(Untitled)

[lang_noriegavos]

I woke up in a drug haze in the middle of the night the other night. Everyone was asleep and I didn’t have any idea when they had all gone to bed. I was scared, but I didn't want to wake anyone up because they deserve to not have to deal with me

Comments

[starlightfell]

I almost didn't say anything. There's a part of me that gets really frustrated when you talk about your issues because I've always felt like you've completely glossed over everyone else's so why should I care

[lang_noriegavos]

I have spent all day trying to figure out what to say to you. And it bothered me so much, I am fighting to stay awake. Why are you lecturing me? Why did you jump right in with the criticisms? What did I do?

[starlightfell]

None of what I said to you was a criticism, Lang. Literally nothing.

[lang_noriegavos]

So this "I almost didn't say anything. There's a part of me that gets really frustrated when you talk about your issues because I've always felt like you've completely glossed over everyone else's so why should I care.

But that's what you want. You want us not to care. You want us to not "deserve to deal with you." Or whatever it is you're hoping you can use to justify when people walk away." is supposed to be supportive?

And the rest of it was a lecture because you opened the door and couldn't close it. Don't you think I have heard all of that a thousand times already? I made one, one comment about not liking this drug I'm on because it turns me into a narcoleptic zombie and that automatically means I'm unwilling?

I wasn't including anyone here when I said "my family". People who actually care about me as a human being would have just said "hey, welcome back, glad you're not dead" and left it at that rather than trying to turn this into some kind of teachable moment out of a need to feel right.

[theater_stones]

Don't ever, ever, ever say "they don't deserve ..."

Maybe it's just too personal. But my sister killed herself when we were kids. And she'd say the same thing to me. To all of us. And you know what, to this day, I know that she didn't mean to succeed when she did. She just wanted to sleep.

You will get better. You will get through this. And you and your family will be better for it.

[lang_noriegavos]

I am sorry about your sister. But I believe my family deserves to have just one night where they don't have to worry about me. I'll get by.