Deep breath. In. Out. In again. It's ok. It will be ok.
My only aunt on my father's side is in a bad way. She has been there for quite some time now, having battled three different kinds of cancer. She is not expected to last the next week. Two if time stretches.
It's hard to put in to words what this women meant to me. I only ever saw her maybe once every few years and increasingly not even then because as she got older the sicker she got. My last recollection of her was talking to her on the phone in my room here in D.C. while she was at her home in Hawaii just trying to catch up. The last time I saw her was when my dad's family were all at my uncle's house in San Diego and I dragged everyone off to see Shakespeare in the Park at the Old Globe those many years ago. She is the underwater basket-weaving-type adventurous hippy and all-around amazing person. Everyone who knew us both said I took after her and she was a kind of role model for me. I might not be exactly blazing a new trail but I'm walking to my own pace listening to my own music following in the footsteps of an amazing, amazing woman.
This is natural and necessary and I know that she is in pain - and has been for quite some time now - but it is still a bit of a gut punch. I mean I know this was going to happen but to be told that this is it - the countdown has officially started - is hard. I can only imagine what it is like for my dad and my uncle - her two younger brothers.
So for tonight I am going to huddle in and remember all the good things and sip my tea and just... be. Because there is nothing I can do from here. Not now.
It's hard to put in to words what this women meant to me. I only ever saw her maybe once every few years and increasingly not even then because as she got older the sicker she got. My last recollection of her was talking to her on the phone in my room here in D.C. while she was at her home in Hawaii just trying to catch up. The last time I saw her was when my dad's family were all at my uncle's house in San Diego and I dragged everyone off to see Shakespeare in the Park at the Old Globe those many years ago. She is the underwater basket-weaving-type adventurous hippy and all-around amazing person. Everyone who knew us both said I took after her and she was a kind of role model for me. I might not be exactly blazing a new trail but I'm walking to my own pace listening to my own music following in the footsteps of an amazing, amazing woman.
This is natural and necessary and I know that she is in pain - and has been for quite some time now - but it is still a bit of a gut punch. I mean I know this was going to happen but to be told that this is it - the countdown has officially started - is hard. I can only imagine what it is like for my dad and my uncle - her two younger brothers.
So for tonight I am going to huddle in and remember all the good things and sip my tea and just... be. Because there is nothing I can do from here. Not now.