[Harry Potter] [Godric/OMC] We Drink & We Dance.
Title: We Drink & We Dance.
Summary: A series of connected drabbles/ficlets about Thor the Swedish Sex God and Godric.
Characters/Pairings: Godric Gryffindor, Salazar Slytherin, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, OMC, Godric/OMC
Genre: AU, romance
Rating/Warnings: R, swearing, implied sexual relations with that woman, attempted drunken kidnappings.
Medium: ...Technically a fic, I guess?
Word Count: 2349
Note: Thor happened because I met a guy called Thor, and I mentioned him on twitter and then we decided Godric would totally date a Thor. So here's Thor. Let's all ignore the fact that the Swedish form of Thor is 'Tor'.
1.
It starts as a ponderance.
"If his name is Thor," Helga says, squinting at the man they've been spying on for the majority of the evening. It's his own fault, Godric thinks, because he's probably about fifty feet tall (about 6'4" is Salazar's bet, but he's always too practical) and you can't help but spy on somebody that tall. "Do you reckon he's got a big dick?"
"What do those things even have to do with each other?" Salazar says.
"I think he's probably a porn star," Godric says, at the same time. "And I bet his real name is something like Eugene."
"I'd do a Eugene," Rowena chimes in, slicking back her hair and looking over at Thor. "His name might not even be Thor, maybe it's a nickname."
"Which makes it even more likely that he's got a big dick," Helga points out. "I think we should find out. Salazar, you look like a surveyor or something, you should go and ask about his cock size."
"Why me?" There's a huff of breath from Helga, like she thinks Salazar is missing the point on purpose.
"You're wearing a suit," Helga says. "And it's you or Godric and Godric would just grope him."
"Groping would get you your answer." Godric beams, already pushing his chair back. It catches on a joint in the floorboards and nearly sends him sprawling across the floor. "Let Godric go."
"You're bailing him out of prison again," Rowena says, with a sigh. For a moment, Helga thinks that maybe she should call this off, because maybe someone actually will end up in prison, but Godric's already weaving his way towards Thor's table, and seems pretty intent on his mission.
It'll do him good, she thinks, if he ends up in prison for the night.
2.
"Your name's Thor, right?" Godric says, leaning his hip against the table. Thor, with his tall blondiness looks up at him, all grey eyed and pretty and laughs. "'Cause my mates over heard your name and we were wondering if you were a porn star or something."
"It's the name my Mamma gave me," Thor says. His wallet sits on the table and he reaches for it, flipping it open and pulling out his drivers license. Sure enough, when Godric squints he can make out the letters, T-H-O-R and then a bunch of nonsense, some foreign letters with funny shapes.
"Are you, like, from an Empire of Gods, or something?" The license lands in the middle of the table, half way between Godric and Thor's lady friend, the one with the hair brighter than Helga's.
"Sweden," Thor says.
"Close enough." He pauses, turns to grin over his shoulder at the woman for a second, before turning back to Thor. "Second question. Can I see your hammer?"
3.
In the morning, Godric will think back on his evening and know he's missing certain, possibly valuable, parts.
He'll remember debating the possibility of Thor having a big cock and being a porn star. He won't remember how he ended up in the bathroom of the bar, snogging Thor like his life depended on it, with those giant hands wrapped around his hips.
He'll remember Salazar walking in on them, mostly because of the imaginative insults he came up with and the way Thor pressed his face into Godric's neck to laugh.
He won't remember Thor slipping his phone number into his back pocket, not until he loses his keys three days later.
4.
"Is this going to be no strings attached, or, or-" Thor pauses for a moment, his shirt half unbuttoned. "Or strings attached?"
"To be fair, I doubt I'll remember much of this in the morning," Godric mumbles, half way through attempting to climb Thor like a tree. "Probably your abs. Not how you got here, though. How did you get here?"
"You found me waiting for a bus," Thor says, shirt still not fully unbuttoned, or, more importantly, still not off. "And decided to kidnap me."
"I kidnapped you?"
"You tried," Thor laughs, and his chest shakes with the movement of it, and his shirt slips and Godric's already forgotten what they're talking about because suddenly there's a clavicle and it's a very nice clavicle and he'd like to bite it. "You didn't factor in the fact you're short."
"I'm five-nine," Godric snaps, making sure his teeth catch on the edge of Thor's collar bone. "That is the average height of an English male. You - you, you, Thor, you are a giant. I asked wikipedia, and, it says in Sweden the average is only five-eleven and a half, so you're abnormal."
