poop
I gave my boyfriend a sleeping pill last night so he'd get some sleep and not wake up early in the morning and it kinda backfired. He slept til about noon when I made him get up and he's really groggy. He's decided he's not going to take it again because he feels like a zombie right now. It makes me really groggy too but I get up earlier than usual because it makes me have really interrupted sleep after about 7 hours or so. And I have some weird dreams too. I'm hoping that the Lamictal kicks in soon. I'm also wishing that the seroquel would make me sleepy when I take it. It seems to not be making me want to go to bed, but it makes it hard for me to get up the next day.
Writing in my journal is helping me feel a little better about everything. I want to go back to my myspace and do some writing there but I have to censor everything because my family is on there and so are a couple of my mega-ly christian friends and they attack me whenever i talk about things they don't like. I've tried to tell them that my journal is not up for discussion but they keep trying to push their beliefs on me and everyone they come in contact with. I know you're thinking I should just unfriend them or block them but I keep hoping that one day they'll come to their senses and quit the bullshit. I at least have that hope.
I took a break yesterday from the Dharma binge I've been into and spent some time reading my friends page and watching Lucky Star. I had some fun realxing and laughing at my show. It feels good to relax and stuff. I've been needing to meditate some but I haven't been in the mood. I need to be in a certain mood to successfully meditate. My mind just hasn't been that clear recently. I've been able to focus for the time that I'm at the Ecumenical Buddhist Society for the Sakya practice, though. That little hour on wednesdays is a godsend for me. It makes me feel good to do some meditating and praying for people. I still find the time to stop and pray during the day and before I go to bed but sometimes, like I've already said, it's hard for me to focus and stay on the task of praying. My mind wanders so forcefully and I have no control over it. I think I have adult ADD. It's way too easy for me to get upset and have a panic attack while I'm in bed trying to go to sleep. That lady I spoke to on the hotline must have not found the name and title of that workbook she was telling me about because she hasn't called me. Mayhap she sent a message to my therapist for me. I see him again this thursday. I can't wait to go because I need to tell him about my panic attack and stuff. He's great to talk to, but he doesn't have a method. He gives advice but he has no constructive solutions or methods to help me rid myself of my problems. He's even got a doctorate in psychology and he doesn't do psych methods with me. They psychologist I first saw while I was in college would talk to me about my past and make connections about the things that trigger my mood swings. She'd even have me to projects while I was there to map out my life and help me get over my past. I didn't get to see her long because I had to leave school for the summer and then was too busy to see her again when I came back for my second year. I really wish my current therapist was like that. I wish I had some more options. I go to a mental health center that lets me go there for free and they have only 4 or so therapists. Two of which are actual psychologists. The first guy they set me up with when I first started going there was a stupid social worker. I HATE social workers. And he was the worst. He was always trying to argue with me and correct me and was always trying to push his christian views on me. I got tired of that shit fast. I wanted a real psychologist with a goddamn degree. My therapist is a really cool guy, he just doesn't act like a psychologist. He tells me his acutal area is in the developmentally challenged; I don't know what that actually entails.
My boyfriend is already taking a nap. Poor guy. I'll never ever give someone without a sleeping problem a sleeping pill again.
Writing in my journal is helping me feel a little better about everything. I want to go back to my myspace and do some writing there but I have to censor everything because my family is on there and so are a couple of my mega-ly christian friends and they attack me whenever i talk about things they don't like. I've tried to tell them that my journal is not up for discussion but they keep trying to push their beliefs on me and everyone they come in contact with. I know you're thinking I should just unfriend them or block them but I keep hoping that one day they'll come to their senses and quit the bullshit. I at least have that hope.
I took a break yesterday from the Dharma binge I've been into and spent some time reading my friends page and watching Lucky Star. I had some fun realxing and laughing at my show. It feels good to relax and stuff. I've been needing to meditate some but I haven't been in the mood. I need to be in a certain mood to successfully meditate. My mind just hasn't been that clear recently. I've been able to focus for the time that I'm at the Ecumenical Buddhist Society for the Sakya practice, though. That little hour on wednesdays is a godsend for me. It makes me feel good to do some meditating and praying for people. I still find the time to stop and pray during the day and before I go to bed but sometimes, like I've already said, it's hard for me to focus and stay on the task of praying. My mind wanders so forcefully and I have no control over it. I think I have adult ADD. It's way too easy for me to get upset and have a panic attack while I'm in bed trying to go to sleep. That lady I spoke to on the hotline must have not found the name and title of that workbook she was telling me about because she hasn't called me. Mayhap she sent a message to my therapist for me. I see him again this thursday. I can't wait to go because I need to tell him about my panic attack and stuff. He's great to talk to, but he doesn't have a method. He gives advice but he has no constructive solutions or methods to help me rid myself of my problems. He's even got a doctorate in psychology and he doesn't do psych methods with me. They psychologist I first saw while I was in college would talk to me about my past and make connections about the things that trigger my mood swings. She'd even have me to projects while I was there to map out my life and help me get over my past. I didn't get to see her long because I had to leave school for the summer and then was too busy to see her again when I came back for my second year. I really wish my current therapist was like that. I wish I had some more options. I go to a mental health center that lets me go there for free and they have only 4 or so therapists. Two of which are actual psychologists. The first guy they set me up with when I first started going there was a stupid social worker. I HATE social workers. And he was the worst. He was always trying to argue with me and correct me and was always trying to push his christian views on me. I got tired of that shit fast. I wanted a real psychologist with a goddamn degree. My therapist is a really cool guy, he just doesn't act like a psychologist. He tells me his acutal area is in the developmentally challenged; I don't know what that actually entails.
My boyfriend is already taking a nap. Poor guy. I'll never ever give someone without a sleeping problem a sleeping pill again.