last night! woah!
last night was a big success! it was awesome, and it was fun! i'm so glad estrellita enjoyed herself! i totally went all out for her. i decorated the place, and i made food, and i fuckin' cleaned! woah!
i got closer to a few people....me and brenda love each other, and she is like my sister, and that be so awesome.
me and JT got a little closer, and that was awesome....i'm glad he feels comfortable with me to be able to open up to me.
me and troy got a little closer with the ride to wal-mart and mcdonald's, and that was awesome.
sadly, though, i think i made things worse for another friend....i really did want things to be cool, but apparently, i was just to drunk and too blunt....(if you ever read this, i'm sorry)....i felt some hurtful things were said to me, and it makes me sad, i'm sad that he has lost all faith in the world because of a few bad experiences, and i'm sad that he is a bitter person because i know what an awesome dude he is, its just that right now (esp. last night) he was a bit of an ass....i'm sorry that for a little bit, i lost my faith as well....
i kinda feel like that right now, you know....i kinda feel sad, because things just make me feel useless, ugly, and not worth a person's time....i'm sad that some people assume things about me and are so judgemental, especially when i thought that person was the least judgemental
as much of a great time i had last night, i woke up kinda sad (it could have been the headache and the fact that my apt. was completely trashed and i had to clean all over again)....i woke up sad thinking about the conversations i had with him last night, and how cold and maybe even heartless he was....i woke up thinking alot about my brother.
talking about my brother is hard now....and i don't really understand why, because i've always felt fine about him....i don't feel that its right to cry about it now, when i couldn't even cry about it when it actually happened....i feel selfish for wanting to talk to him now that he is permanently gone, when i could have talked to him when he was alive....i know that if he were alive, that him and i still would hardly talk....birthdays, christmases, and new years....those were the few times we talked....and its bad of me to miss him now, when i didn't miss him when he was alive....i don't know how to explain it.
brenda: we totally need to do this again!
but i think i'm gonna stop now.
i got closer to a few people....me and brenda love each other, and she is like my sister, and that be so awesome.
me and JT got a little closer, and that was awesome....i'm glad he feels comfortable with me to be able to open up to me.
me and troy got a little closer with the ride to wal-mart and mcdonald's, and that was awesome.
sadly, though, i think i made things worse for another friend....i really did want things to be cool, but apparently, i was just to drunk and too blunt....(if you ever read this, i'm sorry)....i felt some hurtful things were said to me, and it makes me sad, i'm sad that he has lost all faith in the world because of a few bad experiences, and i'm sad that he is a bitter person because i know what an awesome dude he is, its just that right now (esp. last night) he was a bit of an ass....i'm sorry that for a little bit, i lost my faith as well....
i kinda feel like that right now, you know....i kinda feel sad, because things just make me feel useless, ugly, and not worth a person's time....i'm sad that some people assume things about me and are so judgemental, especially when i thought that person was the least judgemental
as much of a great time i had last night, i woke up kinda sad (it could have been the headache and the fact that my apt. was completely trashed and i had to clean all over again)....i woke up sad thinking about the conversations i had with him last night, and how cold and maybe even heartless he was....i woke up thinking alot about my brother.
talking about my brother is hard now....and i don't really understand why, because i've always felt fine about him....i don't feel that its right to cry about it now, when i couldn't even cry about it when it actually happened....i feel selfish for wanting to talk to him now that he is permanently gone, when i could have talked to him when he was alive....i know that if he were alive, that him and i still would hardly talk....birthdays, christmases, and new years....those were the few times we talked....and its bad of me to miss him now, when i didn't miss him when he was alive....i don't know how to explain it.
brenda: we totally need to do this again!
but i think i'm gonna stop now.