"Damnit, Luffy, you said you had a plan!" PART 3
anonymous
September 17 2008, 14:34:33 UTC
“Wh-what the shit? Why would I want to have sex with you two shitheads?” he managed to get out, then instantly felt like hitting himself for how shaky his voice had sounded. Luffy, who was now in the middle of shrugging out of his vest, gave him a surprised look.
“Well, since you’ve never had sex before, I thought you could do it with us.”
Anger quickly taking the place of shock, Sanji cast Zoro a sharp, disgusted look before turning his fury on Luffy.
“What the hell is this, some kind of fucked up charity?”
Luffy gave him a long, blank look.
“No. It’s sex.”
Sanji groaned and slapped a hand over his face. He heard Zoro sigh.
“Damnit, Luffy, you said you had a plan.”
“Yup, and it worked! Sanji’s here and you’re naked. All that‘s left now is the sex!”
Sanji’s brain gave up. No use trying to make sense of how whatever Luffy used to think with worked. He glanced at Zoro. Damn it. No matter how stupid, disgusting, stubborn, moronic, tactless, brutish, tasteless and overwhelmingly annoying Sanji thought he was… he did look damn inviting like that.
“Nah, Sanji, have sex with us.”
Luffy was using the cute ‘I want something‘ voice he had picked up from Nami-san. It never worked quite as well without her angelic face to go along with it. Sanji frowned as Luffy invaded his personal space and wrapped his rubbery arms around his neck from behind.
“Come on, Zoro even said he’d let you fuck him.”
Sanji’s eyebrow shot up at that. Topping the shitty marimo? Now, that was an interesting thought. And judging by the sudden stirring in his pants, it wasn’t just his competitive side that thought so. He looked at Zoro, trying to read his reaction to that statement. He stared back at him with a bored look on his face. There was no indication whatsoever that Luffy had just made that up. Maybe…
He turned away and shook his head. No. This crazy situation was giving him crazy thoughts as well. He unwrapped Luffy’s arms from around his throat and started towards the door, but then Luffy was there, blocking his path.
“Sanji. Stay.”
His face looked strangely serious, a look anyone rarely got to see. Sanji shook his head.
“I don’t even like guys, Luffy. I like women. Women!”
Luffy grinned, the serious look melting away.
“Heh, I don’t really like guys either,” he admitted, one finger digging around inside his ear. “But Zoro does, and I like Zoro, so having sex with him is still lots of fun. And you like Zoro too, you said so yourself! And it’s not like you’d have to fall in love or anything. It’s just like playing. Or play-fighting!”
Luffy logic. Sanji shook his head again. He would be lying if he said that the thought of a friendly (or violent) tumble had never crossed his mind, especially when the islands were far apart and his chances to find a woman were more or less nonexistent. More so than ever after he figured out that Zoro was into men, and thus a possible source of relief. But that was just in his head. How could he ever…
“Move.”
He took a step towards the door and Luffy’s face twisted into a pout. Just as the rubber-man opened his mouth again to protest, a smug sniff from Zoro’s direction made Sanji freeze in his tracks.
“Just as I thought.”
He sounded much too pleased with himself for Sanji’s tastes. He turned to look at the other man over his shoulder.
“What?”
Zoro shrugged.
“I told Luffy you’d never be man enough to take me, but he just wouldn’t listen. Turns out I was right.”
Dark eyes bore into him, and the mocking smile that stretched the swordsman’s lips spoke as clearly as any words. ‘I win’, it said. And it made Sanji’s blood boil. He turned abruptly and stalked angrily towards the swordsman. Zoro sat up a little straighter, something predatory in his eyes as he watched Sanji approach.
“I’m more man than you could ever dream to be!” Sanji snarled at him and lifted his leg, preparing to plant a kick in Zoro’s face and wipe that grin away. Or attempted to, anyway, because as he brought his foot down, Zoro managed to catch it at the worst possible angle.
“Why don’t you prove it, then,” the swordsman said, and then the floor disappeared from beneath Sanji’s feet. He landed hard on his back, all the air whooshing out of him painfully.
