"What are the odds that I'd miss your smile?"
Listening to Carbon Leaf. This guy's voice reminds me of Duncan Sheik.
Okay, so my last entry was very vague, so here's the dilly - o.
I did something that maybe I shouldn't have done, something that probably should have waited, but it just happened. I had sex with Will. Big shocker, I know. After all of my damn preaching and being a bitch towards Billie abour all of this shit, and here I go and do the same thing. But I digress: I shared my real first time with Will. He treated me so well, made sure I wasn't in pain and all of that sweet ass shit. Then the rest of the night he took care of me, holding me, carrying me around because I was hurting, and just all around helping me. The next day, we made time between all of our classes to see each other and spend time together. He walked me to my math class, and we got into the elevator with two other girls. I knew at that point something didn't feel right. He walked me the rest of the way to class, and I went in. One of the girls from the elevator, Sam, is in that class with me. She basically announced to the whole class that she and Will were supposed to be dating, but that if I wanted him, I could have him. I was like, "Whoa, girlfriend???!!!" I freaked like hell. I mean, here I am, I just gave something that special to this guy, and I'm just someone to cheat on his girl with??? WHAT??? I got back to my room and told Nessa and Loren. He called me, and I let him have it. He walked over here and tried to talk to me, but I was too inconsolable. Jason found out as well, and that went badly, OF COURSE. So now I'm a whore, now I'm sleeping around with everyone. *sighs* I changed my aim and deleted my mojo profile. My phone's turned off for now as well. But back to Will. We finally talked, and he and nessa and loren all told me about this Sam chick. She's in danger of being thrown out because she's mentally unstable, which scares the hell outta me. She's violent as hell I've been told. I have someone with me on campus at all times now, which is sad, but necessary right now. So after work, I met up with Will again, and we worked on h.w. in his room, then went to the cafe, then walked around campus in the rain. I told him that I was going to work on this with him, that I really wanted to give him another chance. I really do like this guy, and from what I've heard about this sam chick, I believe his story. So I'm seeing him tonight as long as I can keep the level of homework down.
In other news:
I had a really meaningful conversation with Billie last night, and I really do believe that things are going to get better. I mean, I am starting to see just how happy she is, and that's all I ever wanted, you know? Her happiness, since I met her, meant everything to me. The fact that she IS happy is something for me to be thankful for. And honestly, I'm so tired of being hurt and not having her in my life. I realized that you can't control and manipulate others to your desires, and that's helped me a long way. I really love her, not in the romantic way, but in the "i care about you so damn much" way. I think things are finally starting to pave out. I think that she's gonna meet Will one weekend. That'd be nice.
But just when you GAIN one, you LOSE another. The fact that I hurt Jason kills me. Yes, I told him I wanted to try and work things out, but I ALSO told him that I wanted to keep our options open. I don't know if he'll ever be in my life again. It's up to him at this point. I just hope that he takes time to come around. I need a few days. I honestly couldn't do the Dom/sub thing again. I've gotten way too strong and independent. *Sighs*
My popular season 2 dvd shipped out yesterday, according to amazon. Yay. And I'm off this weekend, so guess what MY ass'll be doing if no one comes down to visit! lol
Time to work on women's studies!
Okay, so my last entry was very vague, so here's the dilly - o.
I did something that maybe I shouldn't have done, something that probably should have waited, but it just happened. I had sex with Will. Big shocker, I know. After all of my damn preaching and being a bitch towards Billie abour all of this shit, and here I go and do the same thing. But I digress: I shared my real first time with Will. He treated me so well, made sure I wasn't in pain and all of that sweet ass shit. Then the rest of the night he took care of me, holding me, carrying me around because I was hurting, and just all around helping me. The next day, we made time between all of our classes to see each other and spend time together. He walked me to my math class, and we got into the elevator with two other girls. I knew at that point something didn't feel right. He walked me the rest of the way to class, and I went in. One of the girls from the elevator, Sam, is in that class with me. She basically announced to the whole class that she and Will were supposed to be dating, but that if I wanted him, I could have him. I was like, "Whoa, girlfriend???!!!" I freaked like hell. I mean, here I am, I just gave something that special to this guy, and I'm just someone to cheat on his girl with??? WHAT??? I got back to my room and told Nessa and Loren. He called me, and I let him have it. He walked over here and tried to talk to me, but I was too inconsolable. Jason found out as well, and that went badly, OF COURSE. So now I'm a whore, now I'm sleeping around with everyone. *sighs* I changed my aim and deleted my mojo profile. My phone's turned off for now as well. But back to Will. We finally talked, and he and nessa and loren all told me about this Sam chick. She's in danger of being thrown out because she's mentally unstable, which scares the hell outta me. She's violent as hell I've been told. I have someone with me on campus at all times now, which is sad, but necessary right now. So after work, I met up with Will again, and we worked on h.w. in his room, then went to the cafe, then walked around campus in the rain. I told him that I was going to work on this with him, that I really wanted to give him another chance. I really do like this guy, and from what I've heard about this sam chick, I believe his story. So I'm seeing him tonight as long as I can keep the level of homework down.
In other news:
I had a really meaningful conversation with Billie last night, and I really do believe that things are going to get better. I mean, I am starting to see just how happy she is, and that's all I ever wanted, you know? Her happiness, since I met her, meant everything to me. The fact that she IS happy is something for me to be thankful for. And honestly, I'm so tired of being hurt and not having her in my life. I realized that you can't control and manipulate others to your desires, and that's helped me a long way. I really love her, not in the romantic way, but in the "i care about you so damn much" way. I think things are finally starting to pave out. I think that she's gonna meet Will one weekend. That'd be nice.
But just when you GAIN one, you LOSE another. The fact that I hurt Jason kills me. Yes, I told him I wanted to try and work things out, but I ALSO told him that I wanted to keep our options open. I don't know if he'll ever be in my life again. It's up to him at this point. I just hope that he takes time to come around. I need a few days. I honestly couldn't do the Dom/sub thing again. I've gotten way too strong and independent. *Sighs*
My popular season 2 dvd shipped out yesterday, according to amazon. Yay. And I'm off this weekend, so guess what MY ass'll be doing if no one comes down to visit! lol
Time to work on women's studies!