go on, let it out.
She’s losing hope. For the first time in her life, she feels damned near hopeless.
The more she reads, the more she realizes that the world turns because of self-interest and greed. She used to believe that there was something good in everyone. She used to feel so strongly that good could always triumph over evil, that good could always outweigh the bad. But now she’s not so sure. Because evil has been on one hell of a winning streak. That’s not to say she doesn’t recognize the people out there dedicating their lives to helping others, she’s just wondering when the powers-that-be will become too strong to fight anymore.
She reads about governments that are slaughtering their own people. Hell, government or not, people are killing each other. Hate is running rampant, and it seems anyone’s willing to sell their soul just to save their skin. She’s so fed up with the world she’s living in.
The rich are getting richer, a large portion due to the exploitation of people on the other side of the world. People they never have to see. People who can’t even afford to buy the products they make. And those in positions of power to do anything bicker amongst themselves about inconsequential details, or look the other way depending on whose pocket they have their hand in.
Children can’t even be innocent anymore. In America, she sees them wanting to be sexy like Britney. They know what “sexy” means. She hears her young cousins talk about how they’d rather die than be fat, and she knows that that same sentiment is shared by the vast majority of girls living in the age of America’s Next Top Model and MTV. She’s not blaming the shows; she knows they’re just a reflection of public demand and mentality. She’s angry that acts of child neglect and molestation are being committed at astronomical rates, yet people and politicians would rather argue that gay marriage is a more threatening issue.
And she knows innocence is not protected in the rest of the world either. She wants to dedicate her life to helping victims of sexual slavery, but she’s so angry that there’s even a demand for such an atrocious thing. She’s horrified that children are bought and sold every damned day to be used as household slaves, or to be used as a sex object until their tiny, fragile bodies that are meant to be protected just can’t take anymore. She cries thinking about how these precious children are robbed of their innocence, their dignity, and in many cases, their lives.
No matter how hard she tries, she doesn’t understand how people do these things to each other. She doesn’t understand why it seems everyone is only looking out for themselves. She can’t comprehend how it seems that people are just looking for reasons not to trust one another, to disconnect. She doesn’t get why people can just look the other way. She can’t figure out why the running theme is “well, it’s not my problem.” Because she can’t look away. Because she feels it is her problem. She can’t stop feeling. And she doesn’t want to.
She doesn’t want to turn a blind eye as people around the world, even in her own city, go hungry. She’s disgusted when she sees ads for a Burger King sandwich with not one, not two, but FOUR genetically engineered processed beef patties stacked on top of one another. She can’t understand why something like that is even in existence and, even worse, marketable. She lives in a country where food, water, products, resources, etc. are completely wasted. Food is thrown away after barely being touched, books that don’t sell get thrown away after their covers are ripped off to be sent back to the publishing company, and sometimes it’s cheaper to trash electronics than send them back to be made into something else. She doesn’t understand why it’s more economic to be wasteful.
And she feels like a cynic when her professor asks the class why humans cooperate. Her immediate response was “people cooperate when it’s in their best interest, when they have something to gain, or when they don’t want to do more work than absolutely necessary.” She hates that she sees the glass as half empty, because not all that long ago, her answer would have been completely different. Maybe ignorance was bliss because she used to believe that people would cooperate for a sense of greater good - for the simple act of helping their fellow human being.
She wonders if she’s fighting a losing battle. She’s scared that one day she’ll be so burned out that she’ll give in to what’s easy. She wonders if she’ll throw in the towel and simply stop trying.
Though her thoughts are generally consumed by the problems of the world, it starts to sink in that her personal life is somewhat of a wreck too.
True, she finally found her sense of self after a long struggle, but damn it’s hard to keep a hold of. She let herself feel love for someone again, but it’s not a simple love, and she doubts it’s returned, but she keeps giving. She keeps trying. She doesn’t know how to stop…to just let go. She tells herself to just let it be. Take a step back and let things happen. But she’s so easily lost in his eyes…She knows it’s self-torture, but she can’t stay away.
And she was so proud of herself for taking control of her life, and taking a large step away from her mother. She refused to be manipulated. She refused to be forced on a guilt trip. But things didn’t get better. She just distanced herself so she didn’t have to deal with it. She hates seeing her dad upset, but she can’t do what he asks. She can’t just “not let it bother” her like he can. She’s stubborn, she’s headstrong and passionate. And she won’t give up when she knows she’s in the right. Which, unfortunately, is the key factor in the deterioration of her relationship with her parents and extended family. Go figure.
She hates feeling lonely, she hates crying about things that are out of her control, but she can’t help it. She’s usually happy, and she loves the friends she has, but sometimes, the dark cloud is overwhelming and she can’t help but feel like the universe thinks her life is a joke.
And that just makes her feel guilty, because she knows how lucky she is to have what she has and be free to be who she is.
As hard as it is, she’s holding on to whatever hope she has left, because deep down inside she still believes that love and good exist in the world. She knows she’s frustrated, but she’ll keep fighting. She’ll keep hoping. And above all else, she’ll keep loving.
