i think this post contradicts itself

[ophthalmophobic]

i've been telling people since around Easter that I decided I'm going to Haverford, and yet I haven't really admitted it to myself. people (family, family friends, teachers, etc) kept asking and it was way easier to just say i was decided. and then I started talking to various Haverford people and they were asking, so I started telling them that I was decided, too. so I really don't know why it still makes me uneasy to accept that I'm definitely going there. we went to the financial aid office today and i wouldn't let my mom hand in my papers. i have an extension on my reply date and just did a bunch of work sending stuff to tufts, swat, and hopkins to try to get in off their waiting lists. but subconciously i think i know i'll end up at haverford, so i guess my subconcious took over and announced it to everyone else before it announced it to me.
a lot of people have asked what it is i like about haverford, what i wanna study there, what i'm excited about, what i plan to get involved in.. i have no idea. i honestly know next to nothing about the school itself. i know the fencing coach is great and i know justin is there and his friends are nice and the other people i've experienced have seemed cool. and maybe i'm just lazy but, thats enough for me. i'll figure out the rest when i get there.

so then i guess i should admit it to myself and let it be official. (especially since i just spent $90 in the bookstore on haverford paraphernalia).

Haverford College, class of 2010.

still feels weird.