 36 is not the answer to everything.
7. Must not ask ANY professor in the school if they are on drugs, especially McGonagall.
8. Not allowed to give info about dark wizards to the ministry just because someone looked at me funny.
9. Not allowed to dance, ever again.
10. Must not scream out that I am a wizard who can make potions that can blow up cars.
11. Even if it is true.
12. Not allowed to sing the entire Top Gun soundtrack during flying lessons ever again
13. Must stop referring to myself as a Jedi master.
14. Brad Pitt has everything on me.
15. I am not a ninja, pirate or a combination of the two.
16. Not allowed to smoke in class unless I bring enough cigarettes for everyone else.
17. Not allowed to smoke in class even if I *DID* bring enough for everyone.
18. I did not lead the Goblin rebellion
19. Not allowed to tell teachers that I won't be in for class because I am drunk and will be hung over.
20. "Take off your pants and jacket" does not mean "Take off your pants and jack it."
21. Must not attempt to see if Near squeaks.
22. I cannot lure boys to my yard with promises of milkshakes.
23. Unattended first years are not "community property".
24. I may not hold said community property up for auction.
25. Said First years not claimed after 30 days do not become available to the public.
26. I may not assume ownership of said Frist years.
27. Nor my I attempt to resell them.
28. My life is not a retarded shoujo clichés so I need to stop throwing cherry blossom petals around me.
29. Not allowed to own snakes for the sake of bringing them on planes or in the classroom.
30. I am not the new British Prime Minister.
31. I am not the new Minister of Magic either.
32. Nor may I claim that I should be.
33. Just because girls can wear pants does not mean that I can wear skirts.
34. The prefects bathroom may not be used as a porno set.
35. I may not in the company of civilized Muggles claim that Camilla Parker Bowles won the American Preakness.
36. Nor may I refer to her as "Camilla Barker Bowles", "Camilla Parker Jowles", or any other similar names.
37. Muggles are not "the other white meat".
38. I am not the secret lover of any British Prince,
39. Nor am I the lovechild of any such union.
40. I am not what Willis was talkin' 'bout.
41. I'm never allowed to steal Haseo's baby again.
42. Must stop referring to Professor Nia as a MILF.
43. I am not the Dark Lord and must stop saying so.
44. I may not refer to my genitalia as "the other other white meat".
45. Nor "it's what's for dinner".
46. Nor any other famous advertising slogan.
47. I am not allowed to bring upon the zombie apocalypse.
48. Not even with dead kittens.
49. I am not on Alesse.
50. It is BMW, not me, that is "the ultimate driving machine".
51. My pants are not "home of the Whopper".
52. I will not tell people that I am Nike and invite them to "just do it".
53. Must stop asking Grimmjow to sign my Billy Idol CD.
54. I will not introduce myself by saying "your name must be Visa, 'cause you're everywhere I wanna be."
55. Must not refer to the Headmaster as being bat shit crazy.
56. I am not a spy for the ministry.
57. Must stop trying to take Fawks feathers for the creation of phoenix downs.
58. Professor Flitwick is not one of Santa's elves.
59. I should not ask him for presents.
60. I must not like short shorts nor wear them
61. Clothes must be worn under my robes at all times.
62. Even if I like to feel the breeze.
63. I am not Slim Shady.
64. I am not bringing sexy back, no matter how many times I claim otherwise.
65. No matter how long it's been since I've last eaten, I may not claim to be "hungry like the wolf".
66. I may not use this as an excuse to bite people.
67. I must not approach a vampire and ask if they sparkle.
68. Must not ask if room mater, Ali, will bring Jihad upon the world.
69. That number and tell people about it.
70. I am not allowed to take over Poland.
71. I am not allowed to enter any bar that supports Manchester or Puddlemere United or Holyhead harpies.
72. If said bar supports said football team or Quidditch teams , I am not allowed to proudly display my shirt and give 213 reasons why my team is better.
73. I am to cease and desist of selling Bel’s belongings on ebay because he's a criminal.
74. when i do the above, I should not make a public announcement informing everyone about said sale, especially on a forum where Bel can see.
