Comments | opalescing: (shi) ~ Recrudescent

opalescing

(shi) ~ Recrudescent

Jan 07, 2009 19:24

Hah, so the new year is underway! I haven't really thought about it much, but I think that this is just more proof that this place is a different 'world' than home. When I left it wasn't even summer. Which also means that we haven't hemisphere-flopped.

So there it is for you~.

[The writing stops for a while. When it resumes it is straighter than ( Read more... )

idiots, !shirosaki, the law, juudai, a handout centre, you & me~, closer, !task, wat, !yuuki juudai

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miraclefusion January 8 2009, 04:41:52 UTC

I find it kind of odd that there's a faction here that apparently is big on stealing, for example...

It kind of baffles me, because the factions first give you the idea that they're there as something akin to different parts of upholding society and stuff, and then there's... that.

Though, I guess it's all about balance. There's always going to be people who will want to willingly do things they know are bad, sometimes just for the sake of doing them, but without them, there'd be half as many jobs as there are now, and life would be so much easier, but in a way, it'd be harder, too... it's hard to explain. But keeping the crime to a minimal amount is probably the closest we can get to ideal.

1/2 opalescing January 8 2009, 04:56:39 UTC

Yeah, I know which one you mean...but there is even one for bluebloods, so what to do?

I know that there has to be some sort of structure to a society and a good balance so there can be an equilibrium. And, too, struggle is part of life. For example, if we suddenly didn't have any negative emotions or desires -- our personal darkness -- we would not have any personal struggles and no chance to grow as a person. Then we'd be stuck...but there is a balance, because if there is too much negative and no overcoming it all gets out of control.

Wh---

And what's life without a bit of competition...?

2/2 opalescing January 8 2009, 04:59:02 UTC

what do you think about this, have we got a good balance?

i think that maybe our balance

that the balance of our relationship might be tilting

...

Hey, you're getting a bit deeper here, huh?

miraclefusion January 8 2009, 05:08:47 UTC

If everything were perfect... there wouldn't be anything left to happen at all. Everything would be stuck in one place, day after redundant day. Perfection's just a concept, though... and to be honest, I'm pretty content for it to remain that way.

.........

Johan...?

opalescing January 8 2009, 05:18:43 UTC

Do you think that is why we could move? Because there was a disruption, there was a chance to struggle with it and grow.

Yes, Juudai?

Um--

...

I just don't know how to write this, you know? In a way that makes sense, and that you might get. ...Though I'm not even sure if I am right, haha.

miraclefusion January 8 2009, 05:25:42 UTC

There were a ton of disruptions, and without being able to conquer such challenges -- be it tackling them alone or working together with someone else to face them -- we wouldn't have gotten nearly as far as we have now, I think. If everything had been normal... perhaps we would've met, lived a while, and then separated, and our bond probably wouldn't have been nearly as compelling as it is now. It's a little weird to think about, but... I'm kind of glad, in a way, that all those things happened the way they did. Everything came out exactly as it should have in the end.

..."That I might get"? Oh, come on, Johan! Try me, seriously! Unless it's some really complicated philosophical question or something, I don't see why I wouldn't understand it.

opalescing January 8 2009, 05:32:10 UTC

Well, when you put it like that. I think that maybe you could?

But the thing is, as smart as you are, you're kind of dense. I mean, maybe I am too for this, since i have no idea what to do now nor am i even sure but at least I get it.

Or something.

.....

Okay. Right.

Eh, Juudai. I think the only step beyond friendship is love.

miraclefusion January 8 2009, 05:48:03 UTC

...........

[Very long pause, almost to the point where one would think that was all he was going to respond with, until...]

Ah... you... you think?

I... understand why you'd think that. Maybe it would've been true, a year ago... but ever since the events with Yubel... I understand what it is to love someone like that now, truly.

But... but... even so... do you really think--

[Another long pause, and an ink stain that looks as though he's dropped the pen entirely. Then, a long, solid block of crossed out writing for the next few lines.]

...I wasn't expecting it. I can't possibly scorn the idea, but... I wasn't expecting it to come up...

opalescing January 8 2009, 05:59:07 UTC

Point. But even now, I kind of...figured it out thought of it first.

But maybe--

[Pauses for a long time. He keeps the pen on the paper, intent on writing something, staining it with evidence of his hesitation. His arm just really does not want to move.]

