SEX. Got your attention? This post's about... well, sex, actually.
Let me get this perfectly clear:
There are some women I know for a fact that I am completely and totally sexually attracted to. Sometimes I see them on BART or on the bus. Sometimes they're in a class I'm taking, sometimes they're an actress or musician I like, sometimes they're just really hot girl walking down the street and I have to scold myself to keep from staring. I have a problem with that.
Many women, in fact, hold some level appeal to me. It's a normal thing for someone who is attracted to women to be attracted on many different - low or high - levels to many different women. Not all, granted, are appealing to me. There are even many who I think are incredibly pretty, sexy, anything, but who I just wouldn't want to be with.
I am also attracted to men. Granted, I don't really have the staring problem, as I've had enough years of acknowledging my attraction to males to get in some good "don't stare" practice. Besides, when you occasionally get guys propositioning you on the street, it's hard to take the male sex too seriously about the subject (sorry, guys).
I thought I made it pretty clear to most, if not all, that I like guys and girls. Bisexual, half-fag, pansexual, whatever you wanna call it. I particularly like the half-fag thing, just because it holds enough epithet-embracing defensiveness to insinuate that I think they're being homophobic, which will usually put THEM on the defensive, and get them off my case. See what I did there? Huh? Huh? Ooooooh yeah.
....plus it sounds silly. Always a plus.
I let both my parents know about this last year. I told my mom that I had a crush on a girl (God, she was adorable) two years ago while we were driving. She didn't crash the car, first off. Second, she was cool with it. I told my dad quite some time later at Eric's chinese restaurant (great food), and he was also exceptionally cool about it. By the middle of last year pretty much everyone who knew me reasonably well knew about this. Zach had even begun debating with me, insisting that I was "three-quarters-lesbian" for God knows what reason. Prolly cause I'm no good at flirting.
So imagine my surprise when someone I know reasonably well, if not on a close-friend level, goes on facebook and asks me why my intrests are listed as both men AND women.
I, personally, thought the question answered itself. I mean, what ELSE would be the reason for putting that? I have to guess she thought I'd done it by accident or something. Why else would she have asked?
Surprised though I was, I was also pretty damn amused. Considering my openness with the subject of just how hot I think both Amber Benson and Rihanna are, I figured it would be old news. Not that I am, in any way shape or form, a source of news and gossip. Still, it was kinda funny.
What was a little less funny and a little more awkward was realizing later that my dad assumed I was going through a phase.
Okay, I can't blame him. I haven't done the whole teenage-rebellion thing, so of course I must be looking for some way to do it, right? Temporary bisexuality certainly fits the bill. And I still think that whole "Bisexual Until Graduation" (known in prison as "Lesbian Until Release Date", which I think is funnier) is just hilarious. There's no problem with experimentation. Buffy did it. And we all know that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my Bible. And yet, I somehow don't think that experimentation is quite the thing I'm dealing with here. Especially as there hasn't been much by way of hands-on practice. See, in experimentation, you try, consider, and discard the idea. Whereas I can't seem to get away from the goddamn idea. I can't help it: girls are too damn pretty!!!
Continuing. My dad thought it was... ya know. A phase. I think he trusts me now when I say it's not, especially considering his slightly awkward behavior and his saying that he's just gonna "need to get used to it." I laughed out loud when he said he'd had suspicions about me and Amanda. XD
I was doubly awkward, though. i started bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet and practically dancing, trying to delve into different subjects, like how much I miss mock trial and how awesome it was being a slightly-patronizing-but-not-too-much expert witness last year. I also went on and on about my classes, which are awesome, my acting teacher, who is pretentious but nice, and my psych and history teachers, who are both really cool and goofy. We had a nice conversation about all this stuff... and I still feel insanely, intensely awkward. I understand, sort of. He grew up in a time where this was pretty much not okay. Hell, grandma told both me and dad that I shouldn't go to Smith because "it's full of lesbians". And our whole family is pretty fucking liberal about social policies!
I guess it's like Guess Who's Coming To Dinner. It's one thing when the minorities aren't in your house: you know racism/sexism/homophobia is wrong and everyone should be equal. But when some black dude decides he's gonna marry your daughter, you say "no fucking way." It sucks, but it's a white, middle-class liberal fact of life. It just sort of feels like shit.
Help me, Obi-Wan-Livejournal. You're my only hope.
....too geeky? Sorry; I know. I crossed a line.
