I feel like shit as usual
hello there. i havent written in awhile.
i feel kinda bored with life. i dunno why but if you happen to be in my life dont take this personally. i guess since i am studing psych id understand that adolescents go through this as a usual process.. so im not gonna try to figure myself out.
im thinking of getting a new car. i am bored with mine and well... i want it to be my own. and i want something new. that doesnt mean i want new people if u happen to be someone that thinks they need to be replaced in my life.. you are not. i am seeming very nonchalant about everything lately. work. school. family. friends. life in general. i am tired of trying to figure out why so maybe i think that just laying low with my feelings till they subside or come to some sort of agreement along the way i will just not care to share or talk about them.
i want to move out so bad. the effect of this may mean though that i wont have money to save for college and continue my goals in becoming somebody in the life after high school. i am sick of my "home" as much as i write this statment in my journals i will not stress this subject any longer. period. i want to be independant. i need a college loan, but this interfears with wanting a car loan.
the question is what the hell should i do? but of course in the end this will end up being my choice.
but lets say i get a new car, i move out, and i can go to college full-time. there still seems to be somehitng missing.. oh yeah the boyfriend.
you dont have to read this but i am writing this because i have analyzed our relationship logically and i understand better than anyone where he is coming from but the question is, where will we go? that will all depend again on choices made.
Rob- goes to school part time like me, he has a paid off car, but is in debt. but that is okay he will be free within the next 6 mos. or so (give or take) hes made new friends, and became more mature about his choice of friends and is finally decided to do somehting constructive (go to school) and has a job that pays better and i htink that he actually likes. so is rob better off than me? yes.. to an extent. the problem?
well we are different as different can be. i am a morbid, messed up individual at times but i can be social if i want and i take life seriously(not too seriosuly) but i dont like people too much, i pretent to care, and sometimes carry on to seem sort of human. lol. well ha, and well i want a better job, but i like the job i have. it pays good. close to home. and i work with friends. i dunno there it goes back to being bored since ive been there for 2 1/2 years. ehh anyway. it seems that rob is one of those "i need to get out people" and i get taht he is a saggitarius just as i am. we crave adventure (hence my bordum. but are we bored with each other? we do very much love each other and can see each other pretty much whenever we want to. maybe that is the problem. but if i am away for even 2 days of not seeing him i feel distant and these feelings of "letting go" tend to occur. he feels that we may end up mutually splitting up like we just cant deal with each other. me being nonsocial with strict parents not playing pool, bowling etc. even though ive never done either just dont have the interest to, and the fact that i am just an overall closed person irritates him. He- is obnoxious, somtimes immature, and LOUD. like wtf loud sometimes. like i said we are 2 too different people. how can we handle.. opposites attracting psychologically is incorrect. at first it is interesting but we will GET TIRED of each others behavioral patterns and persona in the lond run. is there anything that can save this relationship? not if u believe that people should change for someone else. so no that wont happen. we either deal. or dump. lol funny way to put that but well not really.
Neither of us understand why we are together. some people say we arent meant to be. but which is it. why would it hurt either of us soo much to unbearable measures if we decided to not be together? it seems simple but this situation is NOT. let alone the fact his paretns love me. mine hate him (passionately i might add). so this is my daily forcast. i am rained on with problems ago and well tomorrow is just another day of puppy appointments and working and homework and drama possibly? lets hope the meteorologist is incorrect.
i dunno what to do but im sure life will figure out what i need to do. or what we need to do. thats the best positive note i can give myself otehr than to not think of it which however may lead to communicational issues.. ::sigh:: isn't life wonderful.
i feel kinda bored with life. i dunno why but if you happen to be in my life dont take this personally. i guess since i am studing psych id understand that adolescents go through this as a usual process.. so im not gonna try to figure myself out.
im thinking of getting a new car. i am bored with mine and well... i want it to be my own. and i want something new. that doesnt mean i want new people if u happen to be someone that thinks they need to be replaced in my life.. you are not. i am seeming very nonchalant about everything lately. work. school. family. friends. life in general. i am tired of trying to figure out why so maybe i think that just laying low with my feelings till they subside or come to some sort of agreement along the way i will just not care to share or talk about them.
i want to move out so bad. the effect of this may mean though that i wont have money to save for college and continue my goals in becoming somebody in the life after high school. i am sick of my "home" as much as i write this statment in my journals i will not stress this subject any longer. period. i want to be independant. i need a college loan, but this interfears with wanting a car loan.
the question is what the hell should i do? but of course in the end this will end up being my choice.
but lets say i get a new car, i move out, and i can go to college full-time. there still seems to be somehitng missing.. oh yeah the boyfriend.
you dont have to read this but i am writing this because i have analyzed our relationship logically and i understand better than anyone where he is coming from but the question is, where will we go? that will all depend again on choices made.
Rob- goes to school part time like me, he has a paid off car, but is in debt. but that is okay he will be free within the next 6 mos. or so (give or take) hes made new friends, and became more mature about his choice of friends and is finally decided to do somehting constructive (go to school) and has a job that pays better and i htink that he actually likes. so is rob better off than me? yes.. to an extent. the problem?
well we are different as different can be. i am a morbid, messed up individual at times but i can be social if i want and i take life seriously(not too seriosuly) but i dont like people too much, i pretent to care, and sometimes carry on to seem sort of human. lol. well ha, and well i want a better job, but i like the job i have. it pays good. close to home. and i work with friends. i dunno there it goes back to being bored since ive been there for 2 1/2 years. ehh anyway. it seems that rob is one of those "i need to get out people" and i get taht he is a saggitarius just as i am. we crave adventure (hence my bordum. but are we bored with each other? we do very much love each other and can see each other pretty much whenever we want to. maybe that is the problem. but if i am away for even 2 days of not seeing him i feel distant and these feelings of "letting go" tend to occur. he feels that we may end up mutually splitting up like we just cant deal with each other. me being nonsocial with strict parents not playing pool, bowling etc. even though ive never done either just dont have the interest to, and the fact that i am just an overall closed person irritates him. He- is obnoxious, somtimes immature, and LOUD. like wtf loud sometimes. like i said we are 2 too different people. how can we handle.. opposites attracting psychologically is incorrect. at first it is interesting but we will GET TIRED of each others behavioral patterns and persona in the lond run. is there anything that can save this relationship? not if u believe that people should change for someone else. so no that wont happen. we either deal. or dump. lol funny way to put that but well not really.
Neither of us understand why we are together. some people say we arent meant to be. but which is it. why would it hurt either of us soo much to unbearable measures if we decided to not be together? it seems simple but this situation is NOT. let alone the fact his paretns love me. mine hate him (passionately i might add). so this is my daily forcast. i am rained on with problems ago and well tomorrow is just another day of puppy appointments and working and homework and drama possibly? lets hope the meteorologist is incorrect.
i dunno what to do but im sure life will figure out what i need to do. or what we need to do. thats the best positive note i can give myself otehr than to not think of it which however may lead to communicational issues.. ::sigh:: isn't life wonderful.