youre as big as you think you are

[openground]

ive been trying to put my life together
but this may just be another concentrated effort right before i give up
only time will tell. hopefully ill get a job before then.

im planning a trip- something i need
i cant say why i need it. my life isnt stressful, theres no one im trying to escape, and i dont really deserve it. but i need it somehow

i think a lot about picking up and leaving
and i keep having these mini-breakdowns that seem to be happening more frequently.
of course, 'king rides by' doesnt help at all. everytime i hear it i burst into tears.
whether im thinking about it or not.

you know, i stopped wearing makeup because i thought people should accept me with all my flaws.
not because i got lazy. but im realizing that this is impossible. i just wanted people to see me and not my glossy lipstick or smokey eyes. but people dont see me. i guess ill have to change my tactic.
its just a big disappointment that ive got to alter my face if im to be noticed..
~
there is a ween show in less than a month.
i hope to god and everything holy i will be able to go.