75. I am never EVER allowed to bring up the subject of candy mountain again with Tamaki.
76. I am not allowed to sell maps to candy mountain to the first-years again.
77. Taking off my goggles will not kill me, only temporarily blind me.
78. I do not own kryptonite of any form.
79. No base are belong to I.
80. Just because I am white does not give me the right to play that "funky music" until I die.
81. Despite what lyrics may say "the song that never ends" does really end.
82. Just because I'm "pretty fly (for a white guy)" does not entitle me to play the song expressing such everywhere I go.
83. Dressing up as a death eater for Halloween = bad idea. I DID IT BEFORE THE POSERS IN FIFTH YEAR DID IT, I WAS DOING IT BEFORE IT WAS COOL.
84. Just because I came to get down, that does not require I get out my seat and jump around.
85. The Knight bus is not the Venga bus, despite the fact that it's jumping.
86. Everyone is already well aware that I am a Super Freak, and I needn't remind them.
87. I am not a straight up G.
88. Hammer Pants will never come back.
89. I am not "kickin' it old school".
90. At no point in time am I to 'serve' anyone.
91. I am not allowed to drunkenly explain the virtues of Rick Astley.
92. Though I may in fact be a gangsta dawg, I must stop claiming to be the original such.
93. I did not lose a leg in the Gulf War.
94. I did not get my arm shot off in 'Nam.
95. No one needs or wants to know what I did with a two by four, a bag of skittles and six tubes of lube.
96. Freedom of speech no longer applies to Matt.
97. I am guilty until proven innocent.
98. I will not greet people with "goo goo g' joob".
99. I am not the walrus.
100. I did not shoot the sheriff OR the deputy.
101. Just because I've got it does not require that I flaunt it.
102. I am no longer allowed to conduct polls in the school.
103. Happy hour does not exist at Hogwarts.
104. "Just to see if I could" is not a viable excuse.
105. Nor is it an exemption of the law.
106. I will not instigate revolution.
107. The South shall not rise again.
108. A fire drill does not demand a fire.
109. Non-flammable is not a challenge.
110. Students shouldn't be called butter just because their legs spread easily.
111. I am not the sex ed teacher and should not say otherwise.
112. It's fried chicken, not friend chicken.
113. Just because a girl is a whore does not mean that I have the right to scream about it at breakfast in the great hall.
114. I'm not allowed to predict peoples deaths.
115. I am not allowed to give Akito the following: Sugar, drugs, booze, full body massage, a slinky, sparkles, or anything else that will give Agito a headache.
116. I am not allowed to experiment on students.
117. Even if I pay them.
118. I am not allowed to start my own House.
119. My real name is not Edwardo Sanchez.
120. I am never again to try and eat as many marshmallow peeps as possible, even if a Professor bets money on it.
121. I am not allowed out of my dorm when the Ministry visits. NULL AND VOID NOW, SUCKAS.
122. I do not feel like a woman.
123. No one wishes that their girlfriend was hot like me.
124. None of the teachers are interested in seeing sock puppets perform Star Wars IV - VI.
125. House elves do float and I do not need to test that theory.
126. I do not have spider senses.
127. If I did, they would not tingle.
128. 'Do not enter' does not mean make a new door to get in.
129. When a teacher says no it does not mean the same thing as when a drunk girls says no.
130. Just because there are students named after Norse Gods does not mean that I need to make sacrifices to them.
131. Having detention with Sgt. Johnson does not make me a POW.
132. Tin foil does not keep out the noise.
133. I am not to offer the giant squid alcohol even if it gives me the puppy dog eyes.
134. I may not operate a drug cartel inside my dorm.
135. Nor am I allowed to do it anywhere else in the school.
136. I am not to make money off of other peoples stupidity.
137. I may not buy or sell human organs on school property without permission.
138. I am not King of the World.
139. I may not use this excuse to sentence people to death.
140. Nor to declare war on other planets.
141. I am not allowed to write letters the headmasters of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang and pose as Dumbledore.