The more she reads, the more she realizes that the world turns because of self-interest and greed. She used to believe that there was something good in everyone. She used to feel so strongly that good could always triumph over evil, that good could always outweigh the bad. But now she’s not so sure. Because evil has been on one hell of a winning streak. That’s not to say she doesn’t recognize the people out there dedicating their lives to helping others, she’s just wondering when the powers-that-be will become too strong to fight anymore.
She reads about governments that are slaughtering their own people. Hell, government or not, people are killing each other. Hate is running rampant, and it seems anyone’s willing to sell their soul just to save their skin. She’s so fed up with the world she’s living in.
The rich are getting richer, a large portion due to the exploitation of people on the other side of the world. People they never have to see. People who can’t even afford to buy the products they make. And those in positions of power to do anything bicker amongst themselves about inconsequential details, or look the other way depending on whose pocket they have their hand in.
Children can’t even be innocent anymore. In America, she sees them wanting to be sexy like Britney. They know what “sexy” means. She hears her young cousins talk about how they’d rather die than be fat, and she knows that that same sentiment is shared by the vast majority of girls living in the age of America’s Next Top Model and MTV. She’s not blaming the shows; she knows they’re just a reflection of public demand and mentality. She’s angry that acts of child neglect and molestation are being committed at astronomical rates, yet people and politicians would rather argue that gay marriage is a more threatening issue.
And she knows innocence is not protected in the rest of the world either. She wants to dedicate her life to helping victims of sexual slavery, but she’s so angry that there’s even a demand for such an atrocious thing. She’s horrified that children are bought and sold every damned day to be used as household slaves, or to be used as a sex object until their tiny, fragile bodies that are meant to be protected just can’t take anymore. She cries thinking about how these precious children are robbed of their innocence, their dignity, and in many cases, their lives.
No matter how hard she tries, she doesn’t understand how people do these things to each other. She doesn’t understand why it seems everyone is only looking out for themselves. She can’t comprehend how it seems that people are just looking for reasons not to trust one another, to disconnect. She doesn’t get why people can just look the other way. She can’t figure out why the running theme is “well, it’s not my problem.” Because she can’t look away. Because she feels it is her problem. She can’t stop feeling. And she doesn’t want to.
She doesn’t want to turn a blind eye as people around the world, even in her own city, go hungry. She’s disgusted when she sees ads for a Burger King sandwich with not one, not two, but FOUR genetically engineered processed beef patties stacked on top of one another. She can’t understand why something like that is even in existence and, even worse, marketable. She lives in a country where food, water, products, resources, etc. are completely wasted. Food is thrown away after barely being touched, books that don’t sell get thrown away after their covers are ripped off to be sent back to the publishing company, and sometimes it’s cheaper to trash electronics than send them back to be made into something else. She doesn’t understand why it’s more economic to be wasteful.
And she feels like a cynic when her professor asks the class why humans cooperate. Her immediate response was “people cooperate when it’s in their best interest, when they have something to gain, or when they don’t want to do more work than absolutely necessary.” She hates that she sees the glass as half empty, because not all that long ago, her answer would have been completely different. Maybe ignorance was bliss because she used to believe that people would cooperate for a sense of greater good - for the simple act of helping their fellow human being.
She wonders if she’s fighting a losing battle. She’s scared that one day she’ll be so burned out that she’ll give in to what’s easy. She wonders if she’ll throw in the towel and simply stop trying.
Though her thoughts are generally consumed by the problems of the world, it starts to sink in that her personal life is somewhat of a wreck too.
True, she finally found her sense of self after a long struggle, but damn it’s hard to keep a hold of. She let herself feel love for someone again, but it’s not a simple love, and she doubts it’s returned, but she keeps giving. She keeps trying. She doesn’t know how to stop…to just let go. She tells herself to just let it be. Take a step back and let things happen. But she’s so easily lost in his eyes…She knows it’s self-torture, but she can’t stay away.
And she was so proud of herself for taking control of her life, and taking a large step away from her mother. She refused to be manipulated. She refused to be forced on a guilt trip. But things didn’t get better. She just distanced herself so she didn’t have to deal with it. She hates seeing her dad upset, but she can’t do what he asks. She can’t just “not let it bother” her like he can. She’s stubborn, she’s headstrong and passionate. And she won’t give up when she knows she’s in the right. Which, unfortunately, is the key factor in the deterioration of her relationship with her parents and extended family. Go figure.
She hates feeling lonely, she hates crying about things that are out of her control, but she can’t help it. She’s usually happy, and she loves the friends she has, but sometimes, the dark cloud is overwhelming and she can’t help but feel like the universe thinks her life is a joke.
And that just makes her feel guilty, because she knows how lucky she is to have what she has and be free to be who she is.
As hard as it is, she’s holding on to whatever hope she has left, because deep down inside she still believes that love and good exist in the world. She knows she’s frustrated, but she’ll keep fighting. She’ll keep hoping. And above all else, she’ll keep loving.