Disney Laced Profanity: Chapter Four (Rachel/Puck)
Chapter Four is finally here! Sorry for the holiday induced delay! (Reviews make me ridiculously happy. I'm just saying.....)
Chapter Four
Noah Puckerman doesn’t do angst. He doesn’t wonder about chicks and what they’re thinking. He doesn’t speculate about stupid things like feelings. And he really doesn’t do the whole what if thing. Things are what they fucking are.
Basically? You know what you know and if you don’t fucking know it, then you obviously don’t need to.
Looking out the lobby window at the pair standing next to the McKinley Activities bus, though.... well, Puck is reconsidering. Rachel has that stupid grin (that he absolutely does not find cute) on her face, and he’s being forcefully reminded that there are things about her he doesn’t know. Things he might want to know...
Keep in mind, he doesn’t actually care what Rachel Berry does. There’s no need for any swooning, people. (What? You think you can be Noah Puckerman and not know a thing or TEN about chicks swooning? He is the fucking master of swoon.) Puck is absolutely not jealous. He doesn’t want to do something completely retarded like be in some ridiculous relationship with Rachel Berry. Get serious.
(Besides, if he’s going to turn into a total douche and be someone’s boyfriend -- even Puck knows it should be his baby mama. Quinn might be a fucking bitch most of the time, but his baby is in her belly and he doesn’t take that shit lightly.)
But even Puck can’t escape the fact that Rachel Berry is holding hands with some curly headed asshole. And that kind of shit would make anyone want to know what the hell is going on.
********
It starts like this:
Rachel spent most of her sophomore year happily oblivious to the fact that no one in Glee club seem to know (or care) about anything in her life. Sure, she knew they didn’t seem to like her much -- but she thought they were at least aware of her when she wasn’t singing.
But then she started spending time (making out) with Noah Puckerman.
Even now, a month later, Rachel doesn’t understand the giant non-reaction to her brief whatever with Noah. (Really, she doesn’t know what to call it. Relationship would be self-delusion on a grand scale. Fling sounds far too light hearted and fun. Hook Up makes it sound like he got past second base, and he most certainly did not.) Maybe no one knew about the things they did on her bed, in his truck, and well.... a few other places. But Noah Puckerman serenaded her and no one batted an eyelash (she’s sure everyone would agree that bitch faces from Santana hardly count). He escorted her down the hall and nary an eyebrow was raised. He quit the football team and hugged her without the slightest sexual innuendo in front of the entire Glee Club, and still -- NOTHING. In fact, it was only when Mr. Schue asked her about her relationship with Puck (during that horribly embarrassing week she still shudders to think about) that Rachel became sure that anyone had even noticed.
In the beginning, this didn’t bother her overly much. She was, of course, rather disappointed that Finn hadn’t turned immediately green with envy. But apart from that, she chose not to worry about it. Such is life as a misunderstood ingenue. These things happen.
However, seven days later, she broke up with Noah. And still.... no one cared. This makes Rachel rethink a few things.
Since she was quite young, Rachel has been aware that the only times she seems to get any level of acknowledgement from people is when she’s either singing or having a diva moment. (Obviously, a qualified psychologist could have a field day with that observation, but she chooses to believe that her psyche is not that obvious.) However, if Rachel Berry “dating” Noah Puckerman isn’t sufficient to get anyone’s attention -- well, the problem is obviously much bigger than Rachel ever realized.
That’s when Rachel decides that perhaps it is time to expand the eligible pool of participants for some of her attempts at social interactions. (Even though he says they aren’t friends, she can still hear him in her head: Speak English, for fuck’s sake.)
She starts by signing up for the new Group Vocal Dynamics! class being offered by her voice couch, Sasha. She’s always preferred to focus her efforts on one-on-one tutelage, but if Glee has taught her anything, it’s that singing with other people can be much more fun than singing alone (to a video camera). The class is a success on several levels -- the most surprising of which is that the bulk of her learning comes after class with a cute older boy who has the most beautiful tenor voice she’s ever heard (in Ohio). She’s still not sure how his tongue ended up in her mouth that first time, but really it is no big mystery. Rachel has always been a sucker for boys who not only compliment her singing (he’d said she took his breath away!) but can keep up with her vocally.
