hi
Okay ... go ahead ... be mad at me ... I realize it has been two months since I posted. I haven't forgotten about you - the probably two people who ever read this - it's just ... well ... my life was in shambles for a while. Still kinda is, I'm trying to piece everything back together as we speak. So I laugh when I go back to my old entries ... because all of the second guessing that I do ... it's all true.
June 19th: "This stress is killing me. Literally, I think I have an ulcer or something. I'm doing random Free-lance work here and there, haven't gotten paid from any of it yet - and commuting to Atlanta for most of it is sucking me dry money-wise due to gas prices.
I keep bouncing between wondering if I should do Free-lance work or if I should find a 9-5 job with some production company. I've been told the way to get into making like motion picture movies is to go with the free-lance thing. But like I woke up today realizing I was all alone in the apartment and it's hard because I don't have to work today. I can't manage to entertain myself. So 9-5 would put me working the same time other people are and home the same time as well. But it probably won't get me to Hollywood.
Which is another thing, I don't know about Hollywood either.
Sometimes I wonder if this was the right career path for me.
Would I be happier just flowing along working some 9-5 in an office doing paperwork? Probably not, but I haven't gotten to anything production-wise that makes me sure that this is what I want to do either."
So much has happened since I last posted. Biggest thing ... I didn't move to Atlanta. I decided to stay in Athens. Around the end of July, I had lunch with a friend, Nicki, who was in a similar situation as I was. She was a sports business major who had graduated along with myself and did not have a job lined up and needed to figure out where she was going to be before her lease ran out. We had tea and talked it over, we were both in bad places ... but made the decision that we would stay here in Athens and live together. That way I could still commute to Norcross and to Atlanta if I had a job come up, which I felt more secure with because the idea of moving to such an expensive city like Atlanta, without some kind of stable income lined up was really getting to me.
So I signed a lease to stay in Athens for another year. Then I stopped going to Norcross ... I realized that it wasn't making me happy. I started waiting tables at Ruby Tuesday's so that I could occupy my time and not be so lonely and waiting around for Richard to finish class every afternoon. Then I did some real soul searching. It was hard.
I really had to figure out what I wanted. I was depressed; really I still am, but things are looking a little better, but I'm still not the person I was 6 months ago. I want that Shannon back. I pretty much had stopped eating - my stomach hurt too much for me to even think ... I dropped 15 pounds. I've been crying, everyday, sometimes more than once. My mom is worried that I need "medical" help.
My parents came up to Athens to help me move into my new place here and the moment they walked in my door I broke down crying. All I could say to my mom was that I wanted to go home, back to Columbus with them, that I didn't want to do "this" anymore, I wanted to crawl up in my bed and let someone else figure my life out for me.
I think my biggest issue was that I was regretting the career field I had chosen. I felt like I had made the biggest mistake, that I had been misled, that no one really told me what I was getting myself into trying to make a life out of this career. I started regretting the fact that I had changed my major, I came to UGA with the intention of being a teacher ... I began thinking that that would have ultimately been a better choice for me ... and why hadn't I stayed with that. So I started thinking, I found the Teach for America website ... where they will train you over the course of a summer to teach - you just have to commit two years to them. Talked to my mom about it and her concern was that I wouldn't be qualified enough to really continue teaching after I had served my two years. So she mentioned going back to school.
I really started thinking about that. The biggest concern was that the Production job field really offers no security or job placement. You are not guaranteed a job once you graduate and there's no real placement services ... it's all about the people that you know, and if you don't know anyone then you are SOL. Also, there are limited places where Production is really profitable so I would be forced to live in certain areas; mainly Atlanta, New York or LA. I'm not completely against those places; I just realized that I like suburbia too much. I like being near cities but I couldn't imagine sitting in Atlanta traffic for three hours a day just because that's the way it is and I happened to work for a company in downtown. My mom thought maybe I could go back to school and get a business or accounting degree because you could go to almost anywhere with any company because they will always need accounting people. But that idea didn't pan out - one, because I wasn't really interested in that and two, there would be way too much math that I would have to make up for. I hadn't taken a math class since my first semester here ... four years ago.