142. When said Headmasters visit the school I am not to say that the French are frootloops or frogs and the Hungarians are rocks.
144. I am not allowed to sell gossip to Peeves.
145. nor the Daily Prophet.
146. The golden snitch is not out to get me.
147. I am not allowed to hold a press conference.
148. My name is not a subliminal message.
149. I am not allowed to make lists of people to do anymore.
150. No matter how I sing, I do not sing the body electric.
151. I am not allowed to write a tell all book about events at Hogwarts.
152. I am not allowed to barter the souls of second years.
153. Third years are not for target practice.
154. Even if someone is in fact shaking their ass, I may not inform them that I see them doing such, especially through song.
155. I am not allowed to speak in binary.
156. I may not question an Auror.
157. I am not allowed to search bodies for a restart button.
158. I may not add silly words to the school song.
159. The Whopping willow does not want hugs from first years.
160. There is no gold buried at the base of the Whomping Willow.
161. I am not a Spartan.
162. Though not impossible, it would be quite unpleasant to be my own grandpa.
163. I am not the reason why Scorsese only won one best film Oscar.
164. I must not transfigure items into sex toys.
165. Professor McGonagall should not be mistaken for a stray cat.
166. I did not shoot JFK.
167. Nor JR Ewing.
168. My personal conquests aside, I am not the famous Deepthroat.
169. I do not need to fight for my right to party.
170. Nor should I encourage others to do so.
171. I don't really have to live on the lawn.
172. I will not request professors repeat their instructions slower and deeper.
173. Nor will I ask them to spank me while doing so.
174. I will not use others to fulfill my fantasies
175. "Kinky!" is not an appropriate response to any statement.
176. Nor is "yeah baby!".
177. I will not greet professors with whistling, catcalls, or requests to "take it off".
178. Observing someone working is not the same as demanding they "work it".
179. I must not make crop circles in the quidditch pitch.
180. I must not inform people that a dingo ate their baby.
181. Unless it's true.
182. And even then, I must not use an exaggerated Australian accent.
183. By no means may I inform Professor Nia or Professor Sanzo such.
184. Fourth years are not punching bags.
185. Fifth years are not open for virginity taking.
186. First years are not "fresh meat".
187. Nor are they "jail bait".
188. Head boy is not as kinky as it sounds.
189. Nor is head girl.
190. I cannot call someone a pussy because students are clearly not a woman's reproductive organ.
191. Sixth years are not here for me to mind control.
192. I will not encourage students to do The Time Warp for the first time, much less again.
193. There are no pimps in my crib.
194. My pants are not invisible.
195. Every time I punch someone, I am not allowed to hum fanfare music.
196. I am not allowed to mix up the water and vodka when making jello for everyone.
197. I am not allowed to ride on the roof of the Hogwarts Express.
198. I am not a Red Mage.
199. In relation to [rule 22, regarding boys, yards and milkshakes], I may not teach others to do so.
200. I absolutely may not charge for such teaching.
201. Lap dances are not currency.
202. Must not tell Professor Yukimi to check out poon at toys r' us.
203. I must not major in bitches and hoes.
204. I did not let the dogs out, nor may I ask who did.
205. It's Hufflepuff, not Hufflefucks.
206. I must not question what people use to style their hair with no matter how unrealistic the style is.
207. I am not a survivor of Oceanic Flight 815.
208. I did not sink the Titanic.
209. I am not allowed to ask Lacus Clyne to discuss the pros and cons of ballerina flats ever again.
210. It's okay to say your girlfriend is ugly like a horse as seen reading through old journal entries. Thank you Raimei and Haseo.
211. The same goes for Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy.
212. On the topic of Santa Clause, Professor Slughorn is not "a jolly old elf", nor does he "jiggle like a bowl full of jelly".
213. I am not Batman.
1. My car/broom/ or wand is not a robot in disguise.
2. Nor am I.
3. Not allowed to bite Near to see if he tastes like marshmallows.
4. Not allowed to tie chocolate bars to a string and attach them to a remote control car or broom and see if Mello will chase it.