(Later, she wonders if she should be worried that she’s so easily taken in by anyone who seems to notice her. At all.)
She passes a very lovely four weeks participating in her new clandestine activities and learning a great deal about the other advantages of all that diaphragm work she’s done over the years. (Again, it can hardly be called a relationship when they don’t even know each other’s last names). And Rachel refuses to feel guilty for succumbing to Puck’s infantile advances at her house. After all, she is not in an exclusive thing with anyone.
Rachel is just having fun.....she’s almost sure.
On Monday, Mr. Schuester announces the field trip to the Carmel High Invitational for the following weekend, and Rachel realizes it is the perfect thing to take her mind off of the unfortunate ball of butter incident of the previous weekend. Mr. Schue feels strongly (and Rachel quite agrees) that this is the perfect opportunity to scope out their top competition at Regionals.
The rest of the club agrees as well -- they just aren’t as hyped about meeting in the school parking lot at 6am on a weekend to get to the other school “bright and early”. Puck in particular seems to blame Rachel for the god forsaken hour of their departure. Mr. Schue may have announced it as if it were his idea, but Puck is pretty damn sure that it was only after an annoyingly detailed pep talk from Berry. As a form of protest, he stays out all night on Friday drinking beer and slushees in the 7-11 parking lot. (Well, if you want to get all technical about it -- he went home for 20 minutes to convince his mother that he was obeying her lame ass curfew before promptly climbing back out the window)
As a result, he’s now the proud owner of two blood-shot eyes and a fucking foul mood. (He refuses to think that some of that might be related to the fact that two months ago he would have forced Finn to pull the all-nighter with him and they would have spent the night not having totally gay male bonding time)
Rachel’s been shooting nervous glances at him from across the bus, but he doesn’t know what the hell her problem is. She sat 5 fucking rows away from him.... what does she think he’s going to do? (She’s kind of been a bitch all week after the whole butter in her yard thing. He helped her clean it up, didn’t he? And he only put 2 or 3 of them down her shirt. In his mind, he deserves some sort of damn medal for that kind of restraint.)
Besides, even if he wants to mess with her today, he can’t because she's so fucking far away. (Puck doesn’t know when -- but at some point Rachel Berry being where he can’t touch her has started to piss him off.) To make matters worse, his head won’t stop pounding and he is fucking positive that Berry’s probably got some magic pill in that ridiculous bag of hers that would make it all go away.
He returns her nervous glance with a glare. Rachel bites her bottom lip and quickly looks back out her window. She spends the rest of the ride taking turns staring at the scenery outside (lots of trees) or the scenery in the bus (mostly Finn).
Puck spends the rest of the ride pretending to stare at Quinn.
******
Awkward silence is how it started. This is how it continued.....
**********
As the show draws to an end, Rachel realizes that she should have seen it coming. Of course her clandestine liaisons (i.e.. make-out lessons) have been occurring with the lead male soloist for Vocal Adrenaline. Bright side? She now knows his last name. Not so bright side? She’s pretty sure he spotted her during the first encore. (Yes, they are having multiple encores. Even Rachel thinks this is a little over the top for a high school performance.) And if the smile that lights up his face is any indication, he is under the severely mistaken impression that she is there to surprise him.
“Oh crap.”
Puck wakes up when he hears Rachel whispering one of her I want to say fuck right now but I’m too much of a lady words in the auditorium seat directly behind him. He’s been zoned out for at least the last 5 songs. (Seriously -- who decided that two hours was an acceptable amount of time to force anyone to listen to a bunch of fucking geeks sing?) He’s only mildly curious about Rachel’s fake swearing until he hears her start to get up and whisper to her neighbor.
“Excuse me! I’m so sorry- could you just move your knee a little bit? Thanks. Sorry! Oh please do excuse me.”
