It's been a long time....
...since I have journaled, and I think that is perhaps part of my problem. I write here because everything I write in the other one keeps posting to facebook, and I haven't yet figured out how to make it stop.
How can you be with a man for almost 4 years.....know him inside and out, love him, make plans for marriage, only to one day wake up and find out he has gotten engaged to another? I trusted him...I still do, with everything that matters....and he says he misses me, and wants me, but has promised himself to another, though he was already promised to me.
The pain, is indescribable. I overdosed and didn't wake up for 4 days. I cut and ended up in the hospital, and now I spend my days in my room at a group home, because on my one visit home, I cut myself yet again.
I am sad, angry, frustrated, and fearful. Is this my life?? To always be betrayed by those i trust, to spend my days in group homes because I am a danger to myself, to wonder if my life will ever be more than what it is?
And through it all, I just want him back. He was my best friend.
I read the bible every morning and every night. I pray fopr strength, and it does come...just enough to get me by. I know I must endure this pain until it runs it's course..........much like losing someone in death.
This hurts. This is hell.
How can you be with a man for almost 4 years.....know him inside and out, love him, make plans for marriage, only to one day wake up and find out he has gotten engaged to another? I trusted him...I still do, with everything that matters....and he says he misses me, and wants me, but has promised himself to another, though he was already promised to me.
The pain, is indescribable. I overdosed and didn't wake up for 4 days. I cut and ended up in the hospital, and now I spend my days in my room at a group home, because on my one visit home, I cut myself yet again.
I am sad, angry, frustrated, and fearful. Is this my life?? To always be betrayed by those i trust, to spend my days in group homes because I am a danger to myself, to wonder if my life will ever be more than what it is?
And through it all, I just want him back. He was my best friend.
I read the bible every morning and every night. I pray fopr strength, and it does come...just enough to get me by. I know I must endure this pain until it runs it's course..........much like losing someone in death.
This hurts. This is hell.