(no subject)
I doubt you'll ever see this. If you do, I don't mean to make you feel worse but I'm scared of you. You've hurt me so much and I don't want to be hurt anymore. I hope that you understand that. When you keep touching the hot oven d you realize the oven will always burn you, you learn not to touch it. Forgiveness is a complicated thing. I'm not sure I can truly forgive you. I surface forgive you knowing you're a complex human being and you've inherited possibly genes that lead you to lack empathy, patience and understanding as well as being raised in an environment that lead you to possibly not receive the patience and empathy you should have. It's possibly both because knowing you were raised in a poor environment itself doesn't give you an excuse to repeat the behavior you didn't like to receive.People rise about it everyday. I just am scared of you. Do you understand that? I want to be myself and love myself and not have someone pulling me down and emotionally abusing me and I know you can't escape the maze of abuse you are in. I'll continue to be a victim if I stay here. I'm sorry that you made the choices that you have made but we can't foster any kind of positive relationship together anymore, and we couldn't really in an honest way after the faulty beginning that we had. I do feel this was mostly all your fault as I wasn't really given a chance
to even disappoint you. I think I was in a place I would have at least tried hard with you but I'm not perfect. I've never been a perfect gf and I've also caused people pain in the past. Maybe it's my karma, but I didn't get a fair shot with you. And that's just it. We don't have the foundations to build anything healthy together.
Looking back on our past is witnessing a ball of trauma. I hope you can understand all this and I hope that you will let me be someone free to be myself and live my life and give me the freedom to love myself for who I am and possibly find someone who is willing to love me for who I am too.
to even disappoint you. I think I was in a place I would have at least tried hard with you but I'm not perfect. I've never been a perfect gf and I've also caused people pain in the past. Maybe it's my karma, but I didn't get a fair shot with you. And that's just it. We don't have the foundations to build anything healthy together.
Looking back on our past is witnessing a ball of trauma. I hope you can understand all this and I hope that you will let me be someone free to be myself and live my life and give me the freedom to love myself for who I am and possibly find someone who is willing to love me for who I am too.