Today is an "I MISS L.A." day
I'm not really sure, why, actually. I suppose because there is always always something awesome going on in L.A. that I am missing out on. It's hard. I know this is an emo post from me and I've got to do so many amazing things here in Japan but... but... the ever-present "but" I miss home. SoCal is home to me and I think it always will be. I love traveling, meeting new people, having these amazing experiences but... my god, I want to go home.
Luckily I am going home for Obon but I will only have less than two short weeks to feel like I am actually home. And I know that once I set food in L.A. it'll almost be like I never left - all I'll be missing is my apartment in Long Beach. I am afraid that I'll have to force myself to get back on that airplane to return to Japan. I'm so afraid that I won't want to!
But I have committed myself to this and I want to live out my work contract, finish it, and move on to something else. But what? And where?!
I just keep having these pendulum swings from I love Japan, it's so awesome here to I hate Japan because the people hate me to my god why am I not in L.A. right now?!!! that I just can reconcile what the hell I want to do anymore. I know I have many months to decide what to do and I've had these moments of thinking hey, Japan isn't so bad, maybe I should stay here for a little longer to hell no, I want to go home to the familiar and beloved that I just don't know what to do. I don't.
Being an ex-pat is hard, so much harder than I ever thought possible.
Luckily I am going home for Obon but I will only have less than two short weeks to feel like I am actually home. And I know that once I set food in L.A. it'll almost be like I never left - all I'll be missing is my apartment in Long Beach. I am afraid that I'll have to force myself to get back on that airplane to return to Japan. I'm so afraid that I won't want to!
But I have committed myself to this and I want to live out my work contract, finish it, and move on to something else. But what? And where?!
I just keep having these pendulum swings from I love Japan, it's so awesome here to I hate Japan because the people hate me to my god why am I not in L.A. right now?!!! that I just can reconcile what the hell I want to do anymore. I know I have many months to decide what to do and I've had these moments of thinking hey, Japan isn't so bad, maybe I should stay here for a little longer to hell no, I want to go home to the familiar and beloved that I just don't know what to do. I don't.
Being an ex-pat is hard, so much harder than I ever thought possible.