Finishing my own character developement.
I don't know what has changed. I don't know if I'm getting too lost inside of my head our what but I keep thinking something doesn't feel right. I know I don't write personal thoughts of myself that often anymore but this is something I need to work out so yeah. I'm writing a story from POV teenage boy and something about it is really fucking with my head considering I'm a 28 almost 29 year old women. I keep thinking my life should be more like the one I'm writing but that's not the way things work. And then I have a thought "Well next time it will be right," "Next time it will be better" "Next ride things will be different" but the problem with that is I don't know if there is a "next ride" so to speak. Another life another chance for things to be different to continue on. This life just doesn't seem right to me. I keep thinking where is my first love, well Elizabeth I don't know maybe she's in bed sleep? Where is my hope for my own children? Well, again it's sleeping in the bed in the next room. I feel like I've done this before. Said "ok well next time will be different" and just stopped in the middle of the story and blanked out. I don't want to do that. I don't want to but the urge is so poweful, the feeling that that is what is supposed to happen. I want to get past that feeling. I want to keep moving forward I want to finish this story, this life. I don't want to get off the ride right in the middle but something in my head is telling me I should. Maybe that's why they call it mental illness because it's a sickness that you can't escape that makes no sense most of the time? For some reason I feel like this isn't my life. I know very well it is. I logically know it is but I feel like this isn't my life. Maybe just keep powering through and hope I recconect? I usually do at some point it just feels weird right now is all. Which me luck.