(no subject)
its all got me wondering if people do change?
i looked up the definition and it said to make the form, nature, content, future course of something different from would it would be if left alone..
i can think of two other people, other than myself that are currently attempting this change, and neither are succeeding. they make progress, but they always end up going back. i always end up going back too.
i keep analyzing myself and keeping thinking about how i always go back. but why? what keeps me going back? is it because its what i felt comfortable in and changing would jeapordize my feeling comfortable? i think so. i think its because changing would require finding a new comfort. i new place.
lets see if i can do some psychology on myself..
so i have a lot of stuff i want to change about myself. but i'll choose smoking. i smoke because it gives me something to do. those moments in time im smoking, i dont have to answer to anyone.. because i have something to do. people watch other people smoke, you don't have to talk when you smoke.. and when i get jittery from sitting too long (which i do all the time ) i feel like i have to do something, and i have my handy friend cigarettes to fill the void..
so i need something to replace it. preferably with something positive.. but what? from now on, when i feel the urge to smoke, i will drink some water. that's something to do.. its healthy, and i dont have to say anything when i drink a few sips of water. and when i need to get up, i will get up and stretch and drink a few sips of water. OH i just thought of something. I will eat some gummy candy. I need to go buy some gummy bears so have on hand at all times. just pop a few of those bad boys in when i need to smoke. i tried butterscotch once, that didn't work. oh i love gummy bears..
this is so gay.
tomorrow i am going to take some of my dads kilonopan.. idk if thats how you spell it. im just doing this as an experiment. when im on it.. im going to write down everything i need to do to better myself (kaylees advice ) as a single person. after reading the book, i realized i associate myself with other people far too much. i find myself in other people and that's not safe cause.. well mainly people die. also they move away : [ which is my case. so when i take the stress reliever.. i will get in my mindset of no ego. im going to separate myself from the thought of other people and look at myself as much as i can. im really excited.
this is also gay
YOUR MOM IS GAY. I say gay way too much.
im an ex-gay. bahahah.. what is that shit? i was never gay in the first place... i just think making out with girls is fun! is that not normal? sheesh. i wish more people read my journal so i could take a survey of straight girls.. is it not fun kissing girls? i mean katy perry gets it! .. dating, not cool. you aint SUPPOSED to date chicas man.. you have a hole, because it deserves a penis. not some rubber or plastic... hello..
KEY.. HOLE.. it fits.
fuck you people
i shouldn't take so much benadryl before bed : }
i looked up the definition and it said to make the form, nature, content, future course of something different from would it would be if left alone..
i can think of two other people, other than myself that are currently attempting this change, and neither are succeeding. they make progress, but they always end up going back. i always end up going back too.
i keep analyzing myself and keeping thinking about how i always go back. but why? what keeps me going back? is it because its what i felt comfortable in and changing would jeapordize my feeling comfortable? i think so. i think its because changing would require finding a new comfort. i new place.
lets see if i can do some psychology on myself..
so i have a lot of stuff i want to change about myself. but i'll choose smoking. i smoke because it gives me something to do. those moments in time im smoking, i dont have to answer to anyone.. because i have something to do. people watch other people smoke, you don't have to talk when you smoke.. and when i get jittery from sitting too long (which i do all the time ) i feel like i have to do something, and i have my handy friend cigarettes to fill the void..
so i need something to replace it. preferably with something positive.. but what? from now on, when i feel the urge to smoke, i will drink some water. that's something to do.. its healthy, and i dont have to say anything when i drink a few sips of water. and when i need to get up, i will get up and stretch and drink a few sips of water. OH i just thought of something. I will eat some gummy candy. I need to go buy some gummy bears so have on hand at all times. just pop a few of those bad boys in when i need to smoke. i tried butterscotch once, that didn't work. oh i love gummy bears..
this is so gay.
tomorrow i am going to take some of my dads kilonopan.. idk if thats how you spell it. im just doing this as an experiment. when im on it.. im going to write down everything i need to do to better myself (kaylees advice ) as a single person. after reading the book, i realized i associate myself with other people far too much. i find myself in other people and that's not safe cause.. well mainly people die. also they move away : [ which is my case. so when i take the stress reliever.. i will get in my mindset of no ego. im going to separate myself from the thought of other people and look at myself as much as i can. im really excited.
this is also gay
YOUR MOM IS GAY. I say gay way too much.
im an ex-gay. bahahah.. what is that shit? i was never gay in the first place... i just think making out with girls is fun! is that not normal? sheesh. i wish more people read my journal so i could take a survey of straight girls.. is it not fun kissing girls? i mean katy perry gets it! .. dating, not cool. you aint SUPPOSED to date chicas man.. you have a hole, because it deserves a penis. not some rubber or plastic... hello..
KEY.. HOLE.. it fits.
fuck you people
i shouldn't take so much benadryl before bed : }