NO CLOCK, or the bullshit stupidass sleepstudy from hell, or the worm turns
So we're having a blizzard. I go to the stupid thing anyway. They call me sir and stick me in a room and give me a tv remote that doesn't work, and then go away for some indeterminate period of time. At first I'm glad to see there's a fan. No clock, though. They come back and tell me my "real" tech is late. Eventually she shows up and writes on my head, covers me in glue, and sticks electrodes everywhere. I notice she repeats herself a lot. One of the things she says is that she can't tell me what time it is, ever.
She gives me more covers even after I tell her it's too hot, and that should have been my first clue that no one was going to listen to me the rest of the night.
I fell asleep the first time fairly easily, but then snowplows woke me up and it took a while to fall back asleep. No idea how long because NO CLOCK. Then she came back to tell me ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED, I'd reached some unknown number of episodes and would now have a cpap machine installed on my head. She proceeded to pull my hair and install a mask over my fucking EYE. The thing was too tight, and the pressure on my sinuses was comparable to a moderate-to-severe sinus headache or migraine. The air inside the mask was even hotter than the already hot room, and stale. Nothing like continually breathing your own used air. Then, for no apparent reason, my nasal passages slammed shut and I couldn't breathe so swell anymore, so I called her back in and said I couldn't breathe, to which her reply was that if I didn't finish the study the doctor would make me come back and do it later so I should just go to sleep.
Hello bitch, I can't BREATHE, and there is a mask on my EYE. Remember the big thing online a couple months ago educating cops and others about how when someone says they can't breathe you should listen?! It's not like I was vague, either. I specifically said, "IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE HAS THEIR HAND OVER MY FACE TRYING TO SMOTHER ME."
She accused me of having come in with a cold--I do not have a cold, or anything at all--and eventually she brought me some saline nasal spray. Which did squat. Sitting up helped a little. Getting the mask off my EYE helped a little. I tried to go back to sleep. Forever later, I did. No idea when, of course, because NO CLOCK.
At some point the pressure on the machine went up again and my lips were actually literally blown apart like a floppy dog with its head out a car window.
I am not making this crap up, either. I was exhausted though, and hey at least hot stale air was no longer an issue, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. No idea when because NO CLOCK.
The pressure went up again, and it stole my breath. When we were kids and rode in the back seat of Pa's Corvair and he had the windows down, the air would whip in and steal our breath, and this setting felt just like that. I told her again, for the fourth or fifth time, that I couldn't breathe. She said she would turn down the pressure, but if I didn't continue the doctor would make me come back.
That line of bullshit was beginning to piss me off. SHE might work for him, but HE works for ME.
She turned the machine on again. It was not turned down. Immediately I started gasping and flailing and trying to take the mask off. She starts HOLDING THE MASK DOWN. It was like she was doing CPR on my FACE. Holding the mask down with one hand and trying to tighten it with the other. And then she starts in about how she needs me to stay longer to finish the test or I might have to come back.
I CAN'T BREATHE.
She needs me to stay longer...and I can no longer think why I'm not going to. So I say I have school.
Do you teach? What time does it start?
I can't think. She seems to expect me to justify my need to leave. Like I can't breathe is not reason enough to get the fuck out of, and off of, my face. I'm gasping for air and trying to take the mask off. She's pushing it to hold it on my face.
I start yelling GET IT OFF GET IT OFF I'M DONE I WANT TO GO HOME GET IT OFF.
She prattles on with this bullshit about how the doctor is going to make me come back, and she really needs me to stay longer. I think she has a script or something, like a telemarketer, because she keeps saying the same thing the same way. But with a tone. You probably know the tone. That tone oblivious nimrods use to dismiss the feelings and needs of others. Like I am crazy because feeling like I am smothing is a ridiculous little issue that I could just power through if I were not such a princess with a pea.
WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT GET THIS SHIT OFF ME I AM GOING HOME I AM DONE.
She goes away, and is gone a long time. No idea how long because NO CLOCK. Then I remember my phone, so I get it out and turn it on. It says 6:50 a.m. When she comes back she tells me I have to fill out paper work and the doctor is going to make me come back.
