Slowly losing my mind
Want to feel better about your messed up life? Read about mine!!!
The background info: Mark came up on sunday to get the rest of his shit from my house. We ended up talking (of course this was bound to happen) about our failed relationship and our lives since the break up. He wants me to take my time and think about us getting back together. He says he's willing to change how he acted before to stay with me. He even said that he was ring shopping in december and january. He wanted to ask me to marry him at the grand opening of the GC in rockford. He didn't because of how young I was, he didn't think i want to get married, my dad would be pissed off (and how!!) and some other piddley bullshit.
The way things are looking, we are both going to stay single. I really can't tell if you are being sincere or not. When i saw you I didn't get that feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know that fluttery, excited and a little nervous feeling. The one that tells you that you are in love or at least excited about a person. Even when we kissed on the lips, nothing. I've already saved myself. I am no longer invested in anything that happens between us. I don't think i believe that you were being "dense" all that time, I think you were looking for something better, you couldn't find it so you came running back to me. It's pure bullshit mark. I think all this effort is too little too late. I'd rather be alone than question my decisions. If...IF we get back together I don't think it'd last. I don't think i'd be into it. I've gotten past a lot of things and issues, why would I throw myself back into that?
He claims to want to quit GC for me, for screwing up his personal life. He even admitted to putting his career ahead of me. Well I guess the tables are turning now because that's my intention. Its not just putting it in front of him, its putting it in front of any guy! Dan savage would say DTMFA, even tho I've already dumped him. fuck!
Haha just when life was getting back to "normal"!!! oh well, I have plenty to drink at my house and plenty of work to do :) eh, I can't tell how I even feel about his emails. I want to laugh at them. I don't trust his intentions. I think he just wants a family and doesn't care who he has it with. My family will be SO angry if we get back together. Well shit! I have laundry to do, I'll deal with this later!