Been a long time...

[ophelia99]

years even.. like two since I last posted but more than that since I really kept this thing up to date with my daily thoughts and feelings. I think I might start coming here again more often though.. just to let out those private things that need out.. purge everything out of those dark and dusty corners that have been overlooked for so long. I'm a much more positive person than I was 15 or 10 years ago, that's for sure.. but there are still traces of sadness and depression there that just have no way out anymore. Of course my husband and my beautiful baby boy definitely help keep that darkness at bay. How can I even look at my son smiling without smiling back? There is no way. But, when I have moments of alone like now it's nice to be able to type freestyle like this and just get things out into the open... visually look at them on the monitor and make them more real while letting go of them at the same time. I suppose I can thank "him" for bringing me back to this site since I had a dream about him last night that was so real.

In it we were in a room together with my sister as well.. I was trying to get him to talk to me, communicate somehow but he wasn't doing it.. but at the same time I could tell he wanted me around. Finally I decided to leave since he wasn't even speaking to me. That's when I woke up.

Maybe I'll use this site as a place to vent my frustrations.. which will mainly be the fact that I want to be back in the south, back in Texas specifically with my family.. and it looks like I might not ever get there.

Ok, back to reading entries from the past now.