27 and counting.
My last drunken rant from Sept is still exactly how I feel, with a few exceptions.
Kyle and I have been broken up for 2 months now.
This rant is a sober one.
Dont get me wrong the whole first month after I pulled the trigger, I was stupid wasted.
Spent the entire month in a sad whiskey induced coma.
This month has been a little better... not really but Ive been less drunk.
Im just overwhelmingly lonely.
Without Kyle I dont really have much else going on.
I spent so much time and effort into him, and us, and i dont have anything now.
Its like my last break up all over again except Im fucking fat, bitter and almost 30.
Im mad at myself because the last time I promised myself I wouldnt turn my bf's life into my own.
Thats exactly what I did.
Ditched my "friends" now I have no one to hang out with.
Ditched school, now here I am starting over again.
Ditched myself, now I am trying to figure out wtf Im into.
Honestly we did a "questionaire" at work about our likes.
I couldnt answer basic questions (ie: whats youre fav food? whats youre fav color? What do you do for fun?)
I dont fucking know.
You would think I would know since Im really my only friend.
all this fucking time spent alone and im not sure of anything.
I can go either way on every subject.
I keep trying to focus on the future, that used to cheer me up.
my future is bleek.
I should be focusing on me but its too much work.
whats the point.
Kyle and I have been broken up for 2 months now.
This rant is a sober one.
Dont get me wrong the whole first month after I pulled the trigger, I was stupid wasted.
Spent the entire month in a sad whiskey induced coma.
This month has been a little better... not really but Ive been less drunk.
Im just overwhelmingly lonely.
Without Kyle I dont really have much else going on.
I spent so much time and effort into him, and us, and i dont have anything now.
Its like my last break up all over again except Im fucking fat, bitter and almost 30.
Im mad at myself because the last time I promised myself I wouldnt turn my bf's life into my own.
Thats exactly what I did.
Ditched my "friends" now I have no one to hang out with.
Ditched school, now here I am starting over again.
Ditched myself, now I am trying to figure out wtf Im into.
Honestly we did a "questionaire" at work about our likes.
I couldnt answer basic questions (ie: whats youre fav food? whats youre fav color? What do you do for fun?)
I dont fucking know.
You would think I would know since Im really my only friend.
all this fucking time spent alone and im not sure of anything.
I can go either way on every subject.
I keep trying to focus on the future, that used to cheer me up.
my future is bleek.
I should be focusing on me but its too much work.
whats the point.