February Memories
Tonight I was emptying things out of my inbox and went back as far as a year ago, rediscovering an email correspondence I had with an internet stranger for about a month back then. I had totally forgotten about this odd moment in time! A flashback with a shudder and a smile - it was February 10 when I initiated it, during a euphoric daily life with Daniel, when we stayed at Tejas' property in Sebastopol and played house well. I was due to leave for the D.R. in March. I was working out at the gym up the street every day and drinking Ace ciders and doing crosswords and having the best time at Barley & Hops. So much was different in those few weeks than the rest of the year. It was that small glimmer of time you enjoy so wholeheartedly you don't see it pass so quickly by. I was feeling curious, one day at work, and restless and bored but full of energy. I decided to peruse the personal sections of craigslist. A source of entertainment for my friends and me back in the college years. I stumbled across a post in the platonic section that seemed to be speaking to me directly. A man who wanted to make an online friend to experiment venting with - no contact other than this, and no real names shared. To ensure privacy and I guess to prove he's not a creep....? Anyway, I reached out to him, as his words sounded legitimate and were such a needle in the haystack when it comes to how men speak on the internet (or in person). So, I reached out for fun, not expecting much, but we seemed to click, at least on some level - the level of anonymous sharing. After 16 back-and-forths he told me his "wife found porn on my computer" and was afraid if she found these emails, she might be suspicious because I am a girl. Therefore, he had to stop emailing me. I said ok, and that was that. Whether it was truth or not, was really none of my business, and I'm still ok with that. Daniel of course never knew about it, though I wanted to share it with him. It was nice having a friendship (or conversation) that no one knew about. Especially living on the river for so long at that point, it was nice to have a secret and it wasn't hurting anything. It didn't teach me anything, it didn't change anything, it just was what it was. And it's not often I have that, maybe? It was a weird moment of my life, is what I guess I'm saying. Weird and unique, fleeting, and good. So, here's a shoutout into the interwebz to that "Bored PenPal" - thanks for being the random moment you were before everything changed that March. Thank you for reminding me of that time I felt so strong, so safe, so relaxed, so me, and so low key. A lot changed right after that... Cheers to the anniversary? Although that month was wonderful, it remains sweeter in memory. It was magic because it could never last - I would never need to relive it. Those bittersweet nostalgic pangs are more than enough to keep me going.
How many things do we do, live, experience, feel, try, know that is forgotten from the memory banks before we die?
How many things do we do, live, experience, feel, try, know that is forgotten from the memory banks before we die?