"I see," Thor says. "You asked Wikipedia?"
"Yes," Godric says. "Now shut up and get naked."
5.
Godric wakes up to Thor painstakingly organizing his socks. He rolls onto his stomach, takes note of the fact he's still wearing trousers and risks a glance at the organizational scheme. It seems to be by colours, with a special line for socks with days of the week on.
"Good morning," Thor says, glancing over his shoulder. There's two empty mugs by his feet, and Godric wonders how long he's been awake for. "What do you remember from last night?" Godric takes a moment, presses his eyes shut and his face into the pillow.
"Abs," he says, voice muffled. "And wikipedia. Why were we on wikipedia?"
"You told me to get naked." The sock drawer snicks closed and Godric feels the bed shift as Thor sits on the edge of it. "And then you decided that that plan was stupid and decided to prove I was abnormal. Somehow, we ended up looking at the wikipedia page for scissoring. And then we looked at the page for Mozambique."
"Interesting," Godric says. "I'm a mother fucking party animal, don't you know?"
"I do now." Thor laughs, and the bed shifts again. Godric rolls, rolling straight into a wall of Swedish sex god. He thinks so, at least, considering he hasn't verified the sex god part. He opens his eyes, squinting up at Thor with his scrunched up laughing face and ponders his headache.
He figures maybe he'll just google it later.
6.
"Why do you have a sword hanging above your bed?" Thor asks, when Godric finally decides to - quite literally - roll out of bed. "Do I even want to know the answer?"
"It's there in case I ever need to protect my honour," Godric says, from the floor. "Or my sister's. She said she'd hit me if I ever tried though."
"Your honour," Thor says. "With a sword."
"I was drunk when I bought it." Godric stands up as he talks, leans himself against the chest of drawers and runs a hand through his hair. "There's a reason I now hide my wallet if I'm going to be drinking at home. The internet lures me in and then I end up buying swords."
"It could have been worse," Thor says. "And I'm kind of jealous. I only have a blow up hammer from the fair."
7.
Helga's squinting at him like she's trying to decipher something, her glass of some noxious, highly alcohol concoction firmly in her hand.
"You shagged someone last night, didn't you?" She says, finally, twirling the swizzle stick around the glass. "You've got that look on your face."
"No," Godric replies, and takes a sip of his own drink. He doesn't actually know what it is; he'd let Helga order it after all. "I woke up with my pants and my trousers on, in my own bed."
"Did you make Salazar cry?" The glass gets set down on the bar, and Helga crosses her arms over her chest. "What's making you happy?"
"Can't I just be happy?" Godric frowns, and hopes his puppy dog eyes still ask.
"No," Helga says, sounding all together much like Rowena. "That would be strange."
8.
When Thor opens his front door without a shirt on, Godric knows that it's going to be a good evening.
"I think you're supposed to stalk people before you kidnap them," Thor says, but he moves to let Godric past anyway. "How did you find me?"
"Not many people called Thor in the phonebook," Godric says. "I couldn't remember your surname so it took me a while, but I was pretty bored."
"So, is this a social call, or?" Godric holds up the carrier bag in his hands, grins wide and bright and tries not to melt when Thor smiles back.
"I bought Chinese. You better like Chinese."
"I love Chinese," Thor says. "Just let me put a shirt on, and-"
"Don't." Godric smirks, and wonders when he learned to do that, and how much of it is Salazar's fault.
9.
Godric had had a plan. The plan had been to bring Thor dinner and seduce him over noodles and prawn toast.
Somewhere along the line, the plan turned into trying to educate Thor on the art of cricket.
"It's a gentleman's sport, Thor," he says, brandishing his chopstick's in Thor's general direction. "For gentlemen who don't think running after a ball in those ugly shorts is worth their time."
"Football's good though." Thor's leaning back in his chair - still shirtless - and smiling. "It's exciting."
"No," Godric says. "It's stupid."
"What about rugby?" Godric thinks for a moment, chin resting on his hand before he nods.
"The sport of God's," he says. "Rugby is good."
10.
Godric wakes up to the sound of someone shouting. It takes him a moment to figure out where he is, and whose bed he's in, but the Swedish flag on the wall gives it away.
The shouting continues. Someone, Thor, he presumes, calls someone else a wanker.
It takes him another, particularly long, moment to get out of the bed. He wraps the duvet around him like a toga before beginning the particularly arduous 'I just woke up' shuffle to the living room.
