(no subject)
at this moment i have no other purpose in life except to pass my social work class....i passed my sociology class with an A (i'm pretty sure at least), my english class with an A (i'm pretty sure, even though i pretty much bullshitted my entire final project), i'm going to pass my photography class with an A (no doubt), and now, i have to pass my Social Work class, and i am way to lazy right now to even try to concentrate on social work. so because i cannot get into school right now, i am wasting my life away at this very moment. "Do you serve a purpose or purposely serve"
i feel like everything is my fault when it comes to certain issues. I feel like i have a big mouth, and i don't mean to. when i talk, i talk, and i state my opinion...i've always felt very outspoken, and i guess that gets me in troubles, and when i get in trouble, apparently i bring certain people down with me. but at the same time, why should i always have to watch what i say. i don't feel comfortable anymore, because i can't be my outspoken, opnionated self.
religion has never been a big issue with me until recently. why should religion be an issue. i've never always agreed with organized religion, because i feel it separates people. each religion says that they are right, but how do they know. why can't i just be as good of a person as i can. have i been a good person? what if I've been making the wrong choices this whole time. i do believe in God and have all kinds of fate in him. i mean, if i didn't, i would be a very bitter bitter person right now. but, what i feel like people are trying to tell me is that it's not good enough. why isn't it good enough? i don't understand? should i read into this? why should i listen to the books telling me these things, when my entire life i've felt that i've been doing the right thing, and i have always been so sure of myself. i feel like God looks out for me. i don't feel like God has ever judged me in a bad way, so why do some people make me feel confused and even bad about certain things? about what i like. about what i believe. about what i listen to. about anything.
in all my life, i have never felt so judged. i am feeling judged by my friends and by my family. i feel like people are assuming too much about me, when in reality they don't even know me. i feel some people assume that i'm just some dumb little oblivious little girl that cannot face reality. i feel that some people assume that i try to ignore "the truth". i feel like some people assume i'm a ditz, and vice versa, i feel some people assume that i'm wise beyond my years, which is so not true.
i feel that he has judged me, in a bad way....and i won't mention his name, because its embarassing to admit that i'm still stuck on him. but i feel like he has the completely wrong image of me. because i talked about Fred, who plays a very big part of who i am and how i've changed since high school, he assumed that i still have feelings for him. because i told him i was scared, he assumed that that meant that if we don't jump into a relationship right now, then my heart will be broken, which i feel is ridiculous, but that's what i think he thinks of me. he doesn't really know me.
i feel judged by some of my friends, who i think feel they can't really trust me anymore. i feel that they think i somehow betrayed them and i don't know what they think, but i don't think its very good.
WTF. why do i suddenly feel like a bad person? why do i feel cornered? WTF.
i feel like everything is my fault when it comes to certain issues. I feel like i have a big mouth, and i don't mean to. when i talk, i talk, and i state my opinion...i've always felt very outspoken, and i guess that gets me in troubles, and when i get in trouble, apparently i bring certain people down with me. but at the same time, why should i always have to watch what i say. i don't feel comfortable anymore, because i can't be my outspoken, opnionated self.
religion has never been a big issue with me until recently. why should religion be an issue. i've never always agreed with organized religion, because i feel it separates people. each religion says that they are right, but how do they know. why can't i just be as good of a person as i can. have i been a good person? what if I've been making the wrong choices this whole time. i do believe in God and have all kinds of fate in him. i mean, if i didn't, i would be a very bitter bitter person right now. but, what i feel like people are trying to tell me is that it's not good enough. why isn't it good enough? i don't understand? should i read into this? why should i listen to the books telling me these things, when my entire life i've felt that i've been doing the right thing, and i have always been so sure of myself. i feel like God looks out for me. i don't feel like God has ever judged me in a bad way, so why do some people make me feel confused and even bad about certain things? about what i like. about what i believe. about what i listen to. about anything.
in all my life, i have never felt so judged. i am feeling judged by my friends and by my family. i feel like people are assuming too much about me, when in reality they don't even know me. i feel some people assume that i'm just some dumb little oblivious little girl that cannot face reality. i feel that some people assume that i try to ignore "the truth". i feel like some people assume i'm a ditz, and vice versa, i feel some people assume that i'm wise beyond my years, which is so not true.
i feel that he has judged me, in a bad way....and i won't mention his name, because its embarassing to admit that i'm still stuck on him. but i feel like he has the completely wrong image of me. because i talked about Fred, who plays a very big part of who i am and how i've changed since high school, he assumed that i still have feelings for him. because i told him i was scared, he assumed that that meant that if we don't jump into a relationship right now, then my heart will be broken, which i feel is ridiculous, but that's what i think he thinks of me. he doesn't really know me.
i feel judged by some of my friends, who i think feel they can't really trust me anymore. i feel that they think i somehow betrayed them and i don't know what they think, but i don't think its very good.
WTF. why do i suddenly feel like a bad person? why do i feel cornered? WTF.