(no subject)
today was good and bad. jess's birthday was fun. i have a new fav desert.
but i dunno. i fought with my rents...as usual. and dad keeps saying he doenst care about anythign. and my mom said shes doesnt really like to love on ppl...she only does stuff like that (ie huggin adn playing w/ hair and stuff) b/c i need it to be happy. not b/c it means anythign ot her. that hurts. its like i want to push her away now, cause i dont want her to feel obligated. but shes right, i do need it.
and then we were passing olive garden in the car and the girls were tlaking about it...and i got all teary. i mena, i thought i was over that. i want it back so badly though. and then we were listening to music that i associate with blake...and i wanted to cry then too. but the last straw was when i messed up on directions and we went to far and becca got frustrated w/ me adn cussed and stuff. and i just let it go adn cried. about everything i'm frustrated about. my weight, money, my rents, boys..., friends (blake mostly), boys i want to be friends with who i hurt, boys i want more from who hurt me, school, auditions, gettin yelled at....and then lydia and jess caught me. and i layed in her lap and sobbed. got makeup all over me. snubbed...the whole deal.
and then i cried again when we watched save the last dance and all that stuff happened w/ her rents.
i dunno. *sigh* i'm glad at least i can cry now and release some of it. why cant shit just go right?
but i dunno. i fought with my rents...as usual. and dad keeps saying he doenst care about anythign. and my mom said shes doesnt really like to love on ppl...she only does stuff like that (ie huggin adn playing w/ hair and stuff) b/c i need it to be happy. not b/c it means anythign ot her. that hurts. its like i want to push her away now, cause i dont want her to feel obligated. but shes right, i do need it.
and then we were passing olive garden in the car and the girls were tlaking about it...and i got all teary. i mena, i thought i was over that. i want it back so badly though. and then we were listening to music that i associate with blake...and i wanted to cry then too. but the last straw was when i messed up on directions and we went to far and becca got frustrated w/ me adn cussed and stuff. and i just let it go adn cried. about everything i'm frustrated about. my weight, money, my rents, boys..., friends (blake mostly), boys i want to be friends with who i hurt, boys i want more from who hurt me, school, auditions, gettin yelled at....and then lydia and jess caught me. and i layed in her lap and sobbed. got makeup all over me. snubbed...the whole deal.
and then i cried again when we watched save the last dance and all that stuff happened w/ her rents.
i dunno. *sigh* i'm glad at least i can cry now and release some of it. why cant shit just go right?