He's not prepared to find Thor, wearing the tiniest pink underwear Godric has ever seen, shouting at the TV screen with an xbox controller in his hands.
"Good morning," Thor says, over his shoulder. "The fucker won't stay still so I can shoot him."
11.
It takes a month before Godric realizes he can't put a name to the thing between himself and Thor.
"This is Thor," he says, his hand resting on Thor's elbow, and his sister leaning off her stool to shake his hand. "He's my-" He looks at Thor. Thor looks at him.
"I'm his Swede," Thor says, and Godric nods, grinning at Ebba. "He mocks my xbox skills."
"He's my swede, even though I prefer potatoes." Ebba's got her eyebrows raised, practically into her hairline as she leans back against the bar.
"So, are you together?" She says, staring straight at Godric. "Mum'll be happy if you've got a boyfriend, Godric."
"He's my Swede," Godric repeats. He doesn't miss Ebba rolling her eyes.
12.
"You should talk to him," Helga says. Her legs are slung over his, a mug of coffee between her hands. Rowena and Salazar are both looking at them, looks on their faces like they can't understand emotions. Which is bullshit, Godric thinks, because Rowena has the biggest crush on Helga. "Found out what he wants from the relationship."
"It's probably better than charging in blind and stupid," Salazar says. "Like you always do." Godric scowls at him.
"If you're on the same page, then that's good." Helga's staring at him, like she's trying to hypnotise him into talking about his feelings. "But if you're not, you can sort it out before anyone gets hurt."
"Communication is key," Rowena adds, and she's staring too, but with less concern and more like Godric's some kind of experiment. "The foundation to every good relationship."
Sometimes, Godric hates his friends.
13.
For the first time ever, Godric wakes up before Thor. He waits a moment, propped up on his elbow, and looks down at Thor. He's spread out on this back, legs and arms starfished and Godric can see why Thor has a bed that takes up most of his bedroom.
"I can feel you looking at me," Thor says, squinting one eye open. "It's creepy. Are you about to smother me with a pillow?"
"I was reveling in the fact I'm awake before you." He flops back down onto the bed, lands awkwardly on Thor's elbow. "And if I smothered you with a pillow, who would I have to reach things for me?"
"You'd have to invest in a step ladder." Thor pulls his arm out from under Godric, lays it across his shoulders instead. "The horror."
Summary: A series of connected drabbles/ficlets about Thor the Swedish Sex God and Godric.
Characters/Pairings: Godric Gryffindor, Salazar Slytherin, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, OMC, Godric/OMC
Genre: AU, romance
Rating/Warnings: R, swearing, implied sexual relations with that woman, attempted drunken kidnappings.
Medium: ...Technically a fic, I guess?
Word Count: 2349
Note: Thor happened because I met a guy called Thor, and I mentioned him on twitter and then we decided Godric would totally date a Thor. So here's Thor. Let's all ignore the fact that the Swedish form of Thor is 'Tor'.
1.
It starts as a ponderance.
"If his name is Thor," Helga says, squinting at the man they've been spying on for the majority of the evening. It's his own fault, Godric thinks, because he's probably about fifty feet tall (about 6'4" is Salazar's bet, but he's always too practical) and you can't help but spy on somebody that tall. "Do you reckon he's got a big dick?"
"What do those things even have to do with each other?" Salazar says.
"I think he's probably a porn star," Godric says, at the same time. "And I bet his real name is something like Eugene."
"I'd do a Eugene," Rowena chimes in, slicking back her hair and looking over at Thor. "His name might not even be Thor, maybe it's a nickname."
"Which makes it even more likely that he's got a big dick," Helga points out. "I think we should find out. Salazar, you look like a surveyor or something, you should go and ask about his cock size."
"Why me?" There's a huff of breath from Helga, like she thinks Salazar is missing the point on purpose.
"You're wearing a suit," Helga says. "And it's you or Godric and Godric would just grope him."
"Groping would get you your answer." Godric beams, already pushing his chair back. It catches on a joint in the floorboards and nearly sends him sprawling across the floor. "Let Godric go."
"You're bailing him out of prison again," Rowena says, with a sigh. For a moment, Helga thinks that maybe she should call this off, because maybe someone actually will end up in prison, but Godric's already weaving his way towards Thor's table, and seems pretty intent on his mission.
It'll do him good, she thinks, if he ends up in prison for the night.
2.
"Your name's Thor, right?" Godric says, leaning his hip against the table. Thor, with his tall blondiness looks up at him, all grey eyed and pretty and laughs. "'Cause my mates over heard your name and we were wondering if you were a porn star or something."
