Inspiring words
Someone on Model Horse Blab posted this. Somehow I just found it interesting, even if it didn't pertain to me.
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Couple more topics of interest here:
- Virginity. I agree with what my brain sister Cynthia said about the psyche not able to handle sex for some time. My concern for teens is less physical or moral than emotional- sex can really fuck with your head when you are that young, and especially since it seems to often have some odd motive- not as many long term loving relationships when you are sixteen! I don't see any high status accorded to a virgin. it's something each person has to decide for themselves. I don't necessarily think a person should save themselves. I was nineteen when I had my first relationship and sex happened and it helped me know what it should not be.
- Definition of a normal marriage. You know, that's another individual thing. Yet, I hear so much horrible shit going on in people's relationships or marriages on this board that I would NEVER say was healthy or good for anyone. Basically, these points define a normal marriage to me:
--Mutual respect and adoration. You do more for each other than yourselves, but at the same time not being a doormat. You think of each other first when making major decisions. You hold them above everyone else- family, friends, career, whatever. After all you are in this together for life, right? No, I don' t mean submission. This is mutual.
--Respecting your intelligence, as you respect theirs. You can talk about things, and are still interested in one another's opinion. You can find new things to be interested in. You stimulate one another. And you can enjoy just being silent.
--this is key: when the shit hits the fan, you are there for each other. Things get bad in life, and if you aren't united you are fucked when it comes to things like family illness or death, losing a child, debilitating illness, whatever. Intense shit. You must ask, will this person be with me and give me strength, or will they bail? Remember that episode of Gray's Anatomy with the fiancee that left the dude with the anurysm because she couldn't handle it? She saved him, man. That is not a person you want.
-- You like sex together. Whatver else is up to you, but through whatever you keep each other numero uno.
--You can give one another space without spazzing or getting jealous. This is also key- you can't be interesting to one another if you don't have a life. No, this does not mean drinking with the guys all night until you get retardedly drunk and go for a drive, every weekend. NO.
-You both pull the weight of daily life together, be that parenting, working, house, whatever. You do it together.
-- Hmmm.. I'm about to split, trying to think of other things here... I think it's important how you talk to each other. Yelling and insulting should never happen in day to day life, you know? Neither should one partner doing all the talking in public. or other disrespects.
-Finally, fighting healthily and constructively. Getting mad is fine, but getting over it later and talking it out is imperative. People seem to think that fighting aloud is bad, but shit, go outside if you have kids and hash it out. You are partners in crime, you can't not be honest with each other.
As you may guess I consider myself to be in a normal marriage. I had some shitty guys in my life, then I had the gem I married. He had a shitty fiancee before me, too, so it goes both ways. People settle too much and take too much shit, thinking there is no one out there like this. Bollocks, there are.
What you do sexually as a couple is up to you- I just think it's imperative to have some ground rules, because you have to be foremost in one another's hearts and lives. Note I don't specify gender, either. And I think there are normal marriages going on without the sake of paper to prove it, too.
__________________
Leslie O.
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Couple more topics of interest here:
- Virginity. I agree with what my brain sister Cynthia said about the psyche not able to handle sex for some time. My concern for teens is less physical or moral than emotional- sex can really fuck with your head when you are that young, and especially since it seems to often have some odd motive- not as many long term loving relationships when you are sixteen! I don't see any high status accorded to a virgin. it's something each person has to decide for themselves. I don't necessarily think a person should save themselves. I was nineteen when I had my first relationship and sex happened and it helped me know what it should not be.
- Definition of a normal marriage. You know, that's another individual thing. Yet, I hear so much horrible shit going on in people's relationships or marriages on this board that I would NEVER say was healthy or good for anyone. Basically, these points define a normal marriage to me:
--Mutual respect and adoration. You do more for each other than yourselves, but at the same time not being a doormat. You think of each other first when making major decisions. You hold them above everyone else- family, friends, career, whatever. After all you are in this together for life, right? No, I don' t mean submission. This is mutual.
--Respecting your intelligence, as you respect theirs. You can talk about things, and are still interested in one another's opinion. You can find new things to be interested in. You stimulate one another. And you can enjoy just being silent.
--this is key: when the shit hits the fan, you are there for each other. Things get bad in life, and if you aren't united you are fucked when it comes to things like family illness or death, losing a child, debilitating illness, whatever. Intense shit. You must ask, will this person be with me and give me strength, or will they bail? Remember that episode of Gray's Anatomy with the fiancee that left the dude with the anurysm because she couldn't handle it? She saved him, man. That is not a person you want.
-- You like sex together. Whatver else is up to you, but through whatever you keep each other numero uno.
--You can give one another space without spazzing or getting jealous. This is also key- you can't be interesting to one another if you don't have a life. No, this does not mean drinking with the guys all night until you get retardedly drunk and go for a drive, every weekend. NO.
-You both pull the weight of daily life together, be that parenting, working, house, whatever. You do it together.
-- Hmmm.. I'm about to split, trying to think of other things here... I think it's important how you talk to each other. Yelling and insulting should never happen in day to day life, you know? Neither should one partner doing all the talking in public. or other disrespects.
-Finally, fighting healthily and constructively. Getting mad is fine, but getting over it later and talking it out is imperative. People seem to think that fighting aloud is bad, but shit, go outside if you have kids and hash it out. You are partners in crime, you can't not be honest with each other.
As you may guess I consider myself to be in a normal marriage. I had some shitty guys in my life, then I had the gem I married. He had a shitty fiancee before me, too, so it goes both ways. People settle too much and take too much shit, thinking there is no one out there like this. Bollocks, there are.
What you do sexually as a couple is up to you- I just think it's imperative to have some ground rules, because you have to be foremost in one another's hearts and lives. Note I don't specify gender, either. And I think there are normal marriages going on without the sake of paper to prove it, too.
__________________
Leslie O.