(Untitled)
The construction workers on the scaffolding outside my window (the 15th floor) are very nice. My apartment is small and the bathroom is something out of 2001. It is made entirely of 1 piece of plastic (even the toilet). Like a port o potty with a shower sort of. A small stove and a small fridge and no oven and lots of random pieces of cookware
( Read more... )
We discussed it beforehand, and that's the impression I got and that you left alone. I paid 80 euro for food I didn't eat - after we bought pot, once at Rewe, and paid for most of my own food. Add that to the three grand that I wasted on the trip entirely, the $500 I spent to give you guys space and get out of your hair when I understood that our differences were too great at this point, where I decided to do what I actually wanted to do - listen to music and not start any conversation and keep to myself - and then I'm childish for trying to avoid conflict long enough to get out of a mistake.
I never did do anything - now did I? Despite Casey being a twat, I never even threatened him at the time. I'm sorry that, in a moment of panic, when I realized I couldn't actually afford to get a different place to stay but had to anyway, and a person I thought was my friend of for the last few years was telling me to die in a fire, with another that despite talking shit about him constantly would never dare stand up for me against him, I suggested I should kick his ass for being disrespectful. I left it alone, and I left you all alone, because that's obviously what you wanted.
But please - continue, continue telling me about things I never could possibly understand, because just like you I really have no idea what life is like for the other person. That's fine. But I do pay my debts, that's something you understand when you have money. You learn a different kind of abject responsibility towards it - about philanthropy, about paying meals throughout high school for friends, about using that kind of money for the good of people that have none, who can't get scholarships. About being ostracized and criticized for being born into a lucky situation. About people taking advantage of it, borrowing money that they think just comes out of thin air and never paying it back.
Am I really to be so villainized for having parents and grandparents that planned well? To have family that cared enough to set things up ahead of time, the same family that donates millions to good causes? I am such a piece of shit, I'm sorry for not responding to any of the nonexistent notices you made to tell me I actually owed any money. Damn me and not understanding common courtesy for someone that used to be a friend. That is how problems are solved.
It's funny - I couldn't pay for food when I got back. I couldn't pay for anything. I had to borrow money, too, and I had to sell things, all that fun stuff that I know nothing about, of course. But, man, I am such a cretin, how dare I! Too bad I do nothing of value for anyone, anything, and merely just try to live life day by day like anyone else, but in different way.
And I'm sorry that my dreams - whatever they are - are just so less important than yours, I can't go out of my way and take loans out and run away to another country to study what I want to. What a waste of a person. I'd get a therapist to find out what's wrong with me but sadly it's too expensive since I don't have health insurance.
At least I'm glad that I don't smoke enough pot to worry about spending my money on it. At least I had enough money to buy liquor for underage kids who never paid me back.
But, oh, I'm sorry. Let me just write checks, because it's really all I'm good for. You find that out when everyone expects you to pay for things, just because you're lucky enough to not have to work for something you can't actually live off of. I'm glad at least that it finally comes out. Now if only you could admit you've never gotten over Casey.
Give me an address and I'll send back the power converter. Thank your brother for letting me borrow it so I could still call home when I was manic depressive and alone in a hotel room in Budapest for five days just to save some people some trouble dealing with me finally relaxing and being myself which like usual got construed completely otherwise. Hope Germany suits you better than here, maybe you can pretend to know your new friends too.
Goodbye.
Reply
We found out we don't get along in close quarters
leading to you becoming "manic depressive" in a hotel room, you doubting the worth of relatively constructive relationships over the past however many years, and the ever-recurring self-doubt you seem to have causing you to lash out at ME. How could you ever think I would want to screw you over? What precedence exists for this?
Therapists are not expensive. I guarantee you Pima has one that is either free or very low cost to students. That's what I had to do. Also, I think you would feel a lot better/less guilty about your situation if you maybe tried volunteering yourself, or getting a job that has benefits such as health insurance, or maybe taking a full course load so you can occupy yourself.
I don't care what you say about me, you can hate all you want, I have no remorse for what I'm doing because I am living my dream and I sleep knowing what I do is RIGHT. But just answer me one question: why didn't you have fun in Europe?
Reply
Kyle Christmon
10133 E. Sky Castle Way
Tucson, AZ 85730
Here is the website for counseling at Pima:
http://www.pima.edu/advising/counselingservices.shtml
They are available for walk-ins and appointments to all students.
Volunteer Center of Southern Arizona. They helped me out between middle school/high school when I volunteered at the library doing summer reading programs for kids.
http://www.volunteersoaz.org/
I guess you could also try getting a job or asking your family what they do to help out, but establishing purpose (and seeing results!) in your life will be a big step towards fighting your depression.
Reply
Leave a comment