5. I am not the antichrist.
6. 36 is not the answer to everything.
7. Must not ask ANY professor in the school if they are on drugs, especially McGonagall.
8. Not allowed to give info about dark wizards to the ministry just because someone looked at me funny.
9. Not allowed to dance, ever again.
10. Must not scream out that I am a wizard who can make potions that can blow up cars.
11. Even if it is true.
12. Not allowed to sing the entire Top Gun soundtrack during flying lessons ever again
13. Must stop referring to myself as a Jedi master.
14. Brad Pitt has everything on me.
15. I am not a ninja, pirate or a combination of the two.
16. Not allowed to smoke in class unless I bring enough cigarettes for everyone else.
17. Not allowed to smoke in class even if I *DID* bring enough for everyone.
18. I did not lead the Goblin rebellion
19. Not allowed to tell teachers that I won't be in for class because I am drunk and will be hung over.
20. "Take off your pants and jacket" does not mean "Take off your pants and jack it."
21. Must not attempt to see if Near squeaks.
22. I cannot lure boys to my yard with promises of milkshakes.
23. Unattended first years are not "community property".
24. I may not hold said community property up for auction.
25. Said First years not claimed after 30 days do not become available to the public.
26. I may not assume ownership of said Frist years.
27. Nor my I attempt to resell them.
28. My life is not a retarded shoujo clichés so I need to stop throwing cherry blossom petals around me.
29. Not allowed to own snakes for the sake of bringing them on planes or in the classroom.
30. I am not the new British Prime Minister.
31. I am not the new Minister of Magic either.
32. Nor may I claim that I should be.
33. Just because girls can wear pants does not mean that I can wear skirts.
34. The prefects bathroom may not be used as a porno set.
35. I may not in the company of civilized Muggles claim that Camilla Parker Bowles won the American Preakness.
36. Nor may I refer to her as "Camilla Barker Bowles", "Camilla Parker Jowles", or any other similar names.
37. Muggles are not "the other white meat".
38. I am not the secret lover of any British Prince,
39. Nor am I the lovechild of any such union.
40. I am not what Willis was talkin' 'bout.
41. I'm never allowed to steal Haseo's baby again.
42. Must stop referring to Professor Nia as a MILF.
43. I am not the Dark Lord and must stop saying so.
44. I may not refer to my genitalia as "the other other white meat".
45. Nor "it's what's for dinner".
46. Nor any other famous advertising slogan.
47. I am not allowed to bring upon the zombie apocalypse.
48. Not even with dead kittens.
49. I am not on Alesse.
50. It is BMW, not me, that is "the ultimate driving machine".
51. My pants are not "home of the Whopper".
52. I will not tell people that I am Nike and invite them to "just do it".
53. Must stop asking Grimmjow to sign my Billy Idol CD.
54. I will not introduce myself by saying "your name must be Visa, 'cause you're everywhere I wanna be."
55. Must not refer to the Headmaster as being bat shit crazy.
56. I am not a spy for the ministry.
57. Must stop trying to take Fawks feathers for the creation of phoenix downs.
58. Professor Flitwick is not one of Santa's elves.
59. I should not ask him for presents.
60. I must not like short shorts nor wear them
61. Clothes must be worn under my robes at all times.
62. Even if I like to feel the breeze.
63. I am not Slim Shady.
64. I am not bringing sexy back, no matter how many times I claim otherwise.
65. No matter how long it's been since I've last eaten, I may not claim to be "hungry like the wolf".
66. I may not use this as an excuse to bite people.
67. I must not approach a vampire and ask if they sparkle.
68. Must not ask if room mater, Ali, will bring Jihad upon the world.
69. That number and tell people about it.
70. I am not allowed to take over Poland.
71. I am not allowed to enter any bar that supports Manchester or Puddlemere United or Holyhead harpies.
72. If said bar supports said football team or Quidditch teams , I am not allowed to proudly display my shirt and give 213 reasons why my team is better.
