(no subject)
I really hate this month.
February is a month that always gets me down. And if you have any questions why this is, you obviously haven't been paying attention for the past few years.
I've had a pretty good time of things for the past few months, normally I start dealing with depression in November. Around the time of Thanksgiving I start to feel down and I hit a peak around Christmas/New Years. Then I'm okay for a while, until Valentine's Day.
This year, for reasons that I may allude to later, I've been pretty good about things, I haven't had any major difficulties, I've had good days. I've had bad days, but the good days have outnumbered the bad, which is a major change from how things have been in the past.
Then Monday happened.
Monday a friend of mine posted something ... no that's not it.
Monday the woman I love posted something on Facebook. And I realized something.
I couldn't do anything. She had had nightmares the night before, and I couldn't post anything, I couldn't do anything to make her feel better. I could be there for her.
Why?
Because she's not available.
She's ...
Well let us simply say, for reasons that I don't really want to share with the whole of the internet, that I can't take the woman that I love into my arms when things are tough.
And right now, there is nothing, nothing that I can do about it.
::sigh::
I don't know.
I just don't fucking know.
out
February is a month that always gets me down. And if you have any questions why this is, you obviously haven't been paying attention for the past few years.
I've had a pretty good time of things for the past few months, normally I start dealing with depression in November. Around the time of Thanksgiving I start to feel down and I hit a peak around Christmas/New Years. Then I'm okay for a while, until Valentine's Day.
This year, for reasons that I may allude to later, I've been pretty good about things, I haven't had any major difficulties, I've had good days. I've had bad days, but the good days have outnumbered the bad, which is a major change from how things have been in the past.
Then Monday happened.
Monday a friend of mine posted something ... no that's not it.
Monday the woman I love posted something on Facebook. And I realized something.
I couldn't do anything. She had had nightmares the night before, and I couldn't post anything, I couldn't do anything to make her feel better. I could be there for her.
Why?
Because she's not available.
She's ...
Well let us simply say, for reasons that I don't really want to share with the whole of the internet, that I can't take the woman that I love into my arms when things are tough.
And right now, there is nothing, nothing that I can do about it.
::sigh::
I don't know.
I just don't fucking know.
out