"It's the name my Mamma gave me," Thor says. His wallet sits on the table and he reaches for it, flipping it open and pulling out his drivers license. Sure enough, when Godric squints he can make out the letters, T-H-O-R and then a bunch of nonsense, some foreign letters with funny shapes.
"Are you, like, from an Empire of Gods, or something?" The license lands in the middle of the table, half way between Godric and Thor's lady friend, the one with the hair brighter than Helga's.
"Sweden," Thor says.
"Close enough." He pauses, turns to grin over his shoulder at the woman for a second, before turning back to Thor. "Second question. Can I see your hammer?"
3.
In the morning, Godric will think back on his evening and know he's missing certain, possibly valuable, parts.
He'll remember debating the possibility of Thor having a big cock and being a porn star. He won't remember how he ended up in the bathroom of the bar, snogging Thor like his life depended on it, with those giant hands wrapped around his hips.
He'll remember Salazar walking in on them, mostly because of the imaginative insults he came up with and the way Thor pressed his face into Godric's neck to laugh.
He won't remember Thor slipping his phone number into his back pocket, not until he loses his keys three days later.
4.
"Is this going to be no strings attached, or, or-" Thor pauses for a moment, his shirt half unbuttoned. "Or strings attached?"
"To be fair, I doubt I'll remember much of this in the morning," Godric mumbles, half way through attempting to climb Thor like a tree. "Probably your abs. Not how you got here, though. How did you get here?"
"You found me waiting for a bus," Thor says, shirt still not fully unbuttoned, or, more importantly, still not off. "And decided to kidnap me."
"I kidnapped you?"
"You tried," Thor laughs, and his chest shakes with the movement of it, and his shirt slips and Godric's already forgotten what they're talking about because suddenly there's a clavicle and it's a very nice clavicle and he'd like to bite it. "You didn't factor in the fact you're short."
"I'm five-nine," Godric snaps, making sure his teeth catch on the edge of Thor's collar bone. "That is the average height of an English male. You - you, you, Thor, you are a giant. I asked wikipedia, and, it says in Sweden the average is only five-eleven and a half, so you're abnormal."
"I see," Thor says. "You asked Wikipedia?"
"Yes," Godric says. "Now shut up and get naked."
5.
Godric wakes up to Thor painstakingly organizing his socks. He rolls onto his stomach, takes note of the fact he's still wearing trousers and risks a glance at the organizational scheme. It seems to be by colours, with a special line for socks with days of the week on.
"Good morning," Thor says, glancing over his shoulder. There's two empty mugs by his feet, and Godric wonders how long he's been awake for. "What do you remember from last night?" Godric takes a moment, presses his eyes shut and his face into the pillow.
"Abs," he says, voice muffled. "And wikipedia. Why were we on wikipedia?"
"You told me to get naked." The sock drawer snicks closed and Godric feels the bed shift as Thor sits on the edge of it. "And then you decided that that plan was stupid and decided to prove I was abnormal. Somehow, we ended up looking at the wikipedia page for scissoring. And then we looked at the page for Mozambique."
"Interesting," Godric says. "I'm a mother fucking party animal, don't you know?"
"I do now." Thor laughs, and the bed shifts again. Godric rolls, rolling straight into a wall of Swedish sex god. He thinks so, at least, considering he hasn't verified the sex god part. He opens his eyes, squinting up at Thor with his scrunched up laughing face and ponders his headache.
He figures maybe he'll just google it later.
6.
"Why do you have a sword hanging above your bed?" Thor asks, when Godric finally decides to - quite literally - roll out of bed. "Do I even want to know the answer?"
"It's there in case I ever need to protect my honour," Godric says, from the floor. "Or my sister's. She said she'd hit me if I ever tried though."
"Your honour," Thor says. "With a sword."
"I was drunk when I bought it." Godric stands up as he talks, leans himself against the chest of drawers and runs a hand through his hair. "There's a reason I now hide my wallet if I'm going to be drinking at home. The internet lures me in and then I end up buying swords."
"It could have been worse," Thor says. "And I'm kind of jealous. I only have a blow up hammer from the fair."
7.
Helga's squinting at him like she's trying to decipher something, her glass of some noxious, highly alcohol concoction firmly in her hand.
"You shagged someone last night, didn't you?" She says, finally, twirling the swizzle stick around the glass. "You've got that look on your face."
