11:58
Someone screams "oh my god, it's 11:58! turn on the TV."
Previously, it hadn't yet occurred to me that the year was ending.
Probably because I've had a bit to drink tonight. But mostly because it's just another year to me.
As a friend so appropriately said at that moment in a text from twenty miles away
"i don't feel any different."
But then I was struck with a sudden sense of optimism.
A fluttering warmth seeped through me. I felt a light sense in my stomach.
Like the first time I kissed the first girl I wanted to kiss forever.
Or the first time I ever touched a guitar and knew that's what I wanted in life.
Or the first time I ever felt the faint whisper of God, and knew I wasn't alone.
And the next thing I knew, I was shouting out "Ten... nine..."
I realized I'd been drinking too much the last couple weeks.
I realized that I'd been trying too hard to find the right girl, rather than let God take care of that for me.
I realized that I'd wasted the last couple months of my life doing nothing but having fun.
I realized that I was ready to start being a man.
I realized I wanted to have a child someday. And a family.
And we'd have strange little family traditions.
Like racing to see who could hang up the most christmas tree ornaments.
Or going out to the pumpkin patch every year to pick out a pumpkin for halloween.
Or getting in loud and unnecessary arguments at the dinner table every thanksgiving.
I realized that I won't be in love again until God wants me to be, so I shouldn't rush it.
And mostly I realized everything's going to be OK.
And it doesn't matter if it's the start of a new year, or just the start of a new day.
Something's different.
Maybe everything's different.
And I feel like I'm ready to begin the greatest adventure any man can unfold.
And that is becoming a man in and of itself.
Previously, it hadn't yet occurred to me that the year was ending.
Probably because I've had a bit to drink tonight. But mostly because it's just another year to me.
As a friend so appropriately said at that moment in a text from twenty miles away
"i don't feel any different."
But then I was struck with a sudden sense of optimism.
A fluttering warmth seeped through me. I felt a light sense in my stomach.
Like the first time I kissed the first girl I wanted to kiss forever.
Or the first time I ever touched a guitar and knew that's what I wanted in life.
Or the first time I ever felt the faint whisper of God, and knew I wasn't alone.
And the next thing I knew, I was shouting out "Ten... nine..."
I realized I'd been drinking too much the last couple weeks.
I realized that I'd been trying too hard to find the right girl, rather than let God take care of that for me.
I realized that I'd wasted the last couple months of my life doing nothing but having fun.
I realized that I was ready to start being a man.
I realized I wanted to have a child someday. And a family.
And we'd have strange little family traditions.
Like racing to see who could hang up the most christmas tree ornaments.
Or going out to the pumpkin patch every year to pick out a pumpkin for halloween.
Or getting in loud and unnecessary arguments at the dinner table every thanksgiving.
I realized that I won't be in love again until God wants me to be, so I shouldn't rush it.
And mostly I realized everything's going to be OK.
And it doesn't matter if it's the start of a new year, or just the start of a new day.
Something's different.
Maybe everything's different.
And I feel like I'm ready to begin the greatest adventure any man can unfold.
And that is becoming a man in and of itself.