Solitary vs. isolation
I love reading the blogs of some of my favorite authors. Neil Gaiman, Catherynne Valente, and Theodora Goss tend to rank the highest so I try to go through most of what they write. Behind them I look towards Patrick Rothfuss, Ellen Kushner, and Terri Windling as well (but only when I remember, haha).
Theodora Goss wrote a recent entry that I've been mulling over for the past couple of hours entitled "Self Reliance" which is about going out to places alone. I struggle with that. Is that surprising considering how I always try to portray myself as a bit world-weary and self-reliant? When I went to New Zealand for the month of February my colleague said she could never do that - go somewhere for a month alone, even if it was a paid work-trip - because she would get too lonely and want to cry.
My first trip alone I was 17 and headed to rural Japan for 6 weeks. I didn't know much Japanese and I admit, in the end I got really lonely and had cultural issues with my family. There were large collect call bills waiting when I came back to America because it was in a time before Skype. I was a bit afraid to go out alone then because I was no where near a metro station and there really wasn't any place that I could walk to. I remember pulling in all my courage to walk around the block and hope that I didn't get too lost. I'm not very good with directions, you see. I found a Japanese vending machine and spent the rest of my trip making small visits for cold milk tea and to get out of the house. It was quite lonely being in that house alone most of the day in the suburbs with nothing but rice paddies and other houses and mosquitoes to keep me company.
After that I did a month-long school trip to Kyoto a couple of years later and then moved to Japan after I graduated college. It's funny, though, thinking back how I didn't mind being alone as much in Japan after that and yet I do feel it in other parts of the world. Is it a cultural thing? It was pretty easy to go out to eat in Japan alone because so many people did and I got comfortable being alone, living in my tiny studio apartment, riding my bike or walking around alone. It all seemed so mundane and routine.
- and there are so many lonely people in Japan. Maybe that helped?
I moved to Australia after a couple years, for graduate school, and that was a wholly different experience as well. It was kind of weird going out to eat alone so I didn't do it that often but it seemed acceptable to sit at an outdoor table, and grab a flat white while curled up with a book. I could head to De Graves St or the steps of Fed Square or even up in Fitzroy and I could always find somewhere to curl up with a coffee. So that was ok. But it was kind of weird going places alone unless I was headed off to meet someone. I didn't really like doing things alone in Australia.
Here in DC it feels so cold and impersonal and it's just not fun doing anything alone. DC is a city that is built upon who you know and where you fit in. Within the first question or two you are asked where you work so people can figure out connections and if you are useful to them. I don't like it. It feels like being alone in DC makes you a loser because you don't know someone to go out with. It sucks, actually.
I actually struggled with that in New Zealand, too, because I was there too short of a time to know where it would be ok to go alone. Does that make sense? I mean, I could go do things alone - and I did, like my trip to Rotorua - but I didn't really know what the social stigmas were so I didn't know what would be ok to do alone.
And, really, I feel like I'm kind of a homebody. I like being at home in front my computer or a book or even watching a show. There were many days in New Zealand and Australia and Japan and even back in L.A. where I could have gone out to do something but I stayed in because I was comfortable where I was and it was just too much of a bother going out. I can't really tell if that makes me a bit of an introvert or not. I suppose that doesn't make me particularly spontaneous and a bit solitary but I guess I'm ok with that. I like having time to myself. I think I get grumpy if I don't get enough of 'my' time in a week. But then I wonder about all those missed opportunities.
Even now, if I want to travel I have a hard time doing it alone unless I have a reason to. I lived in Japan so fair enough. I lived in Australia, too, and had uni so I was busy with that. New Zealand was a work trip. And now when I think of far flung off places that I want to go to like Reykjavík and Budapest and Berlin I hesitate because I don't want to go alone. It's something I seem to struggle with on a daily basis niggling me somewhere far back in my mind. I'm not even sure this is something that I want to overcome because I can't see that it is particularly harming me but it is definitely holding me back from other adventures. And that is definitely a shame. Maybe I should plan a trip alone somewhere abroad when I have enough funds to do so. Hmm. This might take some more thought...