WELL HE MIGHT JUST HAVE TO GET OVER HIMSELF. THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY AND I AM NOT COMING BACK.
There was a little more, but basically I got dressed and left. F**K that crap.
F**K F**K F**K F***ETY F**K.
She gives me more covers even after I tell her it's too hot, and that should have been my first clue that no one was going to listen to me the rest of the night.
I fell asleep the first time fairly easily, but then snowplows woke me up and it took a while to fall back asleep. No idea how long because NO CLOCK. Then she came back to tell me ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED, I'd reached some unknown number of episodes and would now have a cpap machine installed on my head. She proceeded to pull my hair and install a mask over my fucking EYE. The thing was too tight, and the pressure on my sinuses was comparable to a moderate-to-severe sinus headache or migraine. The air inside the mask was even hotter than the already hot room, and stale. Nothing like continually breathing your own used air. Then, for no apparent reason, my nasal passages slammed shut and I couldn't breathe so swell anymore, so I called her back in and said I couldn't breathe, to which her reply was that if I didn't finish the study the doctor would make me come back and do it later so I should just go to sleep.
Hello bitch, I can't BREATHE, and there is a mask on my EYE. Remember the big thing online a couple months ago educating cops and others about how when someone says they can't breathe you should listen?! It's not like I was vague, either. I specifically said, "IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE HAS THEIR HAND OVER MY FACE TRYING TO SMOTHER ME."
She accused me of having come in with a cold--I do not have a cold, or anything at all--and eventually she brought me some saline nasal spray. Which did squat. Sitting up helped a little. Getting the mask off my EYE helped a little. I tried to go back to sleep. Forever later, I did. No idea when, of course, because NO CLOCK.
At some point the pressure on the machine went up again and my lips were actually literally blown apart like a floppy dog with its head out a car window.
I am not making this crap up, either. I was exhausted though, and hey at least hot stale air was no longer an issue, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. No idea when because NO CLOCK.
The pressure went up again, and it stole my breath. When we were kids and rode in the back seat of Pa's Corvair and he had the windows down, the air would whip in and steal our breath, and this setting felt just like that. I told her again, for the fourth or fifth time, that I couldn't breathe. She said she would turn down the pressure, but if I didn't continue the doctor would make me come back.
That line of bullshit was beginning to piss me off. SHE might work for him, but HE works for ME.
She turned the machine on again. It was not turned down. Immediately I started gasping and flailing and trying to take the mask off. She starts HOLDING THE MASK DOWN. It was like she was doing CPR on my FACE. Holding the mask down with one hand and trying to tighten it with the other. And then she starts in about how she needs me to stay longer to finish the test or I might have to come back.
I CAN'T BREATHE.
She needs me to stay longer...and I can no longer think why I'm not going to. So I say I have school.
Do you teach? What time does it start?
I can't think. She seems to expect me to justify my need to leave. Like I can't breathe is not reason enough to get the fuck out of, and off of, my face. I'm gasping for air and trying to take the mask off. She's pushing it to hold it on my face.
I start yelling GET IT OFF GET IT OFF I'M DONE I WANT TO GO HOME GET IT OFF.
She prattles on with this bullshit about how the doctor is going to make me come back, and she really needs me to stay longer. I think she has a script or something, like a telemarketer, because she keeps saying the same thing the same way. But with a tone. You probably know the tone. That tone oblivious nimrods use to dismiss the feelings and needs of others. Like I am crazy because feeling like I am smothing is a ridiculous little issue that I could just power through if I were not such a princess with a pea.
WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT GET THIS SHIT OFF ME I AM GOING HOME I AM DONE.
She goes away, and is gone a long time. No idea how long because NO CLOCK. Then I remember my phone, so I get it out and turn it on. It says 6:50 a.m. When she comes back she tells me I have to fill out paper work and the doctor is going to make me come back.
WELL HE MIGHT JUST HAVE TO GET OVER HIMSELF. THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY AND I AM NOT COMING BACK.
There was a little more, but basically I got dressed and left. F**K that crap.
F**K F**K F**K F***ETY F**K.