So I really started thinking about when I was happiest. What would make me happy again? I had become disappointed with the production career because it wasn't what I expected. I didn't enjoy anything I was doing anymore. I didn't like video-taping people talk about power points, I didn't like interviewing people about why John Weiland deserved the "Four Pillars" award, I didn't like sitting on a studio set watching people drop bacon on a Sonic chicken wrap for six hours. I was disappointed that nothing was turning out how I had expected. My mom kept asking me what I thought "it" was going to be like and for the longest time I couldn't tell her an answer. I didn't know. Then I figured it out. I thought it was going to be like college, I would be out there running around making "stupid little student films". But it wasn't that; it wasn't anything near that. But that's when I was happiest, then and in high school ... working in the Theatre.
I realized that's what I wanted ... I wanted to go back to the days when I was happy and carefree. Even though I liked to pretend that I was stressed out and at the end of my rope. I loved every minute of it.
So to make the rest of my long story short, I'm going back to school. It's too late for me to start a program this semester, I didn't decide soon enough and the paperwork wouldn't have enough time to go through - especially considering that classes started already so if things go as I hope ::crosses fingers:: then I can take a few online courses this semester, take five English courses next spring and over the summer and then I can apply to the Master's program for English Education and hopefully start in the fall. That's the plan. I'm going to be a high school English teacher. And hopefully maybe teach a class or two in video production, and be involved in the Theatre department. It's what will make me happy. I know my dad and Richard are worried that I'm "giving up on my dream" ... but honestly ... I don't think Hollywood is my dream anymore. I'm not the type of person who is willing to pick up and move out to LA and live in my car for 3 months until I make it big. I can't do that.
So now I'm waiting out my time until I can get back to taking classes. It's hard to be in Athens and not be a student. It's such a college town that it makes no sense to be here and not be studying something. To just be working ... it's odd.
Okay so there was a lot more to this story, what I'm up to now, a bunch of stuff with Richard and I (nothing really bad - just stuff) and more about my decision and second guessing a bunch of things which I do all of the time. But anyway - this entry has been a work in progress for like the last two hours and I just want to get away from it at this point. More soon.
June 19th: "This stress is killing me. Literally, I think I have an ulcer or something. I'm doing random Free-lance work here and there, haven't gotten paid from any of it yet - and commuting to Atlanta for most of it is sucking me dry money-wise due to gas prices.
I keep bouncing between wondering if I should do Free-lance work or if I should find a 9-5 job with some production company. I've been told the way to get into making like motion picture movies is to go with the free-lance thing. But like I woke up today realizing I was all alone in the apartment and it's hard because I don't have to work today. I can't manage to entertain myself. So 9-5 would put me working the same time other people are and home the same time as well. But it probably won't get me to Hollywood.
Which is another thing, I don't know about Hollywood either.
Sometimes I wonder if this was the right career path for me.
Would I be happier just flowing along working some 9-5 in an office doing paperwork? Probably not, but I haven't gotten to anything production-wise that makes me sure that this is what I want to do either."
So much has happened since I last posted. Biggest thing ... I didn't move to Atlanta. I decided to stay in Athens. Around the end of July, I had lunch with a friend, Nicki, who was in a similar situation as I was. She was a sports business major who had graduated along with myself and did not have a job lined up and needed to figure out where she was going to be before her lease ran out. We had tea and talked it over, we were both in bad places ... but made the decision that we would stay here in Athens and live together. That way I could still commute to Norcross and to Atlanta if I had a job come up, which I felt more secure with because the idea of moving to such an expensive city like Atlanta, without some kind of stable income lined up was really getting to me.
So I signed a lease to stay in Athens for another year. Then I stopped going to Norcross ... I realized that it wasn't making me happy. I started waiting tables at Ruby Tuesday's so that I could occupy my time and not be so lonely and waiting around for Richard to finish class every afternoon. Then I did some real soul searching. It was hard.
