"I'm everything I'm not."
"It's not our fault you left and went to Berea."
You know, Jason can be mean when he's cranky... but for once, he was right. I left to get out and get away. Why should I expect anyone back home to want to try and maintain a friendship with me?? I'm guessing this makes me a "selfish bitch" as I've heard myself called lately, so guess what? I don't expect anything. What happens, happens. As Vanessa sagely put it, "things are bad now, but God doesn't give us more than we can handle." She has been there for me more than anyone else in my life, and I can't express how much I love her for that. So, with the situation here at home, I'll do what I can. But I'm not busting my ass and hurting myself over it anymore. I refuse to let myself be brought down by my paranoid and self destructive thoughts. I will "eff off" as has been said for others to tell me. Hey, if they want me to "eff off" so bad, they got it. I feel really at peace with decision. Maybe I'll "grow up" soon, and stop being one of the rare people who can't live without drama... (even though the drama sent me to a therapist... i still love it... hm... is that bass-ackwards or what??? *note the sarcasm.*) Oh, side note as well. If you have a problem with the shit in my journal, don't fucking read it. No one's making you but yourself. Freedom of speech baby.
I didn't get my RA positon, but its all good. Nessa and I are gonna room, and on the up side, we'll get visitation. Spledifforus!
I have this gash on my hand from playing frisbee.. looks like I have stigmata. Hah!
So lets see, what else? I got about four or five inches of my hair chopped off today. It's super short. I love it. Gives me a semi - Nicole Jillian bitch look, which, since I am a bitch now, I may as well act and look the part. *grins* "Thank you..." *Nicole voice on that one..*
Will comes in on Thursday. I'm looking forward to it, though I'm sure it'll be kinda weird after the way he left on Friday.
Exciting news... I meet my biological father Tuesday evening. I am nervous as hell. What will my sperm donor look like, you know? Do I look like him? Have his same mannerisms? A lot of my questions are gonna get answered, and I am so excited. Something that has bothered me all my life is going to be laid to rest. That brings me comfort in a time of turmoil.
I laid in bed with mom this morning and talked to her. I haven't done that since I was little. She understands why I haven't been coming home, she knows the whole story about everything. I have kept no detail from her. She said she realizes it hurts me to be here. She and I are going to spend time together all thru break, since it's pretty much a done deal that I'll only be home maybe once or twice til sometime late may early june. As soon as school is over, I'm going directly home with Will.
So UK plays tonight. I know what I'M doing! lol...
You know, Jason can be mean when he's cranky... but for once, he was right. I left to get out and get away. Why should I expect anyone back home to want to try and maintain a friendship with me?? I'm guessing this makes me a "selfish bitch" as I've heard myself called lately, so guess what? I don't expect anything. What happens, happens. As Vanessa sagely put it, "things are bad now, but God doesn't give us more than we can handle." She has been there for me more than anyone else in my life, and I can't express how much I love her for that. So, with the situation here at home, I'll do what I can. But I'm not busting my ass and hurting myself over it anymore. I refuse to let myself be brought down by my paranoid and self destructive thoughts. I will "eff off" as has been said for others to tell me. Hey, if they want me to "eff off" so bad, they got it. I feel really at peace with decision. Maybe I'll "grow up" soon, and stop being one of the rare people who can't live without drama... (even though the drama sent me to a therapist... i still love it... hm... is that bass-ackwards or what??? *note the sarcasm.*) Oh, side note as well. If you have a problem with the shit in my journal, don't fucking read it. No one's making you but yourself. Freedom of speech baby.
I didn't get my RA positon, but its all good. Nessa and I are gonna room, and on the up side, we'll get visitation. Spledifforus!
I have this gash on my hand from playing frisbee.. looks like I have stigmata. Hah!
So lets see, what else? I got about four or five inches of my hair chopped off today. It's super short. I love it. Gives me a semi - Nicole Jillian bitch look, which, since I am a bitch now, I may as well act and look the part. *grins* "Thank you..." *Nicole voice on that one..*
Will comes in on Thursday. I'm looking forward to it, though I'm sure it'll be kinda weird after the way he left on Friday.
Exciting news... I meet my biological father Tuesday evening. I am nervous as hell. What will my sperm donor look like, you know? Do I look like him? Have his same mannerisms? A lot of my questions are gonna get answered, and I am so excited. Something that has bothered me all my life is going to be laid to rest. That brings me comfort in a time of turmoil.
I laid in bed with mom this morning and talked to her. I haven't done that since I was little. She understands why I haven't been coming home, she knows the whole story about everything. I have kept no detail from her. She said she realizes it hurts me to be here. She and I are going to spend time together all thru break, since it's pretty much a done deal that I'll only be home maybe once or twice til sometime late may early june. As soon as school is over, I'm going directly home with Will.
So UK plays tonight. I know what I'M doing! lol...