He has to turn around to watch her pathetic attempts at a polite exit to believe them. Rachel Berry just walked out of a performance. He’s up and following her before his brain catches up with his body. He doesn’t whisper.
“Gotta whiz, people. Move it or lose it.”
He catches her in the lobby (who knew those hot legs of hers could move so fast?). “Berry. What is your deal?” Rachel whirls around and he can’t help but snort when she actually puts her hand up to her chest in a startled gesture. Who is she today? Fucking Scarlet O’Hara?
“Noah! What are you doing out here? The performance wasn’t over and it is really very rude to leave in the middle of a song like that. I really....”
“Berry”
“...think that you should try to go back in quietly and maybe take a lesson or two from Kurt, because...”
“Berry!” (He’s trying to be patient. He really is.)
“....as rude as he can be sometimes, he has an excellent feel for being a polite audience member and you really....”
“Rachel!”
Her name coming out of his lips stops her short. She just stares at him, mouth hanging open mid-sentence. Puck can’t help but grimace when he realizes why she’s so shocked.
“Oh, don’t be such a drama queen. It’s your name.”
Rachel’s mouth snaps shut and she scowls at him. Puck smiles.
“Seriously, Berry. Take a fucking breath and tell me why you are freaking out.”
He is taken off guard when she opens her mouth but nothing comes out. Rachel stands there looking indecisive and unsure of herself, and Puck is pretty sure that this is what flabbergasted feels like. He’s about to grab her by the arm and haul her off somewhere to make her talk (or kiss her -- that’s always an option too) when the auditorium doors burst open and people start pouring into the lobby. (Apparently the encore’s encore has officially ended.)
Finn is one of the first people out the door -- and it is pretty clear that he’s looking for Rachel. When he sees her standing with Puck, though, he changes course quickly and heads directly for the bus. Rachel’s face falls a little, but she makes no move to follow him. (This makes him grin a little, and Puck wonders if he has now managed to turn into an even bigger asshole than he was 5 minutes ago).
Rachel’s not sure what is making her feel more overwhelmed -- the small fact that she has been sexing up the competition or the rather big fact that Noah just followed her out of an auditorium to make sure she was ok. (Rachel really hopes that she has not been misusing the phrase sexing up. Mercedes swore that it doesn’t always indicate intercourse.)
She’s about to say something (though she’s not remotely sure what), when Quinn slowly approaches them with a look on her face that makes it clear that Puck is about to get another “Are You Good Enough To Be The Daddy” tests. His face immediately shutters as he tries to hide the longing she can clearly see in his eyes. (This makes her heart hurt a little -- which is, of course, ridiculous.) She doesn’t need to stay to watch this, and besides she needs to make her escape. (What was she thinking staying in this lobby in plain sight for so long?)
“I’ll just leave you two alone”
Noah (Puck?) makes no move to stop her, and she’s halfway to the bus when she hears someone calling her name. At first, she is so sure it is Noah, that she turns to answer it with a smile. But then she sees someone else entirely, and she remembers why she was feeling so panicked 10 minutes ago. She can’t let everyone see her talking to him. They already hate her enough as it is.
He runs up to her, still in his costume and clearly out of breath. Rachel tries not to smile at how cute his curly hair is, messy and sweaty from the show he just put on. She tries not to light up on the inside at how incredibly happy he looks to see her. And she tries to ignore the stares that she can feel coming from the Glee members that have already boarded the bus (thank god Noah is still in the lobby). But then he reaches over and grabs her hand.
“Rach! This is awesome! I can’t believe you are here. You have to come meet my friends. They think I made you up.”
He shoots her a sheepish grin as he tugs at her hand, pulling her back towards the building. Rachel tries to recover from her shock.
He’s really happy to see her.
He’s holding her hand.
He’s told his friends about her.
Rachel glances back at the bus before looking at him (and all that shining acceptance on his face). And then she grins.
“Oh, what the fuck.”
