Turning Thirty: Enjoying while the enjoyment's good
Every time I approve new friends on Facebook, I end up checking out my own profile for about an hour after. Millions of things go through my head, but mostly, "have I talked smack about anyone/anything they might know or care about?" and "is my profile nerdy enough?" Ultimately, I end up going through all the photos I've posted through the years, starting with profile photos and ending in mobile uploads.
Then, as unto a high school reunion, I flip through it looking at the old times, the good things and the things I was over-thinking at the time. I see the people I knew at one point, the people I keep in touch with and the people who (for whatever reason) have moved on without me and I without them.
Just over two years ago on Friday I was lamenting my second-to-last nadir of my political career. It was the June primary in Nevada and my candidate had been ahead in the first week of early voting but it wasn't until Election Day around 4 p.m. that I knew we were in trouble. I had gone to all the precinct polling locations in the district to check all the names of people who had voted and a good chunk of them were people we hadn't even canvassed, phone called or seen on the voter lists. By 9 p.m. I was bawling behind a restaurant as the friends and well-wishers were going home, it seemed like the end of the world. And then, I came home to South Dakota and learned what serious defeat was all about.
But, I survived.
I found a job that has really challenged me professionally and personally. I've managed to use all the things I've learned from my victories and my defeats and I've learned how to live a fairly balanced life. I don't stay late at the office, I take joy in my cooking and I'm starting to enjoy my own company and not getting hammered every weekend has opened up a whole world of productivity.
But I still get a niggling sense of a missing piece that's floating out there, somewhere. I guess you could say I'm missing having friends or at least, someone else's point of view or just someone to relate to. I'm too nerdy for my old friends and too stodgy for my family. But, I'm still very glad for the things in my life that I do have; instead of getting what I want, trite as it is, I want what I've got.
It's a very strange thing, maybe because I'll be 30 in 13 days, but I've become more circumspect and grateful for the things I've lived through. I've survived a great many things and I've even started to thrive. There's the odd touch of nostalgia or shame when I think of the past, but it's generally countered with the reality that if I've done any real harm, I'm no longer in any position to do it again.
In general, I think June has been and will be a good month for me, a time for me to examine what I've done and what I have left to do and to go about the work of making it happen. One of which is, watching fantastic movies. I saw this in my Netflix recommendations, I watched it, was amazed and recommend it to you. Enjoy!
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