Theodora Goss wrote a recent entry that I've been mulling over for the past couple of hours entitled "Self Reliance" which is about going out to places alone. I struggle with that. Is that surprising considering how I always try to portray myself as a bit world-weary and self-reliant? When I went to New Zealand for the month of February my colleague said she could never do that - go somewhere for a month alone, even if it was a paid work-trip - because she would get too lonely and want to cry.
My first trip alone I was 17 and headed to rural Japan for 6 weeks. I didn't know much Japanese and I admit, in the end I got really lonely and had cultural issues with my family. There were large collect call bills waiting when I came back to America because it was in a time before Skype. I was a bit afraid to go out alone then because I was no where near a metro station and there really wasn't any place that I could walk to. I remember pulling in all my courage to walk around the block and hope that I didn't get too lost. I'm not very good with directions, you see. I found a Japanese vending machine and spent the rest of my trip making small visits for cold milk tea and to get out of the house. It was quite lonely being in that house alone most of the day in the suburbs with nothing but rice paddies and other houses and mosquitoes to keep me company.
After that I did a month-long school trip to Kyoto a couple of years later and then moved to Japan after I graduated college. It's funny, though, thinking back how I didn't mind being alone as much in Japan after that and yet I do feel it in other parts of the world. Is it a cultural thing? It was pretty easy to go out to eat in Japan alone because so many people did and I got comfortable being alone, living in my tiny studio apartment, riding my bike or walking around alone. It all seemed so mundane and routine.
- and there are so many lonely people in Japan. Maybe that helped?
I moved to Australia after a couple years, for graduate school, and that was a wholly different experience as well. It was kind of weird going out to eat alone so I didn't do it that often but it seemed acceptable to sit at an outdoor table, and grab a flat white while curled up with a book. I could head to De Graves St or the steps of Fed Square or even up in Fitzroy and I could always find somewhere to curl up with a coffee. So that was ok. But it was kind of weird going places alone unless I was headed off to meet someone. I didn't really like doing things alone in Australia.
Here in DC it feels so cold and impersonal and it's just not fun doing anything alone. DC is a city that is built upon who you know and where you fit in. Within the first question or two you are asked where you work so people can figure out connections and if you are useful to them. I don't like it. It feels like being alone in DC makes you a loser because you don't know someone to go out with. It sucks, actually.
I actually struggled with that in New Zealand, too, because I was there too short of a time to know where it would be ok to go alone. Does that make sense? I mean, I could go do things alone - and I did, like my trip to Rotorua - but I didn't really know what the social stigmas were so I didn't know what would be ok to do alone.
And, really, I feel like I'm kind of a homebody. I like being at home in front my computer or a book or even watching a show. There were many days in New Zealand and Australia and Japan and even back in L.A. where I could have gone out to do something but I stayed in because I was comfortable where I was and it was just too much of a bother going out. I can't really tell if that makes me a bit of an introvert or not. I suppose that doesn't make me particularly spontaneous and a bit solitary but I guess I'm ok with that. I like having time to myself. I think I get grumpy if I don't get enough of 'my' time in a week. But then I wonder about all those missed opportunities.
Even now, if I want to travel I have a hard time doing it alone unless I have a reason to. I lived in Japan so fair enough. I lived in Australia, too, and had uni so I was busy with that. New Zealand was a work trip. And now when I think of far flung off places that I want to go to like Reykjavík and Budapest and Berlin I hesitate because I don't want to go alone. It's something I seem to struggle with on a daily basis niggling me somewhere far back in my mind. I'm not even sure this is something that I want to overcome because I can't see that it is particularly harming me but it is definitely holding me back from other adventures. And that is definitely a shame. Maybe I should plan a trip alone somewhere abroad when I have enough funds to do so. Hmm. This might take some more thought...