73. I am to cease and desist of selling Bel’s belongings on ebay because he's a criminal.
74. when i do the above, I should not make a public announcement informing everyone about said sale, especially on a forum where Bel can see.
75. I am never EVER allowed to bring up the subject of candy mountain again with Tamaki.
76. I am not allowed to sell maps to candy mountain to the first-years again.
77. Taking off my goggles will not kill me, only temporarily blind me.
78. I do not own kryptonite of any form.
79. No base are belong to I.
80. Just because I am white does not give me the right to play that "funky music" until I die.
81. Despite what lyrics may say "the song that never ends" does really end.
82. Just because I'm "pretty fly (for a white guy)" does not entitle me to play the song expressing such everywhere I go.
83. Dressing up as a death eater for Halloween = bad idea. I DID IT BEFORE THE POSERS IN FIFTH YEAR DID IT, I WAS DOING IT BEFORE IT WAS COOL.
84. Just because I came to get down, that does not require I get out my seat and jump around.
85. The Knight bus is not the Venga bus, despite the fact that it's jumping.
86. Everyone is already well aware that I am a Super Freak, and I needn't remind them.
87. I am not a straight up G.
88. Hammer Pants will never come back.
89. I am not "kickin' it old school".
90. At no point in time am I to 'serve' anyone.
91. I am not allowed to drunkenly explain the virtues of Rick Astley.
92. Though I may in fact be a gangsta dawg, I must stop claiming to be the original such.
93. I did not lose a leg in the Gulf War.
94. I did not get my arm shot off in 'Nam.
95. No one needs or wants to know what I did with a two by four, a bag of skittles and six tubes of lube.
96. Freedom of speech no longer applies to Matt.
97. I am guilty until proven innocent.
98. I will not greet people with "goo goo g' joob".
99. I am not the walrus.
100. I did not shoot the sheriff OR the deputy.
101. Just because I've got it does not require that I flaunt it.
102. I am no longer allowed to conduct polls in the school.
103. Happy hour does not exist at Hogwarts.
104. "Just to see if I could" is not a viable excuse.
105. Nor is it an exemption of the law.
106. I will not instigate revolution.
107. The South shall not rise again.
108. A fire drill does not demand a fire.
109. Non-flammable is not a challenge.
110. Students shouldn't be called butter just because their legs spread easily.
111. I am not the sex ed teacher and should not say otherwise.
112. It's fried chicken, not friend chicken.
113. Just because a girl is a whore does not mean that I have the right to scream about it at breakfast in the great hall.
114. I'm not allowed to predict peoples deaths.
115. I am not allowed to give Akito the following: Sugar, drugs, booze, full body massage, a slinky, sparkles, or anything else that will give Agito a headache.
116. I am not allowed to experiment on students.
117. Even if I pay them.
118. I am not allowed to start my own House.
119. My real name is not Edwardo Sanchez.
120. I am never again to try and eat as many marshmallow peeps as possible, even if a Professor bets money on it.
121. I am not allowed out of my dorm when the Ministry visits. NULL AND VOID NOW, SUCKAS.
122. I do not feel like a woman.
123. No one wishes that their girlfriend was hot like me.
124. None of the teachers are interested in seeing sock puppets perform Star Wars IV - VI.
125. House elves do float and I do not need to test that theory.
126. I do not have spider senses.
127. If I did, they would not tingle.
128. 'Do not enter' does not mean make a new door to get in.
129. When a teacher says no it does not mean the same thing as when a drunk girls says no.
130. Just because there are students named after Norse Gods does not mean that I need to make sacrifices to them.
131. Having detention with Sgt. Johnson does not make me a POW.
132. Tin foil does not keep out the noise.
133. I am not to offer the giant squid alcohol even if it gives me the puppy dog eyes.
134. I may not operate a drug cartel inside my dorm.
135. Nor am I allowed to do it anywhere else in the school.
136. I am not to make money off of other peoples stupidity.
137. I may not buy or sell human organs on school property without permission.
138. I am not King of the World.
139. I may not use this excuse to sentence people to death.
140. Nor to declare war on other planets.
141. I am not allowed to write letters the headmasters of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang and pose as Dumbledore.