****
And that? That’s how Rachel unexpectedly ended up as the girlfriend of some curly headed asshole.
Chapter Four
Noah Puckerman doesn’t do angst. He doesn’t wonder about chicks and what they’re thinking. He doesn’t speculate about stupid things like feelings. And he really doesn’t do the whole what if thing. Things are what they fucking are.
Basically? You know what you know and if you don’t fucking know it, then you obviously don’t need to.
Looking out the lobby window at the pair standing next to the McKinley Activities bus, though.... well, Puck is reconsidering. Rachel has that stupid grin (that he absolutely does not find cute) on her face, and he’s being forcefully reminded that there are things about her he doesn’t know. Things he might want to know...
Keep in mind, he doesn’t actually care what Rachel Berry does. There’s no need for any swooning, people. (What? You think you can be Noah Puckerman and not know a thing or TEN about chicks swooning? He is the fucking master of swoon.) Puck is absolutely not jealous. He doesn’t want to do something completely retarded like be in some ridiculous relationship with Rachel Berry. Get serious.
(Besides, if he’s going to turn into a total douche and be someone’s boyfriend -- even Puck knows it should be his baby mama. Quinn might be a fucking bitch most of the time, but his baby is in her belly and he doesn’t take that shit lightly.)
But even Puck can’t escape the fact that Rachel Berry is holding hands with some curly headed asshole. And that kind of shit would make anyone want to know what the hell is going on.
********
It starts like this:
Rachel spent most of her sophomore year happily oblivious to the fact that no one in Glee club seem to know (or care) about anything in her life. Sure, she knew they didn’t seem to like her much -- but she thought they were at least aware of her when she wasn’t singing.
But then she started spending time (making out) with Noah Puckerman.
Even now, a month later, Rachel doesn’t understand the giant non-reaction to her brief whatever with Noah. (Really, she doesn’t know what to call it. Relationship would be self-delusion on a grand scale. Fling sounds far too light hearted and fun. Hook Up makes it sound like he got past second base, and he most certainly did not.) Maybe no one knew about the things they did on her bed, in his truck, and well.... a few other places. But Noah Puckerman serenaded her and no one batted an eyelash (she’s sure everyone would agree that bitch faces from Santana hardly count). He escorted her down the hall and nary an eyebrow was raised. He quit the football team and hugged her without the slightest sexual innuendo in front of the entire Glee Club, and still -- NOTHING. In fact, it was only when Mr. Schue asked her about her relationship with Puck (during that horribly embarrassing week she still shudders to think about) that Rachel became sure that anyone had even noticed.
In the beginning, this didn’t bother her overly much. She was, of course, rather disappointed that Finn hadn’t turned immediately green with envy. But apart from that, she chose not to worry about it. Such is life as a misunderstood ingenue. These things happen.
However, seven days later, she broke up with Noah. And still.... no one cared. This makes Rachel rethink a few things.
Since she was quite young, Rachel has been aware that the only times she seems to get any level of acknowledgement from people is when she’s either singing or having a diva moment. (Obviously, a qualified psychologist could have a field day with that observation, but she chooses to believe that her psyche is not that obvious.) However, if Rachel Berry “dating” Noah Puckerman isn’t sufficient to get anyone’s attention -- well, the problem is obviously much bigger than Rachel ever realized.
That’s when Rachel decides that perhaps it is time to expand the eligible pool of participants for some of her attempts at social interactions. (Even though he says they aren’t friends, she can still hear him in her head: Speak English, for fuck’s sake.)
She starts by signing up for the new Group Vocal Dynamics! class being offered by her voice couch, Sasha. She’s always preferred to focus her efforts on one-on-one tutelage, but if Glee has taught her anything, it’s that singing with other people can be much more fun than singing alone (to a video camera). The class is a success on several levels -- the most surprising of which is that the bulk of her learning comes after class with a cute older boy who has the most beautiful tenor voice she’s ever heard (in Ohio). She’s still not sure how his tongue ended up in her mouth that first time, but really it is no big mystery. Rachel has always been a sucker for boys who not only compliment her singing (he’d said she took his breath away!) but can keep up with her vocally.