I really had to figure out what I wanted. I was depressed; really I still am, but things are looking a little better, but I'm still not the person I was 6 months ago. I want that Shannon back. I pretty much had stopped eating - my stomach hurt too much for me to even think ... I dropped 15 pounds. I've been crying, everyday, sometimes more than once. My mom is worried that I need "medical" help.
My parents came up to Athens to help me move into my new place here and the moment they walked in my door I broke down crying. All I could say to my mom was that I wanted to go home, back to Columbus with them, that I didn't want to do "this" anymore, I wanted to crawl up in my bed and let someone else figure my life out for me.
I think my biggest issue was that I was regretting the career field I had chosen. I felt like I had made the biggest mistake, that I had been misled, that no one really told me what I was getting myself into trying to make a life out of this career. I started regretting the fact that I had changed my major, I came to UGA with the intention of being a teacher ... I began thinking that that would have ultimately been a better choice for me ... and why hadn't I stayed with that. So I started thinking, I found the Teach for America website ... where they will train you over the course of a summer to teach - you just have to commit two years to them. Talked to my mom about it and her concern was that I wouldn't be qualified enough to really continue teaching after I had served my two years. So she mentioned going back to school.
I really started thinking about that. The biggest concern was that the Production job field really offers no security or job placement. You are not guaranteed a job once you graduate and there's no real placement services ... it's all about the people that you know, and if you don't know anyone then you are SOL. Also, there are limited places where Production is really profitable so I would be forced to live in certain areas; mainly Atlanta, New York or LA. I'm not completely against those places; I just realized that I like suburbia too much. I like being near cities but I couldn't imagine sitting in Atlanta traffic for three hours a day just because that's the way it is and I happened to work for a company in downtown. My mom thought maybe I could go back to school and get a business or accounting degree because you could go to almost anywhere with any company because they will always need accounting people. But that idea didn't pan out - one, because I wasn't really interested in that and two, there would be way too much math that I would have to make up for. I hadn't taken a math class since my first semester here ... four years ago.
So I really started thinking about when I was happiest. What would make me happy again? I had become disappointed with the production career because it wasn't what I expected. I didn't enjoy anything I was doing anymore. I didn't like video-taping people talk about power points, I didn't like interviewing people about why John Weiland deserved the "Four Pillars" award, I didn't like sitting on a studio set watching people drop bacon on a Sonic chicken wrap for six hours. I was disappointed that nothing was turning out how I had expected. My mom kept asking me what I thought "it" was going to be like and for the longest time I couldn't tell her an answer. I didn't know. Then I figured it out. I thought it was going to be like college, I would be out there running around making "stupid little student films". But it wasn't that; it wasn't anything near that. But that's when I was happiest, then and in high school ... working in the Theatre.
I realized that's what I wanted ... I wanted to go back to the days when I was happy and carefree. Even though I liked to pretend that I was stressed out and at the end of my rope. I loved every minute of it.
So to make the rest of my long story short, I'm going back to school. It's too late for me to start a program this semester, I didn't decide soon enough and the paperwork wouldn't have enough time to go through - especially considering that classes started already so if things go as I hope ::crosses fingers:: then I can take a few online courses this semester, take five English courses next spring and over the summer and then I can apply to the Master's program for English Education and hopefully start in the fall. That's the plan. I'm going to be a high school English teacher. And hopefully maybe teach a class or two in video production, and be involved in the Theatre department. It's what will make me happy. I know my dad and Richard are worried that I'm "giving up on my dream" ... but honestly ... I don't think Hollywood is my dream anymore. I'm not the type of person who is willing to pick up and move out to LA and live in my car for 3 months until I make it big. I can't do that.
So now I'm waiting out my time until I can get back to taking classes. It's hard to be in Athens and not be a student. It's such a college town that it makes no sense to be here and not be studying something. To just be working ... it's odd.
Okay so there was a lot more to this story, what I'm up to now, a bunch of stuff with Richard and I (nothing really bad - just stuff) and more about my decision and second guessing a bunch of things which I do all of the time. But anyway - this entry has been a work in progress for like the last two hours and I just want to get away from it at this point. More soon.