142. When said Headmasters visit the school I am not to say that the French are frootloops or frogs and the Hungarians are rocks.
144. I am not allowed to sell gossip to Peeves.
145. nor the Daily Prophet.
146. The golden snitch is not out to get me.
147. I am not allowed to hold a press conference.
148. My name is not a subliminal message.
149. I am not allowed to make lists of people to do anymore.
150. No matter how I sing, I do not sing the body electric.
151. I am not allowed to write a tell all book about events at Hogwarts.
152. I am not allowed to barter the souls of second years.
153. Third years are not for target practice.
154. Even if someone is in fact shaking their ass, I may not inform them that I see them doing such, especially through song.
155. I am not allowed to speak in binary.
156. I may not question an Auror.
157. I am not allowed to search bodies for a restart button.
158. I may not add silly words to the school song.
159. The Whopping willow does not want hugs from first years.
160. There is no gold buried at the base of the Whomping Willow.
161. I am not a Spartan.
162. Though not impossible, it would be quite unpleasant to be my own grandpa.
163. I am not the reason why Scorsese only won one best film Oscar.
164. I must not transfigure items into sex toys.
165. Professor McGonagall should not be mistaken for a stray cat.
166. I did not shoot JFK.
167. Nor JR Ewing.
168. My personal conquests aside, I am not the famous Deepthroat.
169. I do not need to fight for my right to party.
170. Nor should I encourage others to do so.
171. I don't really have to live on the lawn.
172. I will not request professors repeat their instructions slower and deeper.
173. Nor will I ask them to spank me while doing so.
174. I will not use others to fulfill my fantasies
175. "Kinky!" is not an appropriate response to any statement.
176. Nor is "yeah baby!".
177. I will not greet professors with whistling, catcalls, or requests to "take it off".
178. Observing someone working is not the same as demanding they "work it".
179. I must not make crop circles in the quidditch pitch.
180. I must not inform people that a dingo ate their baby.
181. Unless it's true.
182. And even then, I must not use an exaggerated Australian accent.
183. By no means may I inform Professor Nia or Professor Sanzo such.
184. Fourth years are not punching bags.
185. Fifth years are not open for virginity taking.
186. First years are not "fresh meat".
187. Nor are they "jail bait".
188. Head boy is not as kinky as it sounds.
189. Nor is head girl.
190. I cannot call someone a pussy because students are clearly not a woman's reproductive organ.
191. Sixth years are not here for me to mind control.
192. I will not encourage students to do The Time Warp for the first time, much less again.
193. There are no pimps in my crib.
194. My pants are not invisible.
195. Every time I punch someone, I am not allowed to hum fanfare music.
196. I am not allowed to mix up the water and vodka when making jello for everyone.
197. I am not allowed to ride on the roof of the Hogwarts Express.
198. I am not a Red Mage.
199. In relation to [rule 22, regarding boys, yards and milkshakes], I may not teach others to do so.
200. I absolutely may not charge for such teaching.
201. Lap dances are not currency.
202. Must not tell Professor Yukimi to check out poon at toys r' us.
203. I must not major in bitches and hoes.
204. I did not let the dogs out, nor may I ask who did.
205. It's Hufflepuff, not Hufflefucks.
206. I must not question what people use to style their hair with no matter how unrealistic the style is.
207. I am not a survivor of Oceanic Flight 815.
208. I did not sink the Titanic.
209. I am not allowed to ask Lacus Clyne to discuss the pros and cons of ballerina flats ever again.
210. It's okay to say your girlfriend is ugly like a horse as seen reading through old journal entries. Thank you Raimei and Haseo.
211. The same goes for Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy.
212. On the topic of Santa Clause, Professor Slughorn is not "a jolly old elf", nor does he "jiggle like a bowl full of jelly".
213. I am not Batman.