(no subject)
well lets see tonight has been the worst night so far in my miserable life.... i got about 4 hrs of sleep tonight and i got to work tomorrow at 5 until 1 am... i finally got to speak to my boyfriend and well i got news he slept with my best friend up at coker.... now the thing is is that i didnt mind that he fucked her.... but now im afraid that hes fallen for her and that hes gonna leave me for her..... so pretty much when im not up there him and her are "together" but when im there were "together".... we spent an hour talking about it all tonight and i spent about 3 hrs ballin over it.... i swear if he leaves me for her... i will never date another guy as long as i live... that may come across as im gonna go les but maybe ill date a girl but i will never fall in love again.... he says he cant trust me well i guess if hes not willing to give me partial trust maybe he should end it.... i dont want that .... i dont want my heart broken again but so far thats whats happening.... in an earlier journal entry of his he said that he didnt know why he couldnt tell me everything he was feeling.... my response was maybe im not his soul mate ... now as i lay here crying i think maybe xine is.... i still love him and i dont want to loose him but if i do at least i know hes going to a good girl and well as for me ill just loose weight grow out my hair go away to new york get a house and a bunch of cats and a few dogs and see if i can make my dream come true..... and be a famous actress and a bitter old hag with 40 dogs and cats and a racoon and possibly a ferret..... so know i guess its up to donald... because i know what i want but now i guess he has to figure out if he wants me or xine... personally i find it fucked up that a man that "loves" me listend to me cry for an hour and then preceeded to go down and sleep in her bed .... he said that the only way we would break up was if i broke up with him.... maybe now thats changed... oh yea and donald i might have lost your trust with the whole joe thing but you got to think you slept with catie then the whole joe thing now xine... whatever.... i love you and if you still love me you and i will work it out .... so i will go now and prolly fall asleep crying and thinking about how xine is more of his soul mate than i am or at least it seems that way.... you know i told donald about a month ago that i was jealous of his and xines relationship not cause i thought he could fall in love with her but because he got to talk to her more than i did and i missed my friend..... well i guess our three months(tomorrow) wont be as happy as i thought .... by im gonna try to sleep now .............