-------

But maybe you're right? Heh, I mean, seeing all of this now, and how much you've grown and with your experiences and all. If it was really like that you would have recognised it, for sure.

Uh.

Hah, sorry about that! I think I was thinking too hard about it. See, thinking so much about our relationship lately has made me come up with labels for other relationships that people have, but no one ever has had something like this. I shouldn't have bothered comparing it since I -do- know better.

miraclefusion January 8 2009, 06:22:13 UTC

[Written slowly and carefully, as though unsure of what he's writing, and there's a pause in the middle.] ...That wasn't what I meant...

I said I know what it is to love someone. I didn't say I knew what it felt like, if that makes any sense... though that's only kind of half-true, actually. Yubel... I do love her. But... I think it's slightly different. Not a lot, but slightly. I don't know if I could ever commit myself to her any more than I already have. Which isn't saying much, since we already share a soul. She could hear what I may be thinking at any given time if she wants to, and that includes any thoughts of love I may have for her or anyone else ( ... )

opalescing January 8 2009, 06:40:10 UTC

...Right, I mean...Well, you know more than me, with that feeling? Or something like that. What you have with Yubel is more intense that what I have with my family since she literally is a part of you. And she's got to be more intimate with you, since she sees your every thought. And besides...it was more like I got accepted in, and we build bonds from there ( ... )

miraclefusion January 8 2009, 21:29:04 UTC

But I think now that you've mentioned it... it doesn't sound wrong. It was working before, yes, but if it's just naturally happening -- and I agree, actually, it is -- then... it probably won't stay like before for very long.

...Well... do you think... well, I mean... would you want it?

Now that it's out in the open, you've got me thinking about it, and it's... well, the concept is a little intimidating to me, but... if it's you...

I guess... I can't help but consider it now. Though... I think I might need to confirm what I feel, maybe...

opalescing January 8 2009, 22:37:26 UTC

You think? I don't think that this'll would 'go away,' so to say. I mean, as long as you're here and all of that. We're going to be together for a long time anyway...

For me, I want what is best for you -- and if you are good with whatever, it is good for us since I'm good when you are.

So this is something that maybe we should both think about? I don't mean to intimidate you at all. I just brought up what I had to, what I figured out, in effect, after thinking for awhile about everything.

...

It is something that I wouldn't say no to. Even if it is something no one was really expecting, I think that it makes sense, considering the way we feel. Or -- at least -- how I feel.

But if you need time, please take it. To confirm whatever you need to, or come up with an answer. Okay? I can wait.

Promise.

miraclefusion January 9 2009, 01:45:35 UTC

It isn't you that's intimidating, it's just... the thought of commitment. It's... kind of a big thing. A really significant step...

If you've already thought about it, you don't need to think about it more than that. I don't want you to have second thoughts just because I was unsure about my own feelings. I just... need to work it out by myself a little bit.

The thing is... it really does make sense, which is why I feel kind of like everything is hinging on my emotions now.

...I think... I do need a little time. To just consider... everything...

...I'm sorry. Thank you.

opalescing January 9 2009, 04:42:48 UTC

Hey now, Juudai, don't start apologising and getting down like that, okay?

I mean, it's just something that kind of needs to be out there? Just..it's the meaning, I think, part of what I was looking for. I don't really think that you need to worry too much about commitment, anyway...Hah, it's not like we're getting married or something, right?

We're friends. More than that, but I think that is just love...like you love all of your friends. But maybe it is a bit different...?

In any case, s'what I think. And...take your time, and find your answer! I trust that you'll come up with what will work best for you. ---And, in effect, us. 'Cause no matter what it is, I want to work through it with you and find the answer.

miraclefusion January 9 2009, 04:54:10 UTC

It is commitment, though, because if you love someone that much... you can't just... you know... you have to protect them. Not that I wasn't gonna protect you regardless, but I just wonder if I'm not too afraid to dedicate myself completely, fully, one-hundred-percent. I've already done it once, to Yubel, but it's just... different this way. Kind of.

No, it is... love... it's not the same as what I have with everyone else. I feel like the term--

...Mmm. Maybe I...

...I just need to consider it good and hard for a little while. I'll try not to keep you waiting too long, really.

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