"No," Godric replies, and takes a sip of his own drink. He doesn't actually know what it is; he'd let Helga order it after all. "I woke up with my pants and my trousers on, in my own bed."
"Did you make Salazar cry?" The glass gets set down on the bar, and Helga crosses her arms over her chest. "What's making you happy?"
"Can't I just be happy?" Godric frowns, and hopes his puppy dog eyes still ask.
"No," Helga says, sounding all together much like Rowena. "That would be strange."
8.
When Thor opens his front door without a shirt on, Godric knows that it's going to be a good evening.
"I think you're supposed to stalk people before you kidnap them," Thor says, but he moves to let Godric past anyway. "How did you find me?"
"Not many people called Thor in the phonebook," Godric says. "I couldn't remember your surname so it took me a while, but I was pretty bored."
"So, is this a social call, or?" Godric holds up the carrier bag in his hands, grins wide and bright and tries not to melt when Thor smiles back.
"I bought Chinese. You better like Chinese."
"I love Chinese," Thor says. "Just let me put a shirt on, and-"
"Don't." Godric smirks, and wonders when he learned to do that, and how much of it is Salazar's fault.
9.
Godric had had a plan. The plan had been to bring Thor dinner and seduce him over noodles and prawn toast.
Somewhere along the line, the plan turned into trying to educate Thor on the art of cricket.
"It's a gentleman's sport, Thor," he says, brandishing his chopstick's in Thor's general direction. "For gentlemen who don't think running after a ball in those ugly shorts is worth their time."
"Football's good though." Thor's leaning back in his chair - still shirtless - and smiling. "It's exciting."
"No," Godric says. "It's stupid."
"What about rugby?" Godric thinks for a moment, chin resting on his hand before he nods.
"The sport of God's," he says. "Rugby is good."
10.
Godric wakes up to the sound of someone shouting. It takes him a moment to figure out where he is, and whose bed he's in, but the Swedish flag on the wall gives it away.
The shouting continues. Someone, Thor, he presumes, calls someone else a wanker.
It takes him another, particularly long, moment to get out of the bed. He wraps the duvet around him like a toga before beginning the particularly arduous 'I just woke up' shuffle to the living room.
He's not prepared to find Thor, wearing the tiniest pink underwear Godric has ever seen, shouting at the TV screen with an xbox controller in his hands.
"Good morning," Thor says, over his shoulder. "The fucker won't stay still so I can shoot him."
11.
It takes a month before Godric realizes he can't put a name to the thing between himself and Thor.
"This is Thor," he says, his hand resting on Thor's elbow, and his sister leaning off her stool to shake his hand. "He's my-" He looks at Thor. Thor looks at him.
"I'm his Swede," Thor says, and Godric nods, grinning at Ebba. "He mocks my xbox skills."
"He's my swede, even though I prefer potatoes." Ebba's got her eyebrows raised, practically into her hairline as she leans back against the bar.
"So, are you together?" She says, staring straight at Godric. "Mum'll be happy if you've got a boyfriend, Godric."
"He's my Swede," Godric repeats. He doesn't miss Ebba rolling her eyes.
12.
"You should talk to him," Helga says. Her legs are slung over his, a mug of coffee between her hands. Rowena and Salazar are both looking at them, looks on their faces like they can't understand emotions. Which is bullshit, Godric thinks, because Rowena has the biggest crush on Helga. "Found out what he wants from the relationship."
"It's probably better than charging in blind and stupid," Salazar says. "Like you always do." Godric scowls at him.
"If you're on the same page, then that's good." Helga's staring at him, like she's trying to hypnotise him into talking about his feelings. "But if you're not, you can sort it out before anyone gets hurt."
"Communication is key," Rowena adds, and she's staring too, but with less concern and more like Godric's some kind of experiment. "The foundation to every good relationship."
Sometimes, Godric hates his friends.
13.
For the first time ever, Godric wakes up before Thor. He waits a moment, propped up on his elbow, and looks down at Thor. He's spread out on this back, legs and arms starfished and Godric can see why Thor has a bed that takes up most of his bedroom.
"I can feel you looking at me," Thor says, squinting one eye open. "It's creepy. Are you about to smother me with a pillow?"
"I was reveling in the fact I'm awake before you." He flops back down onto the bed, lands awkwardly on Thor's elbow. "And if I smothered you with a pillow, who would I have to reach things for me?"
"You'd have to invest in a step ladder." Thor pulls his arm out from under Godric, lays it across his shoulders instead. "The horror."