Anger.
I hate how angry I can get. I usually keep it to myself, then let it out in some healthy way, like working out or playing music or art or writing. That's healthy, and it keeps other people from getting hurt. I never want to hurt anyone. I want my rages to be contained - when I feel like smashing and howling and murdering and giving my hands something to rip apart, I want to breathe it all out and be serene again. I want to be respected and admired for how much control I have over my temper.
But how can you distinguish anger at things you can control from anger at things you can't? In the last year, I found out that someone I thought was a friend was going behind my back and doing things that hurt me desperately, things that I could not control. I talked with her, and with others, about how much her behavior hurt me. I took steps to try to fix the problem, but the relationship couldn't be salvaged. Even worse, the bad behavior continued, though not as blatantly. Now, just the thought of her makes my blood boil. I've tried everything I can to be a calm, secure, aloof woman, one who isn't bothered by other people's immature attitudes and behaviors, but so far this anger keeps creeping up on me. As much as I want to do something about her, I've done everything I feel I can within my rights. When is it time to step back and just ignore a problem, even one that makes you furious?
I don't know if there is an answer, but letting it out has been good. Still, you know me. I'm trying to have control over the situation, or at least my part in it. In the meantime, here's to wishing the problem will go away.
But how can you distinguish anger at things you can control from anger at things you can't? In the last year, I found out that someone I thought was a friend was going behind my back and doing things that hurt me desperately, things that I could not control. I talked with her, and with others, about how much her behavior hurt me. I took steps to try to fix the problem, but the relationship couldn't be salvaged. Even worse, the bad behavior continued, though not as blatantly. Now, just the thought of her makes my blood boil. I've tried everything I can to be a calm, secure, aloof woman, one who isn't bothered by other people's immature attitudes and behaviors, but so far this anger keeps creeping up on me. As much as I want to do something about her, I've done everything I feel I can within my rights. When is it time to step back and just ignore a problem, even one that makes you furious?
I don't know if there is an answer, but letting it out has been good. Still, you know me. I'm trying to have control over the situation, or at least my part in it. In the meantime, here's to wishing the problem will go away.