(Later, she wonders if she should be worried that she’s so easily taken in by anyone who seems to notice her. At all.)
She passes a very lovely four weeks participating in her new clandestine activities and learning a great deal about the other advantages of all that diaphragm work she’s done over the years. (Again, it can hardly be called a relationship when they don’t even know each other’s last names). And Rachel refuses to feel guilty for succumbing to Puck’s infantile advances at her house. After all, she is not in an exclusive thing with anyone.
Rachel is just having fun.....she’s almost sure.
On Monday, Mr. Schuester announces the field trip to the Carmel High Invitational for the following weekend, and Rachel realizes it is the perfect thing to take her mind off of the unfortunate ball of butter incident of the previous weekend. Mr. Schue feels strongly (and Rachel quite agrees) that this is the perfect opportunity to scope out their top competition at Regionals.
The rest of the club agrees as well -- they just aren’t as hyped about meeting in the school parking lot at 6am on a weekend to get to the other school “bright and early”. Puck in particular seems to blame Rachel for the god forsaken hour of their departure. Mr. Schue may have announced it as if it were his idea, but Puck is pretty damn sure that it was only after an annoyingly detailed pep talk from Berry. As a form of protest, he stays out all night on Friday drinking beer and slushees in the 7-11 parking lot. (Well, if you want to get all technical about it -- he went home for 20 minutes to convince his mother that he was obeying her lame ass curfew before promptly climbing back out the window)
As a result, he’s now the proud owner of two blood-shot eyes and a fucking foul mood. (He refuses to think that some of that might be related to the fact that two months ago he would have forced Finn to pull the all-nighter with him and they would have spent the night not having totally gay male bonding time)
Rachel’s been shooting nervous glances at him from across the bus, but he doesn’t know what the hell her problem is. She sat 5 fucking rows away from him.... what does she think he’s going to do? (She’s kind of been a bitch all week after the whole butter in her yard thing. He helped her clean it up, didn’t he? And he only put 2 or 3 of them down her shirt. In his mind, he deserves some sort of damn medal for that kind of restraint.)
Besides, even if he wants to mess with her today, he can’t because she's so fucking far away. (Puck doesn’t know when -- but at some point Rachel Berry being where he can’t touch her has started to piss him off.) To make matters worse, his head won’t stop pounding and he is fucking positive that Berry’s probably got some magic pill in that ridiculous bag of hers that would make it all go away.
He returns her nervous glance with a glare. Rachel bites her bottom lip and quickly looks back out her window. She spends the rest of the ride taking turns staring at the scenery outside (lots of trees) or the scenery in the bus (mostly Finn).
Puck spends the rest of the ride pretending to stare at Quinn.
******
Awkward silence is how it started. This is how it continued.....
**********
As the show draws to an end, Rachel realizes that she should have seen it coming. Of course her clandestine liaisons (i.e.. make-out lessons) have been occurring with the lead male soloist for Vocal Adrenaline. Bright side? She now knows his last name. Not so bright side? She’s pretty sure he spotted her during the first encore. (Yes, they are having multiple encores. Even Rachel thinks this is a little over the top for a high school performance.) And if the smile that lights up his face is any indication, he is under the severely mistaken impression that she is there to surprise him.
“Oh crap.”
Puck wakes up when he hears Rachel whispering one of her I want to say fuck right now but I’m too much of a lady words in the auditorium seat directly behind him. He’s been zoned out for at least the last 5 songs. (Seriously -- who decided that two hours was an acceptable amount of time to force anyone to listen to a bunch of fucking geeks sing?) He’s only mildly curious about Rachel’s fake swearing until he hears her start to get up and whisper to her neighbor.
“Excuse me! I’m so sorry- could you just move your knee a little bit? Thanks. Sorry! Oh please do excuse me.”
