Dreaming of dreaming
I recently realized I no longer seem to be able to daydream and fantasize. And I think this is a fatal detriment to living. If I can't visualize and feel my way into a life first imagined then realized, I will stay where I am or perhaps move very slowly, like a sloth bound by it's physiology, to a situation here, or a corner there. The prison of not choosing, looms.
Naturally I feel like day dreaming most, when I can't, like at work. The relative quiet and hum of the office hive encourage inquisitive thoughts; the two monitors stare at me, begging to be asked meaningful questions; creative seeds sprout behind the mundane duties.
At night when I finally go to bed, finally put down what I'm reading, and close my eyes and drift, I catch myself thinking about the day that is gone, replaying the film, lingering on what was or uselessly cycling through the worry list, of all that did and can go wrong. And that foolish waste of my mind, creates nothing but the same.
So I determinedly shut that down, and what I found was blank. If I couldn't worry or dwell on the past, my mind didn't know where to go. Which made me start asking, what are my dreams? What is my ideal place, feeling, person, activity? Where does my mind go for fun or excitement? I'm still working on these answers, so I can fill my resting mind with limitless visions and feelings of joy, peace, love, contentment, awe, health and more. And create That.
I find it funny that I got myself here. Funny that I have to teach myself to let my mind travel the world, create, and experience ever widening vistas or small, silent velvety spaces of peace.
The older I get, I see that for me, relearning what I once knew, is a real theme and challenge. When these times arrive, I look back and see so clearly both how the obscurfication happened and how I would have denied it,(or did deny it) if noticed or pointed out to me, at the time.
Learning to daydream again, can't be that difficult, can it? I see myself as a kid in school, looking out the window, traveling somewhere, I will start there.
Naturally I feel like day dreaming most, when I can't, like at work. The relative quiet and hum of the office hive encourage inquisitive thoughts; the two monitors stare at me, begging to be asked meaningful questions; creative seeds sprout behind the mundane duties.
At night when I finally go to bed, finally put down what I'm reading, and close my eyes and drift, I catch myself thinking about the day that is gone, replaying the film, lingering on what was or uselessly cycling through the worry list, of all that did and can go wrong. And that foolish waste of my mind, creates nothing but the same.
So I determinedly shut that down, and what I found was blank. If I couldn't worry or dwell on the past, my mind didn't know where to go. Which made me start asking, what are my dreams? What is my ideal place, feeling, person, activity? Where does my mind go for fun or excitement? I'm still working on these answers, so I can fill my resting mind with limitless visions and feelings of joy, peace, love, contentment, awe, health and more. And create That.
I find it funny that I got myself here. Funny that I have to teach myself to let my mind travel the world, create, and experience ever widening vistas or small, silent velvety spaces of peace.
The older I get, I see that for me, relearning what I once knew, is a real theme and challenge. When these times arrive, I look back and see so clearly both how the obscurfication happened and how I would have denied it,(or did deny it) if noticed or pointed out to me, at the time.
Learning to daydream again, can't be that difficult, can it? I see myself as a kid in school, looking out the window, traveling somewhere, I will start there.