Ta.
-Tam
There are some women I know for a fact that I am completely and totally sexually attracted to. Sometimes I see them on BART or on the bus. Sometimes they're in a class I'm taking, sometimes they're an actress or musician I like, sometimes they're just really hot girl walking down the street and I have to scold myself to keep from staring. I have a problem with that.
Many women, in fact, hold some level appeal to me. It's a normal thing for someone who is attracted to women to be attracted on many different - low or high - levels to many different women. Not all, granted, are appealing to me. There are even many who I think are incredibly pretty, sexy, anything, but who I just wouldn't want to be with.
I am also attracted to men. Granted, I don't really have the staring problem, as I've had enough years of acknowledging my attraction to males to get in some good "don't stare" practice. Besides, when you occasionally get guys propositioning you on the street, it's hard to take the male sex too seriously about the subject (sorry, guys).
I thought I made it pretty clear to most, if not all, that I like guys and girls. Bisexual, half-fag, pansexual, whatever you wanna call it. I particularly like the half-fag thing, just because it holds enough epithet-embracing defensiveness to insinuate that I think they're being homophobic, which will usually put THEM on the defensive, and get them off my case. See what I did there? Huh? Huh? Ooooooh yeah.
....plus it sounds silly. Always a plus.
I let both my parents know about this last year. I told my mom that I had a crush on a girl (God, she was adorable) two years ago while we were driving. She didn't crash the car, first off. Second, she was cool with it. I told my dad quite some time later at Eric's chinese restaurant (great food), and he was also exceptionally cool about it. By the middle of last year pretty much everyone who knew me reasonably well knew about this. Zach had even begun debating with me, insisting that I was "three-quarters-lesbian" for God knows what reason. Prolly cause I'm no good at flirting.
So imagine my surprise when someone I know reasonably well, if not on a close-friend level, goes on facebook and asks me why my intrests are listed as both men AND women.
I, personally, thought the question answered itself. I mean, what ELSE would be the reason for putting that? I have to guess she thought I'd done it by accident or something. Why else would she have asked?
Surprised though I was, I was also pretty damn amused. Considering my openness with the subject of just how hot I think both Amber Benson and Rihanna are, I figured it would be old news. Not that I am, in any way shape or form, a source of news and gossip. Still, it was kinda funny.
What was a little less funny and a little more awkward was realizing later that my dad assumed I was going through a phase.
Okay, I can't blame him. I haven't done the whole teenage-rebellion thing, so of course I must be looking for some way to do it, right? Temporary bisexuality certainly fits the bill. And I still think that whole "Bisexual Until Graduation" (known in prison as "Lesbian Until Release Date", which I think is funnier) is just hilarious. There's no problem with experimentation. Buffy did it. And we all know that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my Bible. And yet, I somehow don't think that experimentation is quite the thing I'm dealing with here. Especially as there hasn't been much by way of hands-on practice. See, in experimentation, you try, consider, and discard the idea. Whereas I can't seem to get away from the goddamn idea. I can't help it: girls are too damn pretty!!!
Continuing. My dad thought it was... ya know. A phase. I think he trusts me now when I say it's not, especially considering his slightly awkward behavior and his saying that he's just gonna "need to get used to it." I laughed out loud when he said he'd had suspicions about me and Amanda. XD
I was doubly awkward, though. i started bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet and practically dancing, trying to delve into different subjects, like how much I miss mock trial and how awesome it was being a slightly-patronizing-but-not-too-much expert witness last year. I also went on and on about my classes, which are awesome, my acting teacher, who is pretentious but nice, and my psych and history teachers, who are both really cool and goofy. We had a nice conversation about all this stuff... and I still feel insanely, intensely awkward. I understand, sort of. He grew up in a time where this was pretty much not okay. Hell, grandma told both me and dad that I shouldn't go to Smith because "it's full of lesbians". And our whole family is pretty fucking liberal about social policies!
I guess it's like Guess Who's Coming To Dinner. It's one thing when the minorities aren't in your house: you know racism/sexism/homophobia is wrong and everyone should be equal. But when some black dude decides he's gonna marry your daughter, you say "no fucking way." It sucks, but it's a white, middle-class liberal fact of life. It just sort of feels like shit.
Help me, Obi-Wan-Livejournal. You're my only hope.
....too geeky? Sorry; I know. I crossed a line.
Ta.
-Tam