“Wh-what the shit? Why would I want to have sex with you two shitheads?” he managed to get out, then instantly felt like hitting himself for how shaky his voice had sounded. Luffy, who was now in the middle of shrugging out of his vest, gave him a surprised look.
“Well, since you’ve never had sex before, I thought you could do it with us.”
Anger quickly taking the place of shock, Sanji cast Zoro a sharp, disgusted look before turning his fury on Luffy.
“What the hell is this, some kind of fucked up charity?”
Luffy gave him a long, blank look.
“No. It’s sex.”
Sanji groaned and slapped a hand over his face. He heard Zoro sigh.
“Damnit, Luffy, you said you had a plan.”
“Yup, and it worked! Sanji’s here and you’re naked. All that‘s left now is the sex!”
Sanji’s brain gave up. No use trying to make sense of how whatever Luffy used to think with worked. He glanced at Zoro. Damn it. No matter how stupid, disgusting, stubborn, moronic, tactless, brutish, tasteless and overwhelmingly annoying Sanji thought he was… he did look damn inviting like that.
“Nah, Sanji, have sex with us.”
Luffy was using the cute ‘I want something‘ voice he had picked up from Nami-san. It never worked quite as well without her angelic face to go along with it. Sanji frowned as Luffy invaded his personal space and wrapped his rubbery arms around his neck from behind.
“Come on, Zoro even said he’d let you fuck him.”
Sanji’s eyebrow shot up at that. Topping the shitty marimo? Now, that was an interesting thought. And judging by the sudden stirring in his pants, it wasn’t just his competitive side that thought so. He looked at Zoro, trying to read his reaction to that statement. He stared back at him with a bored look on his face. There was no indication whatsoever that Luffy had just made that up. Maybe…
He turned away and shook his head. No. This crazy situation was giving him crazy thoughts as well. He unwrapped Luffy’s arms from around his throat and started towards the door, but then Luffy was there, blocking his path.
“Sanji. Stay.”
His face looked strangely serious, a look anyone rarely got to see. Sanji shook his head.
“I don’t even like guys, Luffy. I like women. Women!”
Luffy grinned, the serious look melting away.
“Heh, I don’t really like guys either,” he admitted, one finger digging around inside his ear. “But Zoro does, and I like Zoro, so having sex with him is still lots of fun. And you like Zoro too, you said so yourself! And it’s not like you’d have to fall in love or anything. It’s just like playing. Or play-fighting!”
Luffy logic. Sanji shook his head again. He would be lying if he said that the thought of a friendly (or violent) tumble had never crossed his mind, especially when the islands were far apart and his chances to find a woman were more or less nonexistent. More so than ever after he figured out that Zoro was into men, and thus a possible source of relief. But that was just in his head. How could he ever…
“Move.”
He took a step towards the door and Luffy’s face twisted into a pout. Just as the rubber-man opened his mouth again to protest, a smug sniff from Zoro’s direction made Sanji freeze in his tracks.
“Just as I thought.”
He sounded much too pleased with himself for Sanji’s tastes. He turned to look at the other man over his shoulder.
“What?”
Zoro shrugged.
“I told Luffy you’d never be man enough to take me, but he just wouldn’t listen. Turns out I was right.”
Dark eyes bore into him, and the mocking smile that stretched the swordsman’s lips spoke as clearly as any words. ‘I win’, it said. And it made Sanji’s blood boil. He turned abruptly and stalked angrily towards the swordsman. Zoro sat up a little straighter, something predatory in his eyes as he watched Sanji approach.
“I’m more man than you could ever dream to be!” Sanji snarled at him and lifted his leg, preparing to plant a kick in Zoro’s face and wipe that grin away. Or attempted to, anyway, because as he brought his foot down, Zoro managed to catch it at the worst possible angle.
“Why don’t you prove it, then,” the swordsman said, and then the floor disappeared from beneath Sanji’s feet. He landed hard on his back, all the air whooshing out of him painfully.
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