conversations with an attention whore
"Hello?"
"Hey peanut, what's up?"
"Did you just call me peanut?"
"It's better than bitch or whore."
"What's your point? you don't call me either of those."
"Yes, but if I were ganster, I would."
"Therefore....?"
"Therefore, I'm being ganster in my own way, I just don't need to use profane language or a gun to do it."
"So I'm peanut now?"
"It's a sign of affection, peanut. what are you doing this afternoon?"
"Homework."
"What kind of homework?"
"I have to finish my stupid media arts project, which I just realised isn't even due until wednesday, and read my book for english."
"Then I think you should come over and I will help you finish your book for english. What are you reading?"
"The Picture Of Dorian Gray. It's the best book I've ever ever ever ever read."
"But you're young, and there's so many books out there..."
"And you're an attention whore, who also happens to think the world is his stage. What's the difference?"
"The world is my stage. That's the difference."
"Ohhh, now everything makes sense once again."
"Right, so you'll come over and I'll read you your book."
"I can't, I got in alot of shit with my parents, and I missed my friend's volleyball tournament, and she's gonna kill me and it's all your fault."
"Are your parents home?"
"No, they went out."
"Then how will they know if you come over?"
"Because they'll just know."
"You're no fun. Bryan and Anna are here, which means we're only missing you. Don't deny us our fun."
"I am fun, just not when my parents are being all anal on me. And yall will have more fun without me."
"But everyone's bored! We need our fourth, or else it's all unbalanced. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? And Bryan's threatening to put on Abba's Greatest Hits and dance to it. My innocent eyes would never recover."
"Then you'll just be a hot blind pirate with two eyepatches."
"You're an impossible friend."
"You're an impractical one."
"You have no sense of spontaneity."
"You have no sense of guilt. Which you really need."
"What I need is a fourth person for strip poker."
"Can't you find someone else? I'm not in the mood to play strip today."
"Then we'll play normal poker."
"How about you poke yourself off the phone and let me do my homework."
"God, you sound like a nun or something. You should be a nun peanut. I have this unnatural attraction to nuns ever since I saw Sound Of Music."
"How terribly disturbing. One, I don't believe in God and two, nuns are supposed to be chaste beings my friend. The whole 'bride of God' thing kinda comes into play."
"Yes, well then why did Julie Andrews get married if she was a nun?"
"Cause it was a movie."
"Hollywood has marred my dreams. Hey, so I need a valentine, want to be mine?"
"How cheesy was that? Come on now Ernie, you can do better than me. Ask Anna."
"Bryan has already claimed her. I feel lonely."
"Isn't Bryan gay? Shouldn't he have a male valentine?"
"Guess so, but they're just friends right? I'll take you out to dinner and buy you chocolates and get you some snuff and my parents probably won't be home so then you could come over and we could..."
"Read my book for english?"
"I was going to say recreate last wednesday, but we could do that too."
"I can't do that anymore, I'm pretty sure my mom found out."
"Ohhh shit."
"Yeah, exactly."
"But still, I want a valentine."
"Honestly, valentine's day is stupid. It's purely commercial."
"I am shocked and appaled at what small belief you have in thy holy day of loveth."
"Don't try it."
"I'm coming to get you right now. This is terrible. We are going to make you love valentine's day this afternoon. It's our new mission whether you like it or not. I'll be there in five minutes."
"Hey peanut, what's up?"
"Did you just call me peanut?"
"It's better than bitch or whore."
"What's your point? you don't call me either of those."
"Yes, but if I were ganster, I would."
"Therefore....?"
"Therefore, I'm being ganster in my own way, I just don't need to use profane language or a gun to do it."
"So I'm peanut now?"
"It's a sign of affection, peanut. what are you doing this afternoon?"
"Homework."
"What kind of homework?"
"I have to finish my stupid media arts project, which I just realised isn't even due until wednesday, and read my book for english."
"Then I think you should come over and I will help you finish your book for english. What are you reading?"
"The Picture Of Dorian Gray. It's the best book I've ever ever ever ever read."
"But you're young, and there's so many books out there..."
"And you're an attention whore, who also happens to think the world is his stage. What's the difference?"
"The world is my stage. That's the difference."
"Ohhh, now everything makes sense once again."
"Right, so you'll come over and I'll read you your book."
"I can't, I got in alot of shit with my parents, and I missed my friend's volleyball tournament, and she's gonna kill me and it's all your fault."
"Are your parents home?"
"No, they went out."
"Then how will they know if you come over?"
"Because they'll just know."
"You're no fun. Bryan and Anna are here, which means we're only missing you. Don't deny us our fun."
"I am fun, just not when my parents are being all anal on me. And yall will have more fun without me."
"But everyone's bored! We need our fourth, or else it's all unbalanced. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? And Bryan's threatening to put on Abba's Greatest Hits and dance to it. My innocent eyes would never recover."
"Then you'll just be a hot blind pirate with two eyepatches."
"You're an impossible friend."
"You're an impractical one."
"You have no sense of spontaneity."
"You have no sense of guilt. Which you really need."
"What I need is a fourth person for strip poker."
"Can't you find someone else? I'm not in the mood to play strip today."
"Then we'll play normal poker."
"How about you poke yourself off the phone and let me do my homework."
"God, you sound like a nun or something. You should be a nun peanut. I have this unnatural attraction to nuns ever since I saw Sound Of Music."
"How terribly disturbing. One, I don't believe in God and two, nuns are supposed to be chaste beings my friend. The whole 'bride of God' thing kinda comes into play."
"Yes, well then why did Julie Andrews get married if she was a nun?"
"Cause it was a movie."
"Hollywood has marred my dreams. Hey, so I need a valentine, want to be mine?"
"How cheesy was that? Come on now Ernie, you can do better than me. Ask Anna."
"Bryan has already claimed her. I feel lonely."
"Isn't Bryan gay? Shouldn't he have a male valentine?"
"Guess so, but they're just friends right? I'll take you out to dinner and buy you chocolates and get you some snuff and my parents probably won't be home so then you could come over and we could..."
"Read my book for english?"
"I was going to say recreate last wednesday, but we could do that too."
"I can't do that anymore, I'm pretty sure my mom found out."
"Ohhh shit."
"Yeah, exactly."
"But still, I want a valentine."
"Honestly, valentine's day is stupid. It's purely commercial."
"I am shocked and appaled at what small belief you have in thy holy day of loveth."
"Don't try it."
"I'm coming to get you right now. This is terrible. We are going to make you love valentine's day this afternoon. It's our new mission whether you like it or not. I'll be there in five minutes."