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Feb 18, 2005 01:12

been a lil busy so I haven't posted in a while. Lets see I got another job as a server at Perkins which means TIPS yeah!!!!! I seem to constently be worried about Donald I'm not sure why.... It's just I don't want him to be upset at all.... and since well its me and if you really know me you competely understand that I always think that I did something wrong even though I live an hour and half away. Chis got totally fried at the tanning bed yesterday. I spent most of the day at the mall today with my ex boyfriend Kris Dunn. I also spent the night at his place with his mom sisters and father in the house plus another guy in the room as well...... NOTHING happened except for when Kris started to go to sleep he wrapped his arm around me.... it made me miss cuddling with soemone and at first I just believed that I missed him and yet I really don't I realized everything today .... it's not that I miss cuddling with him or being with him it's that I miss feeling cared for and having that energy there next to you of someone who cares .... I don't miss him because he doesn't care for me like that and I don't care for him like that I miss cuddling with Donald and just being able to sit or lay down in each others arms and talk about our pasts or what we wish the future to be like. I spent the day remembering how nice and sweet he can be but through out the day I remembered why nothing worked out because he can say some really mean things as well as that he falls "in love" with every girl that he dates even if he only dates them for a week. He also really enjoys making me feel bad about bringing things that destroyed me in the past into the present. So I guess today was educational ... I could never be anything more than friends with that boy and the fact that he really only talks to you if he wants something. So I guess now that chapter of my life is closed and it's time to move on with this capter that includes Donald and a great future. The only problem is is that there is one more chapter in my life that needs to be closed to be able to be completely happy with the direction my life is going in now... and unfortunatly that means talking to my other ex and my first love and sexual partner Nate Onsrud. If any of that makes any real since. As for the rest of today I went and found my mia atm card.... cut the shit out of my finger.... played hide and seek for an hour in a park and night with 4 other people .... they made the fat smoker run... lol.... me su and catie then went to WH for coffee and disscussed random ass shit... on of those things was me having a wedding and having my brides maids in suits with red sashes on the top hats and red pumps and red shirts under the jacked and what not...... as well as me being in a white 2 buttoned suit jacket and white suit pants with a red low cut top under it with a white top hat (and tails) with red roses pinned into the white top hat with the vail on the back.... i personally think that that would be cute as all hell.... well I think I've typed enough now so I'm gonna go...... I love you DONALD!!!!
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