He has to turn around to watch her pathetic attempts at a polite exit to believe them. Rachel Berry just walked out of a performance. He’s up and following her before his brain catches up with his body. He doesn’t whisper.
“Gotta whiz, people. Move it or lose it.”
He catches her in the lobby (who knew those hot legs of hers could move so fast?). “Berry. What is your deal?” Rachel whirls around and he can’t help but snort when she actually puts her hand up to her chest in a startled gesture. Who is she today? Fucking Scarlet O’Hara?
“Noah! What are you doing out here? The performance wasn’t over and it is really very rude to leave in the middle of a song like that. I really....”
“Berry”
“...think that you should try to go back in quietly and maybe take a lesson or two from Kurt, because...”
“Berry!” (He’s trying to be patient. He really is.)
“....as rude as he can be sometimes, he has an excellent feel for being a polite audience member and you really....”
“Rachel!”
Her name coming out of his lips stops her short. She just stares at him, mouth hanging open mid-sentence. Puck can’t help but grimace when he realizes why she’s so shocked.
“Oh, don’t be such a drama queen. It’s your name.”
Rachel’s mouth snaps shut and she scowls at him. Puck smiles.
“Seriously, Berry. Take a fucking breath and tell me why you are freaking out.”
He is taken off guard when she opens her mouth but nothing comes out. Rachel stands there looking indecisive and unsure of herself, and Puck is pretty sure that this is what flabbergasted feels like. He’s about to grab her by the arm and haul her off somewhere to make her talk (or kiss her -- that’s always an option too) when the auditorium doors burst open and people start pouring into the lobby. (Apparently the encore’s encore has officially ended.)
Finn is one of the first people out the door -- and it is pretty clear that he’s looking for Rachel. When he sees her standing with Puck, though, he changes course quickly and heads directly for the bus. Rachel’s face falls a little, but she makes no move to follow him. (This makes him grin a little, and Puck wonders if he has now managed to turn into an even bigger asshole than he was 5 minutes ago).
Rachel’s not sure what is making her feel more overwhelmed -- the small fact that she has been sexing up the competition or the rather big fact that Noah just followed her out of an auditorium to make sure she was ok. (Rachel really hopes that she has not been misusing the phrase sexing up. Mercedes swore that it doesn’t always indicate intercourse.)
She’s about to say something (though she’s not remotely sure what), when Quinn slowly approaches them with a look on her face that makes it clear that Puck is about to get another “Are You Good Enough To Be The Daddy” tests. His face immediately shutters as he tries to hide the longing she can clearly see in his eyes. (This makes her heart hurt a little -- which is, of course, ridiculous.) She doesn’t need to stay to watch this, and besides she needs to make her escape. (What was she thinking staying in this lobby in plain sight for so long?)
“I’ll just leave you two alone”
Noah (Puck?) makes no move to stop her, and she’s halfway to the bus when she hears someone calling her name. At first, she is so sure it is Noah, that she turns to answer it with a smile. But then she sees someone else entirely, and she remembers why she was feeling so panicked 10 minutes ago. She can’t let everyone see her talking to him. They already hate her enough as it is.
He runs up to her, still in his costume and clearly out of breath. Rachel tries not to smile at how cute his curly hair is, messy and sweaty from the show he just put on. She tries not to light up on the inside at how incredibly happy he looks to see her. And she tries to ignore the stares that she can feel coming from the Glee members that have already boarded the bus (thank god Noah is still in the lobby). But then he reaches over and grabs her hand.
“Rach! This is awesome! I can’t believe you are here. You have to come meet my friends. They think I made you up.”
He shoots her a sheepish grin as he tugs at her hand, pulling her back towards the building. Rachel tries to recover from her shock.
He’s really happy to see her.
He’s holding her hand.
He’s told his friends about her.
Rachel glances back at the bus before looking at him (and all that shining acceptance on his face). And then she grins.
“Oh, what the fuck.”
****
And that? That’s how Rachel unexpectedly ended up as